I started my PhD in 2009. Supposed to fninish in 2013.

I have nothing. Done all the empirical work, but haven´t really written much. I was funded and my funding ended a year ago, and I have not worked on it since. Think about it all the time - have tried again and again, but I get panic attacks just thinking about it. So I´ve just ignored it. Which of course doesn´t solve anything.

I moved overseas with one year to go on my PhD (supposed to spend my time writing it up), so I am now living in a different country. And today I received a letter saying that I am no longer a PhD student at my University back home. I haven´t talked to my supervisor in a year and pretty sure I´m not very welcome if I do. It was the final nail in the coffin I guess.

i´m so disappointed in myself. I´ve never not completed anything before. My parents are very disappointed too.

Thing is, I love my field of research. I actually work in it, with a University where I moved. They know I have struggled with my PhD, but not how much. My biggest fear is that something will happen and they won´t want me back either, because I completely dropped the ball on my PhD.

Everyone keeps saying just do it. Take one step at a time. But I just can´t.

I´ve tried to let go of it, but I can´t do that either.

Anyone in the same (or at least similar) boat? The worst is the feeling of utter failure :(

I had a similar situation with my masters, I did it part time while working full time and managed to hand in a dissertation which wasn't my best work as I really struggled to find the time to work on it. I got it back with a narrowly failed result the day I moved country to start my PhD, I was gutted and got very depressed and have panic attacks and couldn't think about it at all, it was odd like a total mental block. I had a chance to re-do the dissertation and pass but the mental block meant I just pushed it to the back of my mind. Eventually they just gave me the postgrad diploma and so I missed out on having a masters by 3% and it was all my own fault. I know now looking back that I should have talked to someone about it and gotten some help for my anxiety but at the time I was just frozen. You should contact the university department and ask for an extension to the 4 year deadline due to personal reasons and then contact your supervisor and say you have struggled but are willing to work on it from now on wards. It might not work but at least you will have known you have tried and not regret it later on.

Perhaps don't say things like 'I need to do a PhD' just say 'today I will write a figure heading or look at my references' just little simple things. It might help lift the block and ease your anxiety?

lindaaa, I feel sorry for you because I know the feeling very well. I think as Caro says it is a kind of anxiety or depression that causes such a big block and perhaps you need help with the emotional side of the PhD - I have found it a highly stressful process.

How much have you written? If, say, you managed to get a 1-year extension, do you think it would give you the space to feel more positive about it and start writing?

The fact you've been deregistered as a student makes things a little harder to be honest. If you go back now and ask to be reregistered (especially if you're beyond the four years), they're within their rights to say no to be brutal about it and requests for extensions on medical (i.e. stress) ground should have been made before you were deregistered.

I don't know if moving abroad and away from contact with your Uni. was the best idea in the world. You might plan to keep in touch with supervisors via e-mail and SkyPE, however, the reality is you lose that personal interface and direct motivation, which depending upon the individual can dampen momentum and take away access to immediate help. Also, access to student counselling services and immediate colleagues when you need to talk to someone else independently becomes greatly hampered. With the distraction of your new job as well as the loss of motivation, you've fallen into that trap.

However, the reality is opportunities come up and you have to assess whether or not to take them. Also, the dreaded year four means we need other sources of income when sponsorship ends so taking that opportunity if available becomes all the more important and tempting.

Practically, I'm not sure what you can do now. If you can't reregister (I'll note the Uni. doesn't even have to record you as a fail as you never submitted), could you take your work to date to another Uni. to submit for their PhD award? I have seen that suggested though again I've major doubts about you being taken on.

Another alternative is you might start afresh and work part-time towards a new PhD at your new Uni., using your current research work and possibly some of your old data if relevant to the new project. This may well be your best option. Your motivation for your current work may be much greater than for that which you left behind when you moved overseas.

Ian