As I write this I'm in good form and haven't had a bad day. I've always felt very detached from my PhD, the area holds no interest whatsoever, never has, and I very much treat it as a job or a way to make money. However, to be completely honest I did think I would learn something from doing a PhD but I haven't (only more about a subject which I have no interest in). I can only say I felt I learned a LOT more from all the research posts I held before and I'm being very serious. I haven't acquired any more research skills during the PhD and, again, I'm being very serious. I think my supervisors are nice people and pretty much leave me to it but they don't inspire me (previous supervisors have) and they haven't taught me anything, in my opinion. Actually I feel terrible for saying this but I think I could have designed a better research project and feel it's very, very flawed. I genuinely don't feel comfortable with it because I think it could reflect badly on me as people may think I've designed it which I most certainly didn't. I know if I was an examiner I would tear it to shreds and yet I am very proud to have my name attached to all the other research I undertook as I rate it highly.

Does anyone else feel embarrassed about, and completely detached, from their PhD? I hate the idea that people will read it and think it's 'me'. It's a bit like being given a recipe and being told to cook a meal. If the recipe isn't up to much it's likely to impact on the meal, regardless of the skills of the cook.

I have to say at this early stage I don't feel at all detached from my PhD. My understanding is that there two types of people who undertake a PhD. The first group are those who do it for a living, such as yourself. It is a means to an ends, you need the degree to achieve certain positions in academia and thus choose a PhD which gets you there. Then there are people like me. I left with a masters 10 or so years ago with no intention of going back to study, but have always had an interest in a particular area of my profession (child psychology). Over the past couple of years my views about it have solidified to the point where I want to investigate further my theories and thus a PhD is the next step. I have only in the past month begun to think about using it as a launching pad for work as a researcher or academic.
Not sure if I am right or not, what do ya think?

I'm always happiest doing something I really enjoy and so if you enjoy what you are doing and can get a PhD out of it that's a bonus - good luck!

Sounds like you're not enjouing things, sorry to hear that. Maybe you need to take more control/ownership of your PhD? Have you pointed out the flaws to your supervisors? Could be the first step into shaping the project into something you're happier to put your name to.

I've loved my PhD but I think my experience has been vastly different to yours. Other than the very first experiment I've run the direction and developments have been led by me and assisted by my supervisor. It feels very much like we've worked together to come up with a project I've wanted to do rather me working on a project of his that I've been given. And I think the control is the key thing there. Is there anyway you could get more?

Is there anyway you could link it to areas that do interest you?

Hi peljam,

Thanks for the reply. What you have said is very interesting in terms of ownership and control and I think you're right. It was a set project but from the outset my supervisors kept verbally telling me to take ownership and to make it my own but I can only say every time I tried to I felt overruled but in a subtle way. In my opinion, one of the supervisors (the main one) had a very clear idea of what they wanted and how they wanted the project to go and I very much see it as 'their baby'. If I made a suggestion it was listened to but rarely, if ever, followed up and even when I expressed concerns I don't feel these were addressed. Both supervisors have known each other for a very long time and seem to get on really well but I think this is the first time that they have supervised a project together. I feel the other supervisor would have been more willing for me to put my stamp on it but can't be sure. In reality, I think of myself as a research assistant but one who is trusted to get on with things. It has been a disappointing experience and as researchers I've little respect for my supervisors but as people I do like them. To be honest, it really is just a wage packet to me which is such a shame.

Hi there,

I think I know how you feel about not wanting to own certain pieces of work because they don't reflect your true capabilities. I felt this way about my undergrad disseration. Basically I did my MA first and got a Distinction then did an undergrad and was allocated a topic for the dissertation that I hated. Not only did I have exactly less than 0 interest in the field, but the supervisor was more hard work than the actual project. It was their project and they would not allow any deviations from their idea of the best ever project. Seems like the examiners disagreed as it drew a mediocre 2:1 mark (one from the bottom of the 2:1 boundary) which is the lowest mark I had received for coursework in all 3 years of the degree. Not only am I fuming that I was forced to carry out this stupid project with a person that essentially ruined any chances of passing with a First, but I also feel ashamed that I have this dumb piece of 'research' with my name on it :-s

When I was applying for my PhD position, I ended up telling the interviewer that I was embarrassed about the project because the research questions and the experimental design were beyond weak and I didn't want them thinking that's how I went about carrying out research. Lucky for me, the MA dissertation was more interesting for the PhD because of the topic content and they were happy enough to see that rather than look at the undergrad dissertation.

I have binned my hard copy of the undergrad report but it bothers me that somewhere in a University in the UK a copy of this hideous manual on how NEVER to carry out any sort of project not even at primary school level is floating around with my name on it.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through this for something as intense and time consuming as a PhD. I know I could never put myself through that. I found it difficult enough to do the undergrad project because I resented every single word I had to read on a topic that bored me to tears and presumably, considering the mark, expressed that through the writing.

With the PhD, I am in the stage of self doubt and asking myself the question of why in heaven's name I thought I could do one.

Milly_Cat, your post pretty much sums up what I'm feeling. No, it sums up what I'm feeling. Sadly, for a number of reasons I have to stick with it. I found reading your post very helpful and strangely enough comforting, thank you.

Good luck with your PhD.