This is kind of similar to the accommodation thread below, but I'm hoping someone can help with my specific worry. I'm moving to a new city to do a PhD and I won't know anyone there. Unlike my current London location, however, I will be able to afford a 1 bed flat by myself, and I am thinking of taking advantage of this so I can have my own space and avoid the gamble of moving in with strangers.

I'm a bit scared I could be making a big mistake though. Will I end up feeling really lonely if I live by myself?

You'll only feel lonely if you don't make the effort to get out and meet people to offset living by yourself - if you throw yourself into student life, join some clubs, mix with your fellow students, you'll probably get the right balance!

Hey! I don't think choosing to live by yourself will necessarily result in you being lonely. I stayed in the same city for my PhD but my mates all left at the end of our MSc so I had to start making new pals. I live with another girl (we met when we were looking round the flat we are now renting, and she had just moved here so didn't know anyone). To start with we hung out together quite a lot but after a few months we had our own gangs of friends and whilst we get on with each other quite well, we don't really hang out together much now aside from watching DVDs together! And to be honest, whilst at first I used to miss her company when she's away (she goes on quite a lot of trips abroad), I kinda like having the space now and would quite like a place to myself. So personally I wouldn't be put off having your own place- you will have to make a bit of an effort to get to know people in the department and through other avenues, but give it a bit of time and you will soon build up a network of friends. There will be other students in the same boat as you so maybe take the initiative and organise a night out for new students or something. Some people on the forum will say that work and pleasure don't mix, but my two best buddies are on the same team as me at work and it doesn't cause any problems at all- it just means I have a good work life and a good social life as well! And to be honest, I took the gamble of living with someone I didn't know and it has worked out okay- but it is a gamble. The last thing you need when starting off is living with someone you really can't stand! Good luck with it! KB

I agree with Dan... It's up to you to engage yourself and try to "live into" your new place.
Do you live by yourself right now?

I have moved to different cities quite a few times (for UG studies to a small city, for work to a small island, then got tranfered to another city), even to a different country (UK as an Erasmus student in Wales and for my first master in Midlands), so I have quite a few experiences from moving and settling down.
As all the others said, try to socialise. Try not to stay in your house. Go to the park or to the local pub, speak to the people next to you, go to university events.... You will find people, who may not become your friends, but with whom you will be able to socialise!

Natasha, no I live with flatmates at the moment, and have never lived alone thus far, so doing it in a new city is a doubly big thing! It does appeal in some ways though.

I lived alone for the latter part of my first masters and i would say - go for it.. that is, give it a try. it is a much better way round to first start alone and see how you like it (if you get lonely after six months or something by that time you will have more friends and safe avenues to move in with people you kind of know or know a friend of rather than someone totally random). IME - and is the reason why i moved out of a flat share to go alone half way through my last masters - living with nightmare people who you don't get on with when you are trying to study hard is a completely nightmare, and it is worse to be trapped in a rental contract with someone you hate than on your own - believe me.

try it alone first and see how you like it. there is always the library and department open if you get lonely studying at home alone.

good luck! exciting times.

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double post

======= Date Modified 14 Jun 2010 22:21:17 =======
Thanks for all the replies : )

since my last post i actually have to move out soon and hope to be a phd student in oct - am thinking to share with one other - worried about the loneliness? am 30 years old and a little bit undecided on what the best option might be. not getting on with a flatmate or someone inconsiderate sucks - especially if working late etc but living alone might be really lonely from the outset.... difficult decision! what did you decide?

It's different strokes for different folks, I think. Some people enjoy the solitude of living alone. It definitely has it's advantages when doing a PhD or Masters - few distractions and lots of peace and quiet. But then, if you're used to living with people and are very social, it can be quite a culture shock. I've lived alone, I've lived with flat mates I really hated (pot smoking wannabe Nirvana groupies) and I've lived with a partner. Out of them all, I hated living alone the most. Not because I didn't have friends or anything, it was just the absolute silence and coming home to an empty house that I hated. You might really enjoy it though. You certainly identify what you perceive to be the advantages.

argh. I don't know what to do.

i am not sure either :(
i have lived alone, with partners and with mates and strangers and yeah i spose i got good bits from all of them. partners best for things being the way you want - partner being easier to get to clean up/shut tup etc, plus they love you so would want to be considerate anyway - but i no longer have one of those.

mates i have lived with - it has gone terribly wrong on a few occasions - people not paying rent, bills, not lifting a finger cleaning wise and being incredibly noisy - two people i never spoke to again after a year of hell (two separate occasions) when i was trying to study,

and strangers - again this can go horribly, horribly wrong. argh! very annoying - i feel your pain. i have a lot of mates which makes living alone feel like it would be okay, but yes - that silence to come home to every single night might get a bit much. i think for me in an ideal world i share a flat with one other person that i get on with reeeally well.. god knows how to find that though!