Hi everyone, me again!

This is something I'd put to the back of my mind but now with the new year having started, it's been brought to the fore. And quite sharply at that.

By basic question is: do I absolutely need to attend conferences?

And the reason for asking is simple: I have a complete fear of flying. It's not just a simple dislike or anything like that: I can't stomach even the thought of being on a plane. And I can't stomach the thought of attending a course to overcome it either, because that could lead me to getting on a plane (that probably doesn't make much sense, but please trust me on this).

I know that networking is important, but we are hosting a workshop at our uni in the coming months where I'll meet quite a few people in the field. It's also likely there will be conferences in the UK (or possibly even somewhere reachable at a reasonable price without having to fly). But for this coming year, they're just too far away to not fly.

During my interview for the position, I did mention I'd never been on a plane in my life...but then rather stupidly, said "but it's not a fear or anything". But it is. And now I feel I can't say anything to my supervisor without coming across as having lied. And while it may come across as a lie, it was one of these things where at the time my fear had been buried but now that I'm having to think about actually flying, it's come back.

I just don't know what to do. It's actually getting to the point where I'm considering quitting and finding a job because it seems I'm going from one problem to another and I'm only 3 months in. :-(

Mark87, like you, I have never been on a plane in my life. And, like you, I have a very strong feeling of flying. I know we get all this stuff about, statistically, you being more likely to die in a car crash but still I'm terrified of the idea of flying on a plane. However, I absolutely think that you should not drop out because of this.
Conferences are important for networking and future career prospects; it also looks very good on your CV if you present at one. I think that you should just explain to your sup that you have a great fear of flying, a phobia. It's not your fault afterall, nothing intentional, you just have a phobia or an irrational fear. You can always attend conferences in other years of your PhD. In my first year, I never attended any conferences and if any will involve flying in future, I will refuse to go. And you can argue you weren't lieing, because you can say the idea of flying never came to you as a fear until you've actually had to consider it proper. In fact, you can even explain that you've tried very hard to overcome the problem by considering intending classes and then explain the problems you have experienced trying to do this.
And since you're only 3 months in, try and relax, these are just teething problems. I remember when I was three months in and realised that my methodology was useless - I had to change so much of my work.

Hi Mark

It is really important to attend conferences, and to present at them, so you get known, meet future employers/collaborators and to network. That's good if you don't need to fly to meet people - but one day there could come a conference that you would love to attend and would have to fly to get to. Seriously think about getting some treatment/counselling for this, otherwise you could end up denying yourself some really important opportunities. Tell your sup too - they need to know. And don't give up! Facing your fears is all part of the PhD process! I had a massive fear of travelling by myself/negotiating another country, but did it, enjoyed it, and am the stronger for having gone through this challenge.

Hi Mark.
A friend of mine had the most terrible fear of flying,it became a real problem as her family and partner were abroad and driving for 4 days to reach them wasn't really an option. The only way she could get on a plane was to get drunk-not pleasant. It all came to a head when she had to spend several days in bed after a particularly bad flight and I suspect she had alcoholic poisoning, I'm not talking the usual hangover scenario here.

Her partner bought her a course of hypnosis, we were all very sceptical as this was not a fear,it was the most debilitating phobia. The hypnosis involved her imagining she was in a place that was very special to her whenever she became panicky and this helped to calm her down. Yes, she had to get on a plane as part of the course, but the first time it didn't move,she just had to sit on it,the next time it just moved along the runway and so gradually and in stages she realised she could do it.

The course worked and she now flies regularly and with ease; she'd still rather not fly, but  she can cope. I would certainly think again about having hypnosis,you have nothing to lose and the whole world to gain. I hope you are able to overcome this, just think of the prize.

Hi Mark! I think if you want a career in academia, then yes, you do need to attend conferences. Even if you were to avoid this for the length of your PhD, then if you continue into a research career, you will most likely be expected to go quite far afield to attend and present at conferences. Of course, there will probably be some relevant ones in the UK you can start with which will be a bit easier for you to access. A PhD friend of mine had an awful phobia of flying too, and we recently flew to a conference in Ireland, despite her fears. To be honest, the whole thought of having to fly back home after a few days ruined the conference for her, and she ended up booking a different flight home because she didn't like the plane we had flown there on as it was so small. She was terrified. I would try getting help for your phobia. For a while you will probably be okay attending UK conferences if there are some relevant ones in your field, but later on you might want to travel further to get to the best conferences...if you were to try and get help now then you will be able to take your time over it and have less pressure on you. I don't know what sort of treatment is available, but if you go to see your doctor, they should be able to put you in touch with someone I would think. Certainly don't let it ruin your PhD for you- you will be able to overcome this (even though it probably doesn't feel like it now). Best wishes, KB.

Regarding your supervisor, I think that you are going to have to be honest and tell him that it is a genuine phobia - but also say that you didn't realise it was as you've never been in a situation where you've had to deal with it before.

Attend a course, and take it one step at a time. The point of it obviously would be to remove the irrational, paralysing fear so that you can travel by plane in the future and make your life a bit easier. You are not only missing out on conferences, but also just on experiencing the world. Having said that, if there are European conferences you'd like to attend, there's always the train - it might take longer but it's possibly an option to consider while you're dealing with this so you don't miss out?

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies. I feel slightly embarrassed, because as you'll see from my post time, it was in the early hours of the morning (2am). Sometimes when I stay up late, I worry myself silly about things and this time it was the turn of my possibly having to fly out to conferences.

Don't get me wrong - I am quite uneasy about flying, but I did seem to magnify it quite a bit and posted this while in a bit of a panic :$

I am, nonetheless, grateful for the advice provided, because it gives me something to call upon if, as the time draws nearer, I have another "episode" like this.

hi mark87 I'm so glad many people have responded to you. I want to tell you that the fear of flying can be cured!
I personally have 2 friends who had this.

1: male in his 50s, he said when he had it, he used to be very grumpy on the plane and would scold everybody. Because he was afraid to fly, he would drive miles and miles and miles from one city to the next and this drove his wife absolutely mad! but he got over this phobia and now he flies everywhere.

2. female in her 20s, she used to take medication in the plane. But she was fighting this. A few years ago as we flew back to frankfurt together, a couple of friends and myself tried to keep her entertained in the plane before it took off. I told her stories, she was holding my hand and listening. We tried to keep the medication from her. But minutes before the plane actually left the ground she swallowed the medication and knocked herself out! she was all right when the plane landed. After this incident she did get over it.

fear of flying can be cured but you have to make the effort
you'll be fine
satchi