Hi everyone,

I was just wondering how much time you spend helping out other PhD students?

I'm in my 2nd year now and while I have no issues giving advice to other PhDs, there is one member of my cohort who seems to think he can just place demands on my time. Because I don't want to disappoint anyone, I've helped out so far but today I feel a line has been crossed. I came into the office just to meet him and sit with him. He wasn't being gracious about it all, saying how he waited and wants to go home once we're done. Granted, he had contacted me over the weekend, saying he is struggling and experiencing issues with his supervisor and asking for my help. Initially, he had asked me to pop over to his house to help him on Sunday!

Where do you draw the line in terms of helping other PhDs?

I have also spent a lot of time assisting other students, but I have to say they seem a lot more appreciative than the person you are talking about as they recognise that I am doing them a favour and it's not a part of my job to help them.

I think I've been lucky in that I have since really needed their help too and they have really gone out of their way to assist me but I understand that not everyone is like this.

Some weeks I have spent at least a day helping others, some weeks I don't have to help at all, so it's really hard to give an average amount of time.

I'm a direct person so if I experienced the situation that you have described I would just make it clear to them that I don't have to be helping them and I am doing it out the goodness of my heart and tell them to understand that I am more than happy to help but it will be on my terms. For example, when it's convenient for me and only if I see them acting on my advice. If people keep asking me the same question, if they are not listening to the feedback I provide or if they are not thinking for themselves and trying to improve, then I will be honest with them and tell them I will only help them if they use my help to help themselves in the future. I've told people directly that they are PhD students not technicians, so they need to come with me with solutions not problems, and then we can work through the solutions together to see if they are suitable.

I think you need to be honest with this person and make them recognise the value of the help you are providing.

I also help the other students as much as I can, proof-reading their work, helping them with statistics, suggesting methods, sending papers etc. but there are some students that they are beyond help.

The project a PhD student undertakes is the PhD student's project. Bar bits of general advice, it is not up to you to do their project for them. When I was doing my PhD, I expected minimal input from other students and post-docs with the main interaction as regards guidance being with my supervisors. Whilst I expected to be shown the ropes by my predecessor and others, it was very much a case helping me to help myself.

If there are problems with supervisors, then lending an ear is okay as regards how to resolve any situation and sometimes some students do need help as regards supervisor or colleague relationships. You may want to give general help as regards how to handle a given member of staff (such as a supervisor), but you should avoid becoming directly involved in any disputes for your own sake. It can become too easy to be identified with a 'problem person' if the dispute blows up and find yourself tarred with the same brush.

Unless the other student became a personal friend of mine, I would not be calling by their house on a weekend to discuss a problem. Keep any interaction within Uni. ours if this person is just a colleague and not a friend.

Can I ask if you are a woman? I note the other student from your message is male. Could his demands on your time be because he has developed some sort of attachment to you? If so, tread carefully.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)