Hi all,

Hope you are all well, I just have a question about discrimination in the workplace. I have a 10 year old stepson for whom we have joint custody, but we only see him every other weekend and for about half of the school holidays. My husband is a great Dad and takes time off to look after his child, but I do the odd day of cover. However, where I cover in the day I make up for it by working extra in the evening or at the weekend.

Today, one of my supervisors expressed concern about me completing on time because I "care for a relatively small child". I was a bit taken aback by this as I have NEVER missed a deadline or a meeting or anything and certainly have never used childcare as an excuse! I spend relatively little time caring for my step son alone, and he lives with his mum during the week so it's not as if I do the school run or anything, which I have made clear on several occassions.

Is my supervisor allowed to say things like this? He has made a similar query in the past, when he found out I was engaged to a man with a child, about how I was going to manage with the care of a child as well as my PhD. It's not said in a caring/concerned way, more a, how on earth could you possibly manage to work when you have a child in your life? Isn't this a 1950s statement that shouldn't be allowed in a modern workplace?

I'm pretty sure this is discrimination and I could make a complaint, but am I right?

I'd be grateful for your input on this one (up)

Hi Linda,

I don't think your supervisor is being especially fair, and I don't think it's right for him to bring in a personal issue that has never affected your research. It would perhaps be different if the circumstances were a little more difficult and likely to change e.g. you were caring for an elderly relative, but your situation is entirely different. Everyone has lives outside of the PhD and I'm sure that others in your department have children that they care for on a full-time basis, so your supervisor shouldn't have an issue with it. Someone once told me that the type of supervision that someone gives is reflective of their own PhD experience and supervision - can you see this with him at all?

I think that if you don't address this now it will become more difficult, but I'm not sure if I would make a complaint of discrimination just yet. If you think it's appropriate, could you ask him outright whether he has any other concerns apart from your responsibilities for your stepson? I may well be wrong, but could he be using that to mask another concern? Do you have a second supervisor who you could talk to? If not, then I would speak to your research division leader and see what they think, as your supervisor is certainly making things unnecessarily difficult for you.

Hope that helps, Natassia

Hi Lindalou! Supervisors, eh? Personally I would take a comment like this as a challenge. Given that your work hasn't been affected by your responsibilities of looking after your stepson, I would just ignore it and continue to prove your supervisor wrong. Sure, it's an insensitive and inaccurate thing to say by a supervisor who is possibly narrow-minded and whose career is probably the main focus of his life, but take it as a compliment because you actually ARE managing to do both. One of my best mates is a single mum to 2 kids and she completed her PhD very recently, and there are others on here with kids who manage superbly well. My supervisor had very old fashioned views and was fuming when I got engaged during my PhD, and she couldn't bear small children either. It really riled me but I managed not to react too much. I suppose you could complain but if it is really bothering you I would bring it up with your supervisor first- a complaint could just makes things very nasty and make the rest of your PhD more difficult. Good luck with whatever you decide! KB

I think the key question is whether you are in fact behind schedule. If you are, and you haven't given him any other reason for it, then I can understand why he might assume the issue was caring responsibilities as that's something he knows about. And given he's held accountable for you finishing on time, he does actually have grounds to raise concerns about your progress with you. Have you actually discussed it with him and told him you found it offensive? It seems a bit OTT to me to go straight to a formal complaint procedure.

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Forgive me for saying this but where does this supervisor come from? It is a very biased comment to make, based on some unfounded assumption that has washed in from God knows where! It is so wrong on so many levels that it makes your supervisor seem (based on the writing) to be quite old fashioned, eccentric and out of touch with reality and the 21st century!

Ignore it and just get on with your PhD. Pity that you have to keep the supervisor but perhaps you can bring it up with him if you feel strongly about it. Sometimes a joking sort of response is the most helpful and (I very much agree with Bewildered's post below) addressing something with the person concerned is usually preferable to making a formal issue or going over their head.:-) best of luck with your PhD and even more luck with the supervisor!

Thank you all for your replies, I was curious as to what my fellow PhDers made of this! Will address appropriately, thanks for your input :-)

It's none of his business. You manage and therefore he needs not be concerned.

Whilst the hours a PhD candidate puts in can be quite heavy, it does feel as though one or two academics expect people to spend every waking moment on their work. This is not possible and people do have lives away from work and study that they manage fine without someone creating a problem where there is none.

If the remarks are just a minor nuisance value, leave it be for now if things are going okay otherwise. If the supervisor starts to create a situation, then you do have grounds for complaint on the basis discrimination. It reads to me as though the person concerned has assumed you are going to bear the brunt of the child's care responsibilities (you're a woman, etc.) and that is an archaic attitude that should indeed be left back in the 1950s.


Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

Thanks for your reply Ian, I'm going to see how it goes and go from there. But grr, I believe that it is an issue that should be left where it belongs, back in the dark days pre equality!