Sorry guys, I need to vent. I'm having a god awful day/ week/ month...

So, I'm writing up which is going terribly because I've been working on the same chapter now for nearly a month and it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. To make matters worse, I just nearly lost ALL my thesis stuff because of some technical issues, but thankfully I had backed up my work elsewhere. I nearly had a mental breakdown over the phone to my OH because of this (he's a computery fixey guy). I don't think these are the main problems though... I actually feel like I'm losing my mind...

I have no motivation for anything... the only thing I look forward to anymore is going to bed. I've turned into a hermit. I actually just feel miserable. All I want is for the PhD to be over. Really that's all I want right now. Anyone who's asked me over the last month what I want for xmas has got the same answer "for someone to finish my PhD for me". But I feel like it's never going to be over. And to make matters worse, I can't motivate myself to actually get it done. I feel like I'm being completely irrational... I know I can do it. I know I have enough time to do it. I know I want to do it... but at the moment its just like there's this huge cloud hanging over me stopping me from getting it done. To be honest I just want to cry. I don't even know why. I just feel like crying would be a lot more productive than what I'm actually doing right now.

To clarify the fact that I'm losing my mind... I just opened a bag of crisps and they were disgusting... undercooked or something... they tasted like raw potato. I wanted to cry about that as well. Walkers crisps made me want to cry. Send in the men in white coats now...

I'm sorry to burden you guys. I don't really want to talk to anyone else about this. I'm not good at crying in front of others and fear that's exactly what might happen if I do open up to family/friends/OH.

Right Jinkim - first of all you need chocolate ASAP.

Secondly, I think as I have said over on accountability, that you may need someone else to read through your chapter to give it a fresh pair of eyes, to allow you to move on.

I think you need to change to a completely different part of your thesis, work on that for a while and then come back to this chapter in a few days. you have become stuck with it, so you need to shake it up a little.

Are you keeping the rowing/jogging up - if you haven't lack of exercise could be the course of your down in the dumps week - especially if you are very used to being hyper exercised (coming from the person who hasn't exercised in 10 months! (up) )

Really sorry to hear that you're feeling like this Jinkim (although I have to admit, you did make me laugh about the walkers crisps).
I think you need to do something that makes you feel alive again. You've probably let yourself get so bogged down in
doing work,
thinking about work,
planning the work, and
BEING the work,
so much so, that you've neglected yourself and forgotten who YOU are underneath all that stuff. Do something that makes you feel human again. It might sound silly, but for example, when you take a shower in the morning just let the water fall over you - DON'T think about anything except the feeling of the water on your skin and the different temperatures of the water on your arm or your shoulder. What most people tend to do in their morning shower is forward plan or act out the day in their mind before the day has even started, which means you're effectively living the day twice, and so the events feel monotonous, dry, lifeless, and boring - how can you have motivation under those circumstances? The other thing, when you go to bed, stop lying there feeling guilty about it! Give yourself permission to switch off from your work now and again Jinkim. Just enjoy the feeling of being able to relax WITHOUT drilling work thoughts into your mind at the same time. Maybe you should go for a swim or a run or something to get your blood circulating a bit more - that would re-energize you a bit.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you get out of it soon. I have gathered from many of the things that you say in the PGforum that you are a very intelligent person - don't let this stupid anti-motivated feeling get in the way of your progression in your work, but also don't let the stupid work take over you. Oh, and.... you better leave off the Walkers crips for a while though eh? 
Maybe try a friendly sprout instead (sprout)

I nearly spat my cold cup of coffee out on my keyboard when I read about the sub-standard Walkers crisps you had. Now, I'd expect that of Golden Wonder, but... I can't really add to the advice that you have already been given by both the lovely Sneaks and Cobweb (oh, got 640 points in the Xmas game last night Cobweb! Take that and party!), but I can tell you a funny story about me standing up for my consumer rights that may bring a smile.
I'd bought one of those meat feast pizzas from Asda (sorry vegetarians, but you can't describe it as meat - doesn't taste like it). Anyway, it was 2-99 and when I opened it, there was hardly any meat on it - just 3 pieces of peperoni! Well, I turned into a psycho version of Martin Lewis and called up my local Asda.

"Hello?"
"Yes, hello there. I've just bought a pizza from your establishment and there's hardly any meat on it. There's just 3 pieces of peperoni."
"What size is it? What is the product code?"
"I've looked under the cheese. There's definitely only 3 pieces of peperoni and there's not really any ham either".
"Please can I have the product code?"

Anyway, despite my best efforts at being a consumer champion, I only managed to get a George Gift Card worth £2! I ate the pizza in the end and it was the most meatless meat feast pizza I have ever had.

Jinkim65, perhaps take a break this afternoon or find some light administrative work you can do, which there's all someone of. Come back to it tomorrow with a clearer head. I'm having to write up as I conduct my research and it's no joke. I'm feeling exactly like you with wishing Father Christmas was a prestigious Doctor of Science and thesis writing windmill, who could just give me my thesis for Christmas. Oh, and change you brand of crisps! Blood Walkers! Try Seabrooks! Your statutory rights are not affected. :-)

Thanks guys. Your posts made me smile.

Cobweb... I've actually written a letter to walkers and put the crisps in an envelope ready to send back. The will not get away with ruining my lunch like that!!

Sneaks, I am still rowing, running etc, but am losing motivation for that. Because I'm on a training programme it's starting to feel like a chore... like this extra thing I have to do, so I've been rebelling and missing sessions. I'm going to decorate my moms Xmas tree later instead. Hopefully that'll cheer me up a bit... and I get to see my beautiful niece :-)

I've decided to get this chapter done.... by the end of this week. My hope is that once it's done, the rest will come a lot easier and my mood will brighten as a result. This is the one chapter in which my findings threw up anomalies, so I'm having to do loads of extra reading to discuss it all. I will get it done!! Even if its a big pile of poo, I will get it done.

It's weird... opening up on here has made me feel better. I recommend it!! ;-)

well done Jinkim - keep with the running, try listening to an audio book so it really is your time away from things, and feels less like a chore. If I could run, I would imagine every step being a word on my thesis and running along a massive piece of paper. Unfortunately my back means I hobble along like a cripple, so more like a full stop than a scentence!

As to what other people have said about feeling human again, try a nice long walk: in the countryside, along a river, or on the coast. During which time just let your mind, eyes, and body wander where they will and stop concentrating on work. Don't feel guilty and see it as a waste of time, it's a way to become more time-efficient.

I also recommend something violent, like boxing.

hi jimkim, really sorry to hear about everything, i really hope you're feeling better soon. I agree with the others, it's definitely time to take a break from your work, there's no point beating your head off that chapter when it's not going anywhere. I think it's best to take a proper break, for a whole day at least, go get a massage, a haircut something to let you relax and honestly try not to think about owrk.
Or if you really can't face the idea of losing a days work, then you should move onto doing something else as sneaks has already said. I've found the best way to deal with the totally un-moticated times is to do something silly everyday, just so when you're really fed up you can think about it and laugh. Personally, I prefer sticking on some super cheesy music first thing in the morning when i wake up and lepping around like a looney dancing to it, its a good way to get the blood flowing and it's fun! and when i say cheesy I mean it!
and lastly, stay away from the bad walkers, if you're after the cheese and onion, Tayto are the only way to go! (snowman)

Wally...

On the consumer rights thing... I once went to MacDonalds and ordered a double cheese burger. When I opened it, the bun was mouldy. I was nearly sick. So I went to the counter to complain and they said it wasn't mouldy, it was from the grill... gross. A mouldy grill. So, I complained to the big man (I expect it was Ronald MacDonald himself) and got £10 worth of vouchers. Bonus! Problem is, I'm not overly keen on eating mouldy food, so haven't been back since. I've never understood why they sent me MacDonalds vouchers when I quite clearly said in my email-of-complaint that I would NEVER eat at MacDonald again... Obviously Ronald missed that bit when he read it...

eww, that has totally put me off mcdonalds, and no 'supersize me' didn't - I just wanted more *sneaks rolls around laughing - literally*

I bought a £600 cooking hob once, which I thought was faulty, so they sent someone to collect it, only the person came round and delivered the new one, but left before I could give him the 'faulty' one. Anyway, it turned out it wasn't faulty - so I have 2 £600 hobs! - one is under the stairs until the used one gets too scratched or something.

I did live in fear for about a year that they would come crashing thorugh my front door asking for it back though!

Jinkim: The McDonald's vouchers could be a free (to you) Christmas present to a person with a young family?

Sneaks: The £600 cooker could be a free (to you) Christmas present to a board member who's spent about 12 of his last 48 hours in the kitchen cursing the shitness of the cooker.....

This thread has reminded me that I meant to complain to Tescos. A few weeks ago I got some shopping and has to use a plastic bag, the bag was so rubbish that my bottle of wine went straight through the plastic and smashed on the floor :( now I know they should be encouraging people not to use plastic bags but surely this will have the oposite effect and people will use two?!

Also speaking of maccy Ds I was in their a few years ago and a girl brought back her big mac complaining about something, I think that the bread looked stale, so they gav her another one and put the first back on the shelf to sell to someone else!!

Anyway hope some of these stories help cheer you up. I think this time of year it's so hard to get motivated. i've done basically nothign the last two days and have a pile of marking looking at me saying if you don't start on me know you'll be marking over christmas day!

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This thread reminds me of a complaint I made to Curry's once, who, may I add, are notorious for NOT giving refunds but rather a lot of b*llsh*t to the customer about fixing your item instead. I went round and round in circles (like a teddy bear de dum de dum) phoning up and complaining about my laptop which I had only had for about 9 months (the full stop button stopped working Grrrr!). They gave me so much sh*t, that I asked to speak to the managing director of Curry's - yes, that's right: the big MD right at the top of the company. The customer services bloke laughed down the phone at me and said "You'll never get hold of him! That's like talking to Bill Gates!"
Well, guess what? I DID FIND THE MANAGING DIRECTOR'S (DIFFICULT TO FIND) TELEPHONE NUMBER, SPOKE TO HIM DIRECTLY, TOLD HIM ALL THE RUBBISH THAT HIS CUSTOMER SERVICES TEAM WERE TELLING ME, GAVE HIM ALL THEIR NAMES.....AND!!!! I got a replacement laptop (top of the range and better than the old smelly one), £200 cash back (sent by cheque and personally signed by the MD), and £200 worth of free equipment from Curry's shop AND I was allowed to choose what I wanted. Awesome! 8-)

Cobweb - don't suppose you feel like sharing that number? Or in my case the respective one for Dell (I will never buy from them again!).

Jinkim I hope you're continuing to feel better and very glad you were able to seek solace from our collective phd bosom. It strikes me that you're pushing yourself pretty hard on all fronts (exercise, phd), do you think maybe you just need a break of some sort? I know that when I set a full schedule and achieve a lot (it has happened) I feel great for a while, but inevitably have periods of burnout when the endless pushing just wears me down. Are you taking any sort of holiday over Christmas this year?
Oh, and I can completely relate to crisps making you cry! When I get stressed and worn down my favorite thing is to weep pathetically at adverts on tv - usually ones which aren't remotely sad or are sad only in the most trite and insulting way. It's a stage of work-induced tiredness that hubby and I refer to by the question "have you lost your sense of humour?" as this seems to be another key feature.

Hi Jinkim

Glad you're feeling a little better - hope decorating the (tree) cheers you up. The others are right, you need a break. It's really hard to keep going at this time of the year, we're tired, need a holiday, and on top of that, writing up is really difficult. Have a break and do some things you enjoy, and don't worry about work for a bit. Your thesis WILL get done, believe in yourself, just take a break.

OK, for really stupid consumer stories. A while ago I was flossing my teeth, the floss got stuck between my teeth and broke off. I drove me crazy - the more I tried to floss to get it out, the more wedged it became. I was like some mad beastie, trying to get this annoying thing out of my mouth. Anyway, had to go to the dentist for them to remove the wad of floss. Complained to the company, and they sent out these torture looking devices they'd developed to replace floss - like wire strung across a little hand held gizmo. Well, looked like something out of a Clockwork Orange, so didn't use that. So, beware of nasty dental floss! Right, here's what my teeth need...(mince)