A bit of background - I'm a first year literature PHD who has come straight from undergrad on the advice of a lecturer. In the final year of my undergrad, last year, I finally acknowledged (after breaking down in front of a professor) that I was probably depressed and needing help so I went to the uni counselling service and the doctors and with various ups and downs and one minor panic attack got through my final year with the grades I needed for my 2i. Re the depression I was alright over the summer when I had a shop job and was gently working on my PHD, so much so I went off of the meds. Then come October when the PHD officially started I got quite stressed again and worked myself up to the point where I couldn't work, I went back on the meds. In the run up to Christmas it was going pretty well and I got 15,000 words written. However, since them I have been really struggling to work. I feel hopeless stupid and utterly unsuited for a PhD, while I am motivated to work I just cannot summon the energy to do it or when I am sat in front of the computer with my notes around me I cannot marshall my thoughts into any kind of sensible order from which paragraphs can come. It has got to the point where I feel I need to tell my supervisor because when I see him in meetings I am generally fairly positive about how much work I can do but then I realise that I have put too rosy a tint on things and that the goals I have set myself are just unreachable. Continued ...

My question is this: is this an ok email to send my supervisor to let him know what is going on? and given that although his English is excellent is it too opaque for a non native speaker?

"I am sorry that I am not making more progress with my thesis of late. I have been struggling with a number of things which are hindering my ability to write. Although I have been trying to address these issues progress is slow. I continuously try to work on the thesis but I am finding that my personal issues make it very difficult to devote as much time and energy as I want to my work.

Regarding the upgrade review I have spoken to my second supervisor and discovered that it does not take place until May and requires 8,000-12,000 words which are to be submitted to someone. As I already have my first chapter all that needs to be done is to polish it for submission.

I regret that I do not have more to show you for this week and I would ask that you hold off on giving in depth comments until I have written the entire piece. As well as the main body of the text I am also researching further the critical angle which I appreciate I have not managed to convey my understanding of previously."

Would it not be possible for you to speak to your supervisor face to face? Either way I think you would need to tell him soon if it is affecting your work. The Email seems OK to me.

I've thought about telling him face to face but the problem is I know that I will either chicken out or end up crying really badly which I don't really want to do as I think it can effect your relationship with them and can leave you feeling awkward every time you see them afterwards

I think I've been through something similar last year. I got quite depressed over an experiment and couldn't make as much progress as I was supposed to. Do you have a good relationship with your supervisor? If so, telling face to face seems like the best option, even if you end up crying (personally, I've had some conversations with my supervisors that ended up in us both crying haha, but everyone is different, depends on your relationship with him/her). Another piece of advice would be to talk to someone that maybe went through this hard time, like a tecnician, post-doc or even another PhD student you're close to. Finally, if you have enough time, try cutting some slack. Read whatever you want to read for a day or two, travel, go camping, start running miles everyday, space out for a bit. My experience took me from biomedical sciences to philosophy and back to biomedical haha. I just needed a time off. If you can do that, I think it would help. Hope this helps, don't forget the reason why you're doing all this (:. Oh, and sorry for my english, I'm not native.

I think you're being hard on yourself. First of all, you've written a LOT for someone in the early stages of a PhD. Second, it's normal to have the blocks you describe. A doctoral thesis involves getting your head around big and complex areas and I don't think you should expect to keep up the same pace of work you were used to as an undergraduate, when everything was broken down in to manageable chunks and you regularly produced essays etc. The goals you're setting yourself may be unreachable not because you're unsuited to the PhD but because they are too ambitious - which is also normal at this stage.

Firstly, yes you absolutely need to tell your supervisor. I understand wanting to present this as an email, but to be honest I think it's much better coming in person. And, if you cry, so what? Yes, it might make him and you uncomfortable, but it would show that you are trusting him to know something very personal and very difficult about what you are dealing with here.

That said, if you are adamant about emailing I think you should add two things:

1) You don't explicitly state that you have medically diagnosed depression. You need to make sure that you do, and that you mention taking medication as prescribed by the doctor. To that end, have you been back to the doctor since you noticed this flare up again? It is really important that you see your doctor regularly just so there is an official medical record of your condition - you may need it later.

2) Explain that you are emailing him about this as it's hard for you to talk about, but you know it's important to be truthful and open about this and how it is affecting your ability to work. But, you would like to be able to talk with him about how you can work together going forwards in the least stressful way.

You are going to have to learn to talk to people about this. It might end up that you need to take a leave of absence to get yourself better, or you might need to apply for an extension to the deadline. For either of these, you will need good medical evidence to support your application for either of these things.

I started my PhD in October 2010 and am still going. I had to take 9 months leave of absence and am now applying for a 6 month extension to my 4 years of registration. I'm only able to do this because I have really strong evidence of my depression and anxiety and the impact this has had on my ability to do my work.

I suggest don't tell him. Speak to your family and seek help. He will always hold it on you that you are depressed. Speaking from experience.

Your approach is to always keep personal matters away from your supervisor. Keep it professional

Both Derose and IntoThe Spiral make valid points; however, I would err on the side of caution as per Derose's point and not bring this up with your supervisor. Not all supervisors will be sympathetic to your plight, or may grow frustrated with an additional task of supporting you mentally which they are actually not trained or qualified to do. As we begin to shed the discrimination on mental health (which is a good thing!), there is a counter-part to this, which is the rising trend in which academic supervisors at all levels are expected to become mental health counsellors, many of whom are just not qualified or comfortable enough to do so.

There should be support services for students like yourself where you can seek counselling. The thing to remember is that you'll be respected more and have your concerns taken more seriously if you seek outside, professional help as opposed to going straight to your academic supervisor, who may have their own mental health issues/may not have the capacity to help you. Their job is to ensure to stay on track academically and evaluate your work, but they are not trained to help you mentally other than sending you to the appropriate services.

I didn't have depression per say, but I was battling a binge-eating disorder/substance abuse through the early years of my PhD. I didn't let my supervisors know what was going on, but I did seek help from professionals. The end result was that I made it through, am in recovery and feeling better, and my supervisors have highly recommended my work and me to the point that I landed a good (albeit a one year contract) job. There is a fine line we still must walk between demonstrating that you have the capacity to function in a high-stress environment, and being honest about your mental health issues when it comes to the academic world.

Oh and the other thing, is that 15,000 in just starting out is great! Don't beat yourself up!

You'll have times when you won't do any writing, and times when you do an abundance, especially as a literature student.

I agree on not sharing these issues at work/school. I have never shared something like this, but I have heard people talking about it. People should understand. Sometimes, they do not. I would never cry in front of a supervisor. Again, not saying this is right or just, but that is the way it is. I have found the risk is too great! DO tell family & friends & get counseling and go back to the doctor.

Well, this whole thread has evolved to make me incredibly sad. I thought the stigma associated with mental illness was diminishing, but evidently not in this community. Encouraging people to hide their illness when they want to be open about it just perpetuates the stigma surrounding having one, which makes it a hell of a lot harder to deal with having a mental illness.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. And in fact, I'd be proud that you are achieving good work despite having to struggle against your brain on a daily basis.

I unequivocally, completely and utterly disagree with those saying you shouldn't speak to your supervisor about this if you want to. Part of their role is to provide pastoral as well as academic support. Your supervisor should be your mentor. They can't do that well if they don't know about such a life-altering condition. They will know how to signpost you to get the help that you need. And if they don't, then they should find out! It is part of their job.

Doctors are great, but they don't understand the academic requirements of doing a PhD. Your supervisor needs to know so that they can support you to do your work better. And, it means if you are absent for an afternoon or need to say "no" to a meeting time you can respond honestly rather than making up an excuse. When I was having therapy, my supervisor knew I wouldn't be around on Friday's because on Friday morning I had the therapy session and on Friday afternoon I worked from home because sometimes the therapy resulted in me needing to not be around people. If I had just been absent every Friday for no good reason then there would have been concern.

There is absolutely no shame in having a mental illness and the people who are telling you to hide it when you are concerned it is affecting your studies are just... well... sigh.

Hi,

I would say be cautious when deciding whether or not to tell your supervisor. It might be worth weighing up whether they seem like an open minded type of person or not. I speak from experience - I don't have a mental health problem but I do have a chronic condition that I decided to be honest with my supervisor about. It was a huge mistake, because he is quite an ignorant person when it comes to health problems, and since day 1 has treated me very differently from the other students, and even excluded me from work for publications because he believed I was 'too ill' to take on extra work. In hindsight I should have kept it to myself.

I'm not saying your supervisor will do the same, and IntoTheSpiral has made some very good points. I completely agree that there shouldn't be a stigma around depression or any other ilness, mental health related or otherwise. But sadly some professors (and indeed some people in all professions) will be ignorant and may not be very sympathetic. I think you should think carefully about whether you believe your supervisor will be supportive or not, because whatever you decide, it's important to make things as easy as possible for yourself during your PhD. Good luck!

Tulip