I started 5 moths ago ...... changes from one topic to another because of institutional structures ..... I made my first discussion a few days ago but now when I look at it it all sound very shitty. I feel like I know nothing!!!! I have developed anxiety attacks and extreme nervousness, my voice shake, I freeze when I talk, I feel extremely stupid. I have read so many papers until I feel so exhausted by it....nothing is going forth and time is running by very quick!!!! I wanna pack up and go home but that would be cowardly. I feel like am going loco and it hurts ...... it is not just supposed to be this tough.....I like challenges but ones where you can move forward not stay in the same place for over 5 months!!!!!!!! ..... I just feel like I need little support in this phase, it is not forthcoming!!!!!

happiness GONE! feeling LOW ALWAYS! NOBODY CARES!

I think you need to do 3 things. First talk to your supervisor and ask for guidance in how to move forward. Try and develop a plan together for how to move forward. he/she could make suggestions, you go away and develop a plan based on that discussion and then send it to him/her for feedback.

Second you need to get some breaks and hobbies/downtime built into your days and weeks. This is vital. research can be stressful and if you don't have good self-care you will burn out. exercise is great, it relieves stress and gives you energy and motivation. being outside is also great and some social activities are good. it could be anything from a painting class once a week to a book club or a yoga class.

the third thing I think you need to do is after you have worked on a plan for going forward, is take a 5 day break and go home (if you can afford it all). it will reduce your stress and give you some perspective. if you cant afford that, the international society in most universities organises discounted trips... so you will get to meet other international students and get some perspective and refresh yourself.

If you feel talking to someone would help, there is usually counselling centre in uni or it is possible to find reasonably priced ones outside of uni.

Doing a PhD can be really difficult at times, so don't be too hard on yourself. I feel stupid all the time and am not even doing so great myself, at this current writing up phase. Most phd students have difficult phases and its always a bit harder if your miles from friends and family.