Hi- advice gratefully received
My story starts about 3 years ago. I joined up with a supervisor at a great department and uni to begin a phd based on the themes developed in my msc thesis (in a department not best suited to develop it). It was so exciting but quite intimidating. We applied for ahrc funding and were unsuccessful but then the university gave me a scholarship for two years of fees. So I started my phd research whilst only being able to do 2 or 3 days a week and commuting through to the university. The supervisions were quite nerve wracking as I had two supervisors asking me questions and I was learning all the new terminology of a new research discipline (I moved from archaeology to geography) but I was sure, over time the nerves would end as I would get funding and be able to go full time and master it all. It wasn’t perfect as I was holding down 3 part time jobs and driving back and forth. But it would all be solved if an esrc bid was successful. But it wasn’t and 8 months into my phd research, I decided to take a year out to work to make sure I had a stable income. I was offered a permanent position once the year was nearly over and took it to ensure job security, which meant a second year delay on studies. I now have about 10 months left before I am due to resume studies and I’m getting nervous. I miss it most days but have got so much anxiety over not being able to manage it that I find it difficult to actually open my books and look over my notes and writings again to refresh. I have been planning for the past few months to spend this autumn trying to identify alternative funding routes through grants and trusts but I haven’t started yet as I procrastinate by doing the housework.
Has anyone else experienced this anxiety with returning to studies? Have you any suggestions on how to get over this or what course of action to take? I seem to be the type of person who will fail for fear of failing. Am I too far gone for this to succeed?

Can anyone give rocket8 any advice?

Hi rocket8. I think anxiety in starting something that has a bit of history like you've explained is perfectly normal, and I can understand where you're coming from

Maybe try making a list of what needs to be done to be able to get back in the habit of studying/list possible routes of funding. If you have your plans out on paper, it makes it more structured than having the thoughts swimming about in your head. Plus you get to cross them off afterwards (which I quite enjoy doing!!)

You could start studying in short bursts of time, then build it up. Don't feel pressured into thinking you have to read hours on end.

Also reward yourself for having started studying (no matter how short the time). Go for a walk around the block, basically you want get away from where you have been studying for a while. Sometimes getting away for a while can help refresh your mind. You'll eventually find you are studying for longer periods of time.

When you do sit down to study, disconnect the phone, internet, tv, radio, and don't keep your mobile with you. This helped me a lot when I was writing up my phd. If it's not conveniently available, you won't be tempted to have it on the background etc.

Finally, be positive! You had 3 jobs plus uni before and you were doing it (pretty hardcore!), and now you're in a much better position. I think your dedication to studying is a strength. Focus on that instead of the bad stuff.

You can do this!! :)