Hi all,

I'm at the end of the second year of my PhD and am seriously stressed about my PhD and even considering quitting.

I have now been studying for two years and got excellent feedback on my research proposals and passed all assignments with distinction so far. But I seriously doubt that what I have so far produced if of any value let alone what I am proposing with my research is actually correct. My supervisor pushed me to do my research project with a theory of a discipline I don't really understand. So I've tried my best to come up with hypotheses etc and they all "sound" good from a non-expert perspective but to be honest what I have created wouldn't stand the test of an expert. The problem is that my supervisor doesn't really have a clue herself and just keeps saying that it all sounds "interesting and good" so I should just "keep going". I am really stuck with my literature review and conceptual framework and am now about to start my field research knowing this is all not sound what I have produced. I feel like throwing the towel cause I am so worried this is all gonna get really bad once I have "real" experts in my viva. I only have this one supervisor and she doesn't want me to speak to someone else. She also rarely has time to meet me and I feel embarrassed to explain how I feel cause for the last two years I have done exactly what she said to keep going.

What should I do??? I feel like an idiot that gets all positive feedback and compliments without deserving it. I feel that anytime soon someone will expose that I'm no good at this and question what I have been up to for the last two years...

Please help.

Hi Leylani

Ok, don't panic! There are a few things going on here and I have experienced most (I think all) of them in the time I've been doing my phd. I don't know if it's common to go through these stages as part of the phd, but I certainly did and I don't think we're the only ones.

1. Have you ever heard of the Imposter Syndrome? I have it and I didn't think it was typical until a very well-respected and successful Professor friend of mine told me that she experiences it too. In fact, it's surprisingly common among academics, especially females (I'm not sure if you are female, but Leylani suggests to me that you are! Apologies if not). Here's a link talking about it in academia:
https://chroniclevitae.com/news/412-faking-it-women-academia-and-impostor-syndrome

So be reassured that the feeling of being a fake/fraud/not worthy is common and not necessarily down to your situation.

2. Doubting your supervisor is a bigger issue and something that I'm currently struggling with. I'm lucky though because I've got a second supervisor who I do trust to be up to date and on the case with things, but I still have my doubts once in a while. I used to have a different supervisor who was an absolute demon and told me everything I did was wrong (pretty much). Now that they're being nice to me and saying everything is great, I'm really doubting their abilities. But I guess I've just got to trust in them. I do think that perhaps you could do with a second person who you could voice your concerns to. It really helps me to know that there are two of them and surely they can't both be completely wrong!

..... see next post

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3. Doubting your findings and being unsure of the theory of the discipline: I think this very much goes hand in hand with both of the previous points. It's hard to say from here if these are valid doubts that you have or just a result of the other concerns. Again, I think a second opinion or some other eyes on the situation would help you with this.

I hope that all makes sense to you and I really hope you can find the answers you need. I can't count how many times I've nearly thrown in the towel, and if it weren't for my sheer stubbornness and the support I've got at home, I probably wouldn't have got this far. (I'm going to be submitting soon). But I am enjoying my PhD experience more now than ever and I really feel like I can make it.I hope you can decide what's right for you. Good luck and please feel free to DM if you need anything else.

Take care, G

Totally agree about the existence of "imposter syndrome", and don't think you should drop out. I also think that most of academia isn't quite as expert as one might think as an undergraduate. My experience of learning about grounded theory was a salutary lesson there. Turned out all the people I asked didn't really understand it!

D

DocInsanity that is so true! One of my supervisors is very down to earth and told me that he didn't know why one of the methods used in my field was common practice. When he's asked other academics about why they used that method they just said that they did it because everyone else had.

You make a really good point, and the more I find out about the lofty, knowledgeable world of academia, the more I realise that everyone is just fumbling around like the rest of us (ok maybe not fumbling, but I hope you get my drift)!

Glowworm and Docinsanity, thank you so much for your helpful responses!!! I have never heard of imposter syndrome but reading about the 'symptoms' felt like a revelation. Like OMG I am not absolutely insane for feeling that way, there is actually an explanation for it and even more important I am not alone!!!

Also, reading my initial post also showed me how emotional some of my worries. I just need to create a bit of a distance to my feelings of being a failure. Fact is I am giving it my best. However, I will seek to speak to my supervisor about getting a second opinion. She really is not a specialist in that particular theory I study and it would help to get a second pair of eyes looking at my work.

Glowworm, how did you overcome your imposter syndrome? And what do you think caused it in the first place?

Thank you,
Leylani (and yes, I am a woman :) )