Hey all!

So I have finally made the decision to quit my Phd. Some of you may remember my post about my situation.

I have found a job so I'm not just blindly quitting, and I plan on pursuing my dream of becoming a nurse in a couple of years time.

I'm going to see my supervisors and the school about my decision to quit today. Which is scary enough. But I'm also skyping my mum tonight to tell her about it. And that is terrifying!

She knows that I have been thinking about quitting and this has been met quite negatively. Such comments as 'you just need to persevere' and 'I'm older so I know better what's good for you and quitting isn't' etc....

Now how do I break it to her? I know she will be upset and I hate that! Plus she will judge me and especially my decision to go into nursing. :( I don't really know how to approach everything!!!

Anybody have any advice? :/ THANKS!

That is a tough one! Perhaps as she already knows you had been thinking about it you could just say something like 'I've made my decision and I know you weren't sure but it's the right decision for me'? Surely she will see it's what is best for your happiness and will get over any negativity! Good luck!

Hi Loulou

when I was 17, I had to choose a school for my undergrad degree. I still don't know who I am, but back then I was even less sure. I was accepted in the school of engineering purely by luck (in my home country, the educational system is somewhat different). My father was thrilled! Apparently, it was his dream to become a civil engineering, so he was going around his workplace and friends boasting about me.

I moved to a new city to attend the new school, only I was not happy. I would wake up and throw up almost everyday. I attended less and less, and joined a theatrical team instead. I started making the scenery for plays and advertisements. And then I quit the school. You should see my father: I think he went grey overnight, just like in the movies. Of course, I am pure evil and incapable of empathy, so I didn't even care. Best decision I ever made.

So the deed is done.

It went horrendously. Worse than I imagined....

I was completely right about her judging me and my nursing decision. And then she started crying and screaming...

Terrible.

However my supervisors were both amazing and actually said I would make a great nurse based on what they've seen of my skills and personality. Very supportive and just wonderful.

Well done, LouLou.

It's very tough when people don't react in the way you'd hope they would. However, you can't take responsibility for that and neither can you live your life just to live up to someone else's hopes or expectations. You've made a decision about your future based on what feels right for you and after giving it a lot of thought, and hopefully with a bit of time, your mum will see that. Good luck with your future career!

Well done, the hardest part is done now. I can't believe your Mum started screaming...that's quite extreme, I guess some people just don't cope well with change. You did what is best for you and you should feel happy! I'm glad your supervisors were supportive. Good luck with your journey into nursing =)

There's an element of what dreams your parents have for you and many parents live their dreams through their children. When those dreams aren't realised, they behave as though their own dreams and aspirations are shattered. She'll come round eventually, however, it may take a while and expect your PhD withdrawal to be raised every time there's an argument in the future about your life (and at the end of the day, it is is your life).

Good luck with the future and the nursing. At a guess, it'll be next year you'll start so you've nearly a year for things to settle and hopefully you'll be able to start with a clean slate and the support of your parents.

You've seemingly spent the last few years living the life other's wanted for you. Now start living the life you want for yourself.

Ian

Congrats on taking this decision responsibly and pursuing your dream career! You are very brave! You certainly deserve to be happy, and happiness is very personal. People will judge you no matter what, and you should always be yourself. Never ever do what other people think is right, if it's not right for you. Now that the PhD is out of the way, the best is yet to come for you.

I would like to add the story of my best friend here. He was born in an Eastern European Country - his father wanted him to become a civil engineer and sent him to England to study civil engineering at the University. My friend hated it. He always wanted to become a fashion designer.

So, guess what he did. He stopped studying civic engineering and started studying fashion design - a course that took him 5 years to complete, but he made it! He is now a fashion buyer and makes loads of money!

His mother only found out that he studied fashion 3 years ago, when he also told her that he is gay. She loves him to bits and she accepted him and his career. His father died last year. He never got to know the truth, and he died without even knowing that S is gay. My friend said to me that not telling his father about these two issues was the best thing he has ever done.