I'm 31 weeks pregnant and in the final PhD year. Funding expired at the end of September - lab work is 4-6 months off completing.

I recently received a call offering a paid role of 8 hours a week, from home and very OK with maternity. I'm not currently being payed and just don't feel I can refuse this.

Told my supervisor today and this is what I was told:
a) Choose between this and the PhD;
b) you'll not complete the PhD;
c) your husband should be more supportive!

Then she had the audacity to sit there, saying she was worried about how tired/stressed I was and pregnancy had "really taken it's toll"!!

I am furious at the insinuation about how much my husband [apparently doesn't] support me, and the naivety to assume that the PhD won't be finished. This last bit of work answers my hypothesis - why on this holy earth would i let that slip?!

I love my subject and am one of the most passionate scientists in our group. I feel thoroughly disappointed at her response. How can I respect someone who treats people like this?!

first, am sorry that your supervisor was so mean to you. try not to take it to heart. meanwhile, since the work is 8 hours a week. lets face it. thats just about 2 hours a day four days a week. or one day's work in a week. it will not make a big difference to your progress. go ahead with it if you feel you have the ability to handle it alongside your work in the current situation. as for your marriage and how you allocate roles / support each other, that is NOT your supervisors. ignore her comments. she has no right to pock her nose into your marriage. all the best in your work.

I think being mother is much more important than Phd in my opinion. No offence you should have children and enjoy career in motherhood before you inconsiderately try further career as a doctor. I think you make things complicated for no need.

Neseesa, no offense but you should obviously go back to the dark ages from which you have ventured.

You will find that there is many a woman on here who is passionate about her PhD subject and also juggles life between that and her family SUCCESSFULLY!

You are also trying to tell Zweena to throw away 3 years of work which is a load of crap IMHO.

Zweena, you need to tell your supervisor how you feel but I agree with jojo, you should take the job, as it is just a few hours a week. Does your supervisor have children btw?

No, H, she doesn't. She also has a failed marriage that broke up years ago...figures!

You see Neseesa, when I was 6, someone asked me what I wanted to be and I said a scientist. When I was 18 and the choice of uni came along, I realised that my commitment to that dream wouldn't be enough and I was too immature, so I worked and grew up a bit. I left a decent job and my own house at 23 to finally go to uni, but even then all I focussed on was the goal of a PhD. This IS NOT a career move and never has been. I know of a lot of mums (my best friend in fact) studying for their doctorates and successful climbing the usual ladders. For me, just getting the PhD is enough - I'll have achieved my dream and put a tiny, incremental grain of knowledge towards breast cancer. In all this stress, I still don't lose sight of that.

It's really really naive to assume that your reason for doing a PhD is everyone elses reason too.

Thanks jojo, and you are right. It's just downright rude for her to place her own sad assumptions and experiences on anyones relationship. I was a bit gobsmacked - I have such a supportive husband and a strong marriage. It all seemed surreal for someone who's met him a couple of times, in passing, to make that giant leap!

Absolutely well said H!!

Zweena, what a horrid response from your supervisor. I suppose what I would do is take the job despite her comments and not mention it to her again, since this provokes such an unreasonable response. If you think 8 hours paid work is do-able, go for it (I do a similar amount of data-entry type work, a couple of hours a day, and it actually provides some light relief from the drudgery of writing up!)
What you do outside of your PhD, and your domestic arrangements are none of her business.

best of luck x

I have never heard of a supervisor being so negative - you are so close to finishing, she should be cheering you on. And pregnancy aside, lots of students whose funding has run out have to work, becuase of the daft rule that you are not funded for the write-up period. Surely she must be aware that most students have to work at least part-time in the last few months of their PhD?

Try not to tkae it personally - it's probably not about you, but about other issues in her life.

I completely agree with juno - working once your funding has run out is a necessity for most students (in fact 8 hours a week isn't much in comparison to a lot of jobs students have to work to survive financially)

It sounds like the supervisor has her own issues/agenda with this matter and is trying to impose them on you, Juno's right. She sounds a bit bonkers TBH (the soop, not Juno!). I don't know a single PhD-er who has not worked in some capacity while writing up once funding has ended. It's extremely presumptious of your supervisor to assume that your husband should undertake a more supportive role, be this emotionally or financially.

Do you have postgrad student reps or a director or research you can address this with? If you coudl, I think it would be worth placing it on someone's radar, in case you take on the work but feel that the quality if your supervision declines due to her petulance/ignorance.

What a bitch, it's all I can say. Get that job, your suprevisor cannot do anything about it.

The more I think about it today, with a clearer head and a good nights sleep, the more I see just how out of order she is, with particular reference to my personal life. Yes, I would consider getting a mentor/someone else involved, but get very worried over the usual academic politics.

All this goes to prove is that once the PhD is done, I'm out of academia! This is not the first nor the last instance of bullying in our department, and it's just such a shame because it squashes the enthusiasm so many early career researchers feel.

It's never easy to deal with a supervisor. On the one hand, they see you as a student and they want to tell you what to do. On the other hand, for them you're a colleague and they just want to discuss things as equals. But I'm afraid that's the contradiction inherent to getting a PhD!

God - I hope I am not going to hang myself here, and I caveat the following with 'I wasn't there to hear the tone of the comments or see the body language', but I interpretted your supervisors comments in a slightly different light, as follows:
1)Choose between this and the PhD - sounds like she is aware of how much work it is going to take in this last bit and is worried that the paid work will disract you therefore don't split your time, try to focus on the PhD
2)You'll not complete the PhD - linked to the first one if you don't get most of the work out of the way before the baby arrives you will have very little time when it is here (she is right, I have been there)

3)Your husband should support you more - she has worded this VERY badly, but what I think she is worried about is that your husband is inadvertently putting you under pressure to bring in some extra money and may think you are taking on the paid work as a result of this (I agree this may come back to her personal past experiences).
I am a 3rd yr PhD Mum of two (4yrs and 2yrs) and perhaps I have a slightly different perspective on this as I know how much work the baby will take and how shattered you will be. I think she has put it badly but is trying to say - go all out on your PhD now to get as much done as you can before baby is here. Things are financially tight for us, but I just cannot take on any additional paid work at the mo (despite being offered some well paid consultancy) because I know the end of the PhD will just keep moving to the right. And I want to get it out of the way.