I am at the point of near quitting yet again. I am at the end of my third year part time. I have been close to quitting many times before but somehow hang on each time. I am doing PhD part time because I have a chronic illness and part time is making things more difficult. New research keeps coming out and I am now now at the point of having to redo my data analysis for the third time. I see no end in sight and my motivation is non-existant.

I have barely done any work in the last few months. Today, I have finally picked up a paper to read and summarize and about 2 pages in I have burst into tears at how much I don't want to be reading it. I forced myself to read 2 more pages and then started itching all over from the stress of having zero desire to be doing this.

My main supervisor has been very supportive. I have felt negative about my PhD many times and she has got me to see the positive side. However lately I can see that she is getting sick of me. I can sense that I have become a burden, a dead weight and one of those students who drain on their supervisor's time with next to no productivity to show for it.

I just do not know what to do anymore. Is this a "wave" that I need to ride out or should I just end this and quit?

I can't advise you as to whether you should quit or not but what I would say is everyone needs to find a reason to do a PhD and a reason to continue doing a PhD during the difficult and trying times. For example, some people don't like their PhD but continue because they see it as a stepping stone to getting the career they want. Would you like a career in research or academia? If so, keeping thinking of this end goal. If not, question why you are doing the PhD and where you think it will take you. I'm doing a PhD because I couldn't secure a good job and am not in a position to move for one. I get much more income from doing a PhD than I would if I was unemployed and it gives me something to do. For many these would not be good reasons and I can see why but it works for me and I'm much happier than I was before starting the PhD.

Just take some time to consider the pros and cons and make decisions from there but do take time as it is an important decision.

It could be a wave. I'm long-term ill as well, and part-time for the same reason. I often have periods of many months when I can't get anything useful done at all, then have to pick things up again during calmer patches. And I've had huge low patches during the part-time PhD, particularly the middle section, so can relate to those.

The advice to weigh up the pros and cons is good. I won't be able to work in future, so a career in academia or anywhere else is totally out of the question for me. But doing the PhD gives me something positive to focus on, and it's a topic I really enjoy. It doesn't sound as though you get that much pleasure, but you need to consider this for yourself.

Don't rush to make a decision though. Talk it through with your supervisor, openly, and see where things go from there. I have left a PhD in the past too, over a decade ago, but that was due to the illness striking: I was too ill to carry on full-time, my funding council then wouldn't support a switch to part-time, and I couldn't self-fund. Then I had no option to continue. Now I'm hanging on in there to the bitter end. But it does sound as though things are hard for you.

I guess even though I would like a career in academia, my health is going to make it next to impossible. Unless a cure is found in the next few years which is unlikely.

So really my PhD has no exact purpose. The problem is, with my health being the same I can't work more than one day per week. So the alternative is being on unemployment benefit and doing nothing. I am sure I would be less stressed, but I am also sure I would be very depressed. So for me the question is what is the less pointless choice?

My only real reason for doing a PhD is that the alternative is worse. I am not sure if that's enough and I know lots of people probably can't relate to this.

I am hesitant of being too open with my supervisor. I feel like she has been carrying me on her back so to speak for most of my candidature and if I were her, I also wouldn't like sick/depressing student who is pessimistic and whinges constantly. I know that even most tolerant people have their limits, so I think that I am on my own with this.

Sigh. I have been here before and somehow I didn't quit.

I think doing a PhD for those reasons is enough, and it's why I'm doing it, whether people in other situations (specifically much better health) would be able to understand that reasoning at all. That doesn't matter. Doing the PhD gives me something I enjoy to focus on, and getting it will be quite a result, particularly given my circumstances.

When I left my first PhD I sent my supervisor an email explaining why. I never saw him again. I wish I hadn't left that way, but there was no option to continue, and nothing he could do practically to help me continue as a full-time student. Even so I wish I'd been able to speak to him more openly about things, and hadn't had to resign by letter.

Lostinoz, I feel your pain. I too have gotten to the point where I am wondering if it's really worth it. I don't have a chronic illness, but I do care for my sister who has one...they suck and don't go well with PhD's at times!!!!!
Instead of quitting, which I have been prepared to do for some time, I have finally (after six months of trying) gotten my supervisor to agree to let me take 6 months off. I have 34 days of work left until I am free for 6 months to work out why I'm here and whether I have it in me to finish writing up. Do you think some form of leave might be an option for you?

I would love to take some time off. I have casually mentioned leave of absence to my supervisor and she nearly had a heart attack. She reacted very badly to it. I think she feels it's already taking me ages because I am part time. Of course I didn't push the issue and I can try again.

There is an option of getting a letter from my doctor that I need some time off for health reasons. I am pretty sure that supervisor has no choice but to agree then. But I still want to be fair and would like to do it in a nice way.

I took a 5 month medical break in 2007, but then my supervisor was 100% supportive. It was a case of either take the break or quit, because I was reaching breaking point what with juggling the illness and the stress of the PhD as well. I was very resistant to the idea of a break because mine is a progressive neurological disease, so if I took a break would I be well enough to complete when I returned? My funding council will only authorise breaks for medical reasons or pregnancy, so I needed a letter from my GP. Again not a problem: he fully supported the break too, like my supervisor. The funding council was very slow to agree to it, but they did in the end, and the break made a big difference. I did deteriorate health-wise, but not so much that I couldn't resume the studies afterwards. And, now, I've nearly finished.

Hi lostinoz,

sorry to read about your troubles. I can understand that you want a break, must be very frustrating to have to go through the analysis again and to see that there is constantly new literature coming out, making that you have to rewrite things again etc.

Howevever to a certain extent your supervisor may have a point. As you are part time the whole process takes quite a long time already, with a break it may even be longer and may take all your motivation. Also this issue of new information and publications may even get worse, perhaps making that you come in a vicious circle.

Perhaps it may be an idea just to "crack on" / "low gear", but at least to keep going. Things will probably change for the better!
:-)

Yes, that's what I am worried about with taking a break. That I will get so out of touch with my PhD that I won't even finish. I also fear that good will and generosity of my supervisor will dissapear making it ultimately harder for me to complete. Not to mention that my funding is coming from a supervisor's grant so who knows what would happen there. I am also not sure if I quit, that I won't have to return the money.

When I see that a new paper has come out in my area of research, I get filled with dread. This latest new paper not only means that I have to do analysis again but new methodology is along the lines of my idea. Basically it's like someone has taken my idea and did what I wanted to do, only better. Not the first time it happened either and it's hard to come up with anything novel.

Yes lostinoz,

these issues around the analysis and the waste of time must be enormously frustrating and a killer for your motivation.

However it seems that you have three main options:

1. continue low key

2. have a break with the risk of not getting started again

3. stop the whole thing now

You have probably already done this, but it may be helpful to set the advantages and disadvantages against each option.

From your writing you seem to indicate that you are not so sure regarding getting a (long break) nor regarding stopping altogether.

As always finally it is your call what to decide. Completely agree that this cannot be an easy choice.

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Rick,



I am worried that if I quit I will regret it for the rest of my life. I am 30 so not that young anymore and if I don't get the PhD now, I never will.



Secondly, I get more help from my supervisor than most students. Meetings once a week plus prompt response to my e-mails in between. I am ashamed of myself, that I can't do this with even this level of help.



Thirdly, the alternative of not doing a PhD is doing nothing. I have a chronic illness so I am not capable of working more than 1 day per week.



Lastly, as I said, I am worried that with taking a break I will lose my supervisors support and willingness to help even if she formally agrees to still supervise me after coming back from the break. Also the issue of new literature will only get worse.



But having said all that, my mind on quitting/ not quitting changes every few hours :(

Leaving my full-time PhD over a decade ago was the hardest decision I've ever made, and the toughest to live with. I went through a grieving process, and it hurt a lot. It was made harder because my husband was a PhD student in the same department and finished his. Very hard to watch.

I didn't think I'd get another chance again, but luckily a part-time option came up in a totally different discipline (humanities this time; was science the last time). I didn't plan on studying for just 5 hours a week, but that's what I've managed. I needed that break in the middle though, to recharge my batteries (emotionally as much as anything else), and to tackle finishing off the second PhD.

I do think it's sad that you don't feel you can talk to your supervisor properly about this. I resigned by email but I had very lengthy chats about the problems with my supervisor before leaving, and knew that there was no other option. It's possible your supervisor might be able to help you practically - even if that's just taking a break - but unless you talk to them you can't be sure of that. And they may regret not having the chance to help you deal with this problem.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Lostinoz, I have fought with my supervisor for 6 months to get my leave. I believed that she was right and that I should just keep pushing on, but it got to the point where I am near useless - nothing is being achieved, there is too much "other stuff" going on in my life, and I have finally realised that I am the only one who knows what is best for me. I won't lie, she is FAR from happy with me (mainly because she's a control freak and is not used to students arguing the point with her), but I know what I need - A BREAK! to recharge the batteries. I know that everyone says it's hard to go back to, but I will cross that bridge when i come to it. If I don't want to return, then I won't, basically because I don't think a piece of paper is worth my happiness.
If you think you need a break, have a break!!!!!

Dear lostinoz,

I think I understand what you are saying. I can also understand that you feel anxious about making a decision and that every few hours your views seem to be different. Also it comes forward from the various postings that there are mixed views regarding whether one should take a break or not. As such there seems not to be the right or the wrong step or answer.

Food for thought:

A lot of problems solve themselves without making a decision
Value the unknown
Look at it from another angle
Respect the views of others