Let me explain from the very beginning, oh well, its a long story so heres the short version..Just left my family behind, not to forget my boyfriend , then left the country to travel to the UK to start my PhD.
This PhD is a scholarship which I have been applying for , for nearly a year and half, this finally came through! I was ecstatic, jumping all over the place, shouting it off the rooftops because I was gonna start my PHD..

NOW..
Its just been a month so far, and I have just started on my very first reaction today, up until today I actually considered leaving and catching the next flight back home!!
Being the Interntional student doesnt help, and since I joined in April, people( Undergrads and postgrads) are jus busy with exams and my fellow PhDs are busy with their own research!!

Its Like being surrounded by people yet being alone. I have always had friends, made new ones, but this time its just different, My family isnt here , neither are my friends, and in short This sucks!!!!
2 years and 11 months to go ..
Im exhausted of plastering this smile on my face, when inside Im just Sad.
:$

hi MissinHome,

I completely understand. Like you, my friends are here yet nobody is there. In fact, nobody wants to do anything because everyone has their own thing to do. It was also very difficult for me to find a friend to hang out with; why because but not everyone has the same "frequency", sometimes the chemistry is not there. Not easy.

You dont have to plaster a smile on your face; if you are sad, you are sad.

But please believe me that you will get over this; you will gradually learn to cherish the time you spend alone; it gives you the opportunity for self-reflection and also a chance for you to do whatever it is you want to do for yourself, by yourself, to yourself!

2 years and 11 months will move very fast. Don't be sad. Put all your effort in your phd--and of course, pamper yourself. Get angry with your supervisor (ok just joking!!!), go on skype with your family, hang out in this forum more often :-) :-) :-), do work, go window shopping, try new recipes, clean your house etc.

Whatever you do now, it is all about you, to you, for you, by you.
love
satchi

Oh Satchi I think Luv u .. right about now ! :)
I really needed this pick me up. and I stumbled across this site and needed to vent, hence the unorganised original thread .
I dont need people to make me happy , its normal to want to have friends aropund, Im giving them time to come to me :)
and honestly I could do with some. But as you said, I have begun cooking, baking too - Just made a batch of snickers and peanut butter muffins (Yes I am uber proud :)

Hi Missinhome
I kind of know how you feel, I'm doing my PhD in the same uni as I did my undergrad but all my friends who I lived with or studied with all left the summer before I started to get jobs, move home etc and I didn't know anyone in the end! It was very strange suddenly not being able to do the things I was used to because I didn't know anyone. And I'm definitely one of those people who needs friends around! To top it off, I dot off to a kind of bad start with my project and was on the verge of leaving many times, had an argument with my supervisor where I sat and cried my eyes out the whole way through and my boyfriend left to go back to his own country so I was properly all over the place.
However, you will get through it! During that first year I have made friends with people in my lab, and I got more involved in a student club and met someone who is now one of my very best mates who I'd be lost without. My supervisor and I get on a lot better, my project has gone how I wanted it to go, I've had some brilliant times away for the PhD and for holidays, my relationship with my boyfriend is stronger than ever due to doing the long distance relationship and I really appreciate my old friends more when I see them. And somehow through it all people in work thought I was the happiest person ever, even when I felt miserable inside.
So I guess my point is, it's bloody crap at the start when you are away from the things and the people you know, especially having a different culture and type of people to deal with (over here people tend to be quite reserved and slow to make friends) but don't worry, you will get there and you'll feel like a much better person for it. (up)

:-) Thanks algaequeen. It helps to know Im not a weirdo. and that there are people out there with long distance relationships too. I was never for long distance rels, coz I prefer to have that person with me ..around me ..or just near me!
Funny thing is I used to be the kind of person who walk into a room and say Helloo gooodmorning everyone..over here I dont do that coz people would just think which weirdo dropped in!!
At the moment Im focrusing on myesearch and Im giving things time to unravel I guess (Myself Included):)

Hey Missinhome,

Although, it's not international, I moved 400 miles to begin my PhD, so I understand how you feel. At the time, I had left behind some of the closest friends I ever had and my family and I didn't think it would be the same. It takes a while, but now I'm very happy with the friends I have made here, and feel I have more fun here than I did back home. It helps if you can find a society you can fit in with, so find time to have activities outside your PhD.

Missing family is very tough and to me it's a struggle, but a PhD is flexible in the sense that you choose when you take time off.

P.S. Stay on this forum :-)

CB x

It's completely normal to feel like this. But you've just been here for a very short time, and I promise things would change very soon. When I started I hardly knew anyone but over time I've made many good friends. It's just one of those things that takes time I guess. Does your department have regular pub/other forms of meet-up? It's a good way to know more people. Have you considered joining some societies? At my uni we have a society for postgrad students, so going to their socials proved to be a good way of meeting people and making friends. There are also national societies and sports societies too. I'd suggest going along to different socials to get to know people. Good luck!

Hi MissinHome,
I just wanted to share a story with you. I did the last few months of lab-work for my PhD in another country. I'm back at home now, writing up, and not a day goes by when i don't think about my time there. I felt lonely and isolated most of the time and cried because of it (most of this was down to the fact that i essentially lived alone, and was in a country where english was not the first language, and i could not speak theirs. Which makes lunchtimes and teabreaks extremely difficult). And yes, a lot of people are not too considerate of those who are new to a country and alone - i can vouch for that.

But,there are a LOT of things i miss about it. The freedom is probably the best thing about a move like that - you get to do what you want, when you want, no questions asked. You will obviously work a lot, and that will keep you going. The early days are the hardest - settling in properly takes months, getting to know people takes time too. When i look back now, the people i miss the most are the ones who kept me talking from my very earliest days, although i did not realise how much they did it at the time.

Persevere, have fun, talk a lot, email and call people at home, do things that you want to do - because, i promise, it does get better. (And if you're really lucky, you can be a freak like me who cried because i was there, and then cried because i did not want to come home).

It will be worth it!

Hi There
Spring is a crummy time of year to start since you ahve identified that everyon is tied up with the end of the academic year. But it really isn't that long to the start fo the new academic year when there will be new students starting adn maybe some social events organised and you'll have the advantage over them as you will know the lay of the land. Are there any post grad societies where you are studying or are ther einduction events for new post grads.

I started parttime in December at the uni where I did my MSc (5 years ago) which is across the road from my secondary school but as a part-timer who is rarely in the department (socail science and fieldwork so I just have no need to be there except for meetings) I feel a bit lost - hasn't helped that I should have been invited on an induction event but central admin (the same clowns who lost my application for 6 weeks) never invited me and now the next one is in September.

Hang in there - do you have any hobbies you could join a group for or do the department hold any events? If there are new Post grads coming in September maybe you could organise something - I'm sure they would appreciate it.

How far away is "home" - is it possible for soemone (boyfriend) to come and visit you? Probably not a good idea for you to go back so soon.

As other people have said - use the forum - it's really good to knwo that there are peopel out there in cyber space who can help - whether it's practical help or just someone to listen to your moans or make you laugh, just knowing there are people who even though we don't (and may never) know each other still care about each other make things seem not so bad.

Home is Dubai, so Its quite a distance, hoping I can make a trip make home in acouple of months , 7 months later hopefully.
But you're right, joining this forum, makes me feel soooo much better.
Thanks for your post !

======= Date Modified 09 May 2010 00:17:39 =======
It may be useful to tell you my story. I came to Switzerland for PhD, I do not speak french, even my english was not very good. I do not have any friend here because I do not have any courses in the Uni. So, I am totally alone, far from my family and friends. I have my husband with me, but this put a lot of responsibility on my shoulders.
So, you are not alone, stay in this forum and share us your thoughts and goals.

Good luck

Before I started my master, several years ago, I had been to UK as an Erasmus student. My experience was as bad as it could be. I had a lot of personal problems and problems with the course I had to take (I didn't like the modules at all) and health problems (that the GP failed to diagnose and my doctor from Greece diagnosed over the phone!!!!).
So, when I got on the plane to go to UK again, this time for my first master, I was terrified! I was thinking "The door of the plane hasn't closed yet, you have 1 minute to get off it!!!! and when we took off "It will be only a year. If you just study it will pass. It is like a medicine!!!!"
To cut a long story short, after the first couple of weeks that were difficult, I started meeting people by going to cafes in the uni, by going to the local pub etc. At the end of my course, I didn't want to leave!!!!! I wanted to stay there, but I had probelms with recognising my bachelor (something that now is possible!!).
Just be patient! You will make new friends and you will see that your experience will be great!!!

Friends will probably come and go, in academic or any science setting people don't tend to stick. They're hard to find and make and soon afterwards they leave. You get hardened to it, learn to keep in touch with those you know all over the world but most of all I would reccommend joining social or sports clubs, it will be your escape time when things get tough, a good stress relief and fitness aid if you pick an active sport and also a place where you can meet normal people with regular lives who can ground you when you get stuck in the little world PhD students get stuck in.
I'm in the last 6 months of a 4 year PhD and I wouldn't have lasted even then first 6 months if I hadn't immediately combed my town for sports clubs I might like.

Good luck!