I'm a 1st year PhD student and this is the end of my first year. I received feedback for my research proposal a few weeks ago and essentially, I had to resubmit it with corrections. One of reviewers made constructive criticism which I didn't mind. However, the comments of the other reviewer were so dismissive, condescending, and personal, it made me feel sick to my stomach and I was very stressed. Because my supervisor and I had a friendly relationship, I confided in my supervisor. I blurted out to my supervisor all the negative thoughts and self-doubts that have been running through my head. My supervisor took me to see a counsellor, and was generally very supportive and understanding, saying that my priority is to get my mind in the right place so I can continue with my PhD. I was in a depressed mood for days, and I was so emotionally exhausted that I just could not do any PhD-related work. The distress is also due to the fact that the review feedback was late - 3 months late! I spent all this time waiting for the feedback, doing no experiments when my peers are well into testing. To top things off, I don't even have a co-supervisor ... I had one at the beginning of the year but he left to take up an appointment elsewhere. I've raised this issue with my supervisor time and time again, and nothing was done about it. I feel that I've been hard done by.

A few days later, I had to front up to the annual review meeting. I'm guessing that my flat/depressed mood was noted by the review panel because when I met with my supervisor on the following day, my supervisor acted differently to before. My supervisor sounded annoyed, and suggested that I should seriously consider whether or not to continue with the PhD program. I tried to explain that I have some other diagnosed psychological issues that need to be sorted out so that I can go on with the course, but my supervisor just dismissed them.

I think my supervisor has had second thoughts about supervising me. I don't know what to do.

Sorry to hear you've been feeling so down, if it's any consolation the end of my first year/start of the second was the worst for me but I was lucky my supervisor didn't act on any of the negative things I said!

Do you want to continue with your PhD? Is there any way you can take a break and come back to it refreshed? I would strongly recommend you meet with your sup again and explain what has been happening to you, and remind them that it was their suggestion you went to counselling. I'm guessing they probably got a lot of stick from the panel about your depressed mood and therefore took it out on you, which isn't fair. Maybe ask if you could have a break and come back to it in a week or two?

I would also look up your pastoral support in your department and talk to them about what has happened.

My supervisor wants me to work out what kind of jobs I want to get at the end of my degree. I have no interest in academia, so a PhD is not necessary. As to the question of whether or not I want a PhD? At this point in time, I can't bear to face another day of it - I don't feel motivated and the emotional anguish and misery are debilitating. I don't know if my intense negative feelings and thoughts would subside in time. In therapy, I discovered what I'm always trying to please others; by living my life in accordance to others' expectations instead of my values, it will bring me nothing but misery. To do the right thing by me, I may have to disappoint others, such as my parents and my supervisor. I feel a sense of relief now that I have arrived at this point in reasoning. Do you guys think this is the right decision?

Firstly I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering. It is awful to feel this way. There are not many PhD students that have encountered their journey that haven't felt this at some point along the way, and it really genuinely sucks.

I don't know how long you have been suffering for, however, and usually you get "high" points along the way too, so I can't be sure from what you have written, whether you are in one of those horrid murky "lows" and can't see straight for it. ( It happens to MOST of us if we are honest about it ). You do say that you have other psychological issues that need to be sorted. If this is the case, and it is preventing you from continuing your Phd, do yourself a very big favour and go and see the doctor! You should get signed off sick, with a certificate, which can presented to your supervisor and your Phd will be temporarily suspended ( I think). Everyone's a winner. Go to the doctors. Take care and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

I agree with Cplusplusgirl, go and get yourself signed off then come back in a couple of weeks when you've had some time out. She is also right that we all feel like this. I took about a month off at the beginning of my second year because I was so burnt out I couldn't get motivated to do anything. I'm now at the end of my second year and I am determined to succeed no matter what. And keep coming back here! I can't tell you how much this forum has helped me on days where I felt like I wanted to give up! You soon realise you are not alone!

Since my last posting, I have decided to take a 6-month hiatus from studies. I'm going to get some treatment for my psychological issues, get some rest, and work out whether pursuing postgrad studies is still important to me. Thanks for your kind words, thoughts, and support. I wish happy holidays to everyone at this postgrad forum.