Hello all. I am about to finish my 2nd year. I am on a studentship working with a government department. By mid September I have to finish a report for them and completed a first draft of my lit review (15,000 words minimum). My tutors think I've doing a good job and so does my sponsor however I'm a YEAR behind on my reading. Seriously a year. I have had some major problems in my personal life (physically and mentally draining) which have seriously effected my motivation for doing the PhD and have made me severely depressed. I do not want to go to the doctor as it will be on my medical records and I fear it will harm my job prospects. I feel I get no support from my family who are unwilling or unable to understand what I am doing - it's politics and it's as dry as sticks so I don't blame them. I'm about to start the final stage of my data collection and I feel that I'm going to be totally swamped. I'm so far behind it makes me want to cry. Doing the PhD was all I ever wanted to do for so many years and now that I am 2/3 of the way through it I feel a complete fraud and incapable of completing it.

Any advice would be most appreciated. Thanks.

What's on your medical records shouldn't affect your job prospects at all. It would be confidential, between you and your doctor. If you're that depressed you should seek medical help, whether you plan to finish the PhD or not. I would also recommend a frank discussion with your supervisor about how far you feel behind and whether it will be possible to catch up and strategies for doing this. It's no use them thinking you're doing fine, and you getting more down. Good luck.

Thanks Bilbo

Are you really a year behind with your reading? If this was a major problem, wouldn't your supervisors have noticed by now? Bilbo's right - talk to them. And go and see your doctor - those records remain confidential and your employer doesn't need to know. If you need to take time off work to see a dr, do it. We all go to dr and don't tell the boss why!

See a counsellor too, to get some support and professional help. Analysing data can be overwhelming, you need to have a plan to do your work. Break it down into manageable chunks, do a little bit at a time - you'll get it done! Don't see it as one huge task where you don't know where to start, see it as a lot of smaller projects that you're going to work through.

Go and get some professional help. It sounds like you're really motivated and want to work, you just need a bit of help right now. Look after yourself, good luck.

As you can guess by my name I've been going through a similar situation. There are a lot of us out there that feel overwhelmed and overworked, stressed and unstable, but if this extends past passing feelings of desperation about your PhD (what I am calling PhD Depression) and into continual feelings of desperation about things in your "real life" then you must get help. There is nothing more important than that right now. No one will see your medical records and, anyway, most of the western world is in therapy too. We pretend it's a bad word still, but really everyone is doing it.

Do it now while you have the great and probably cheap or free mental health resources provided by your school. Only once you've taken care of the most important thing a PhD student has (their brain), can you start to think of how to fix this situation.

When you're ready for that, I listed different resources that your school might provide in my blog
( http://www.phddepression.com/2009/08/tip-3-get-professional-help.html )

Finally, keep talking to us. It's lonely when it feels like no one is going through what you are. But we are.

Good luck.

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Thanks. It is good to talk. I've bored my wife and myself to tears going around in circles. Other family members and friends looking from the outside are (or would be) completely baffelled by my view of the world at present ie a lovely wife, two great kids, house, car, being PAID to be a student and you want to give it all up?!. It's just not turning out like I hoped. I'm even more overweight than when I started. I hardly exercise. More of me is falling to bits. I'm drinking too much and when I'm in a good mood I'm on a real high, but come crashing down to earth over the most trivial of things. I was depressed before I started the PhD and I was hoping it would lift me out of it. I'm trying to do one chunk at a time but I've got a Mammoth let alone an elephant to get through.

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Have just completed Goldberg's depression test online and scored 78. A score of 54 or more is severe depression. I think I finally need to go to the Drs.

Good luck at the drs Fred. Hopefully even taking this first step will make you feel better, then you can work out a whole range of strategies to get you back on track. And if you need to take an extra year to do your PhD, well, that's fine too. Don't worry about that now.

I think that's a great idea and I'm glad you've made the decision to take care of yourself. Don't worry about taking time away from the PhD program. In fact, the advice I hear most often when people don't like their program is to take a leave of absence (which is usually granted for health reasons, so in this case it could be your mental health) and see how you feel after a year. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity for that.

Good luck.

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Hi FredSmith,

Just wanted to share that I also had to undergo a serious personal life issue during my first 2 years. I thought PhD on top of it was too much and really wanted to quit as I was sure I wouldn't manage being distracted and as you expressed "drained" all the time mentally and physically. I got to a deepest point of nowhere when I realized I need help. I went to the related couselor and just talking out my problem made it all easier. She also gave some advises after which I felt things are not that bad. You know, suffering is subjective and life is much bigger than PhD. You made a good decision to go to a doctor. It will relieve your burden a bit. Also, do you have any good close friend(s) with whom you can share your problem? You need to take care of yourself and make sure you are not alone. For me, fast forward 3 years, I'm still doing PhD and things look OK so far. Of course, it's going slower than 3 years but it's all right. Don't stress about time constraints. You never know, some other opportunities may come up ton continue your studies. Good luck!

Hey Fred. I hope you've made your Doc appointment by now. Just wanted to reassure you really that having anything like that on your medical record shouldn't harm your career prospects in any way at all. I have bipolar disorder (used to be known as manic depression) and had to drop out of uni several times and restart the year when things were really really bad a few years back. My doctor and hospital notes are full of mental health issues including a number of hospital admissions (my diagnosis even appears on my CRB check) and this has not held me back even though people have been aware of my problems. I got myself back to uni, got a first for my degree, a distinction for my MSc, and won a scholarship to fund my PhD. Although my supervisors are aware of the issues I have had, I genuinely feel as though I have been treated according to my academic abilities and have not been discriminated against because of my health. In fact it is actually beneficial for me that they know, it makes it easier to explain when I am not feeling too good, so that we can plan around it in the best way we can. My part time job (which I was doing when I was an undergrad- not any more) also welcomed me back with open arms. I would definitely recommend you go see your doctor and also a uni counsellor if there's one where you are. If you need time off then take it- there are no prizes for running yourself into the ground. Best wishes, hope you are feeling better soon. KB

Thanks to everyone for the advice and best wishes.

Hey, I would just like to add that I'm another person who was seriously considering quitting after personal circumstances put me in a position where I couldn't see myself getting through my PhD on top of everything else. By talking to my supervisor and letting him know I was having difficulties, he was able to understand and give me time to sort myself out. I got uni counselling which helped and I'm looking at spending an additional year as I pretty much lost a year and a half and I'm far behind. I'm still struggling and feel like a fraud, but obviously others have faith in me since they have encouraged me to stay and I'm going to do my best to see it through.

I was allowed to do my upgrades later than I should have, but at the time I was worried sick I would get kicked out because I knew I wasn't able to finish everything on time. My first year viva was a disaster, but my supervisor explained the circumstances to the examiners and I was allowed to redo it in 6 months time and the 2nd time round they were impressed.

What I'm trying to say is what others have already mentioned, take the time you need to get some help and get yourself back on track. Your health is most important and the deadlines are a lot more flexible than they may appear so try not to panic too much. It will all work out just fine!

I'm another with a positive outcome. I had to leave a full-time PhD 13 years ago after developing an incurable progressive neurological disease. I didn't set out to start another PhD, let alone one in a completely opposite discipline, but one thing led to another. I had to study part-time, I constantly thought I wouldn't make it, and 2/3 years ago I was close to dropping out for years on end. But I got very good support from my supervisor and university authorities to make it through, including extra DSA help, and extra flexibility with deadlines etc. And now, nearly at the end of the 6 year part-time PhD period, I've nearly finished, and expect to submit within the next 8 months. Basically use all the support mechanisms available to you, starting from your supervisor(s), and including university counsellors, even a chaplain if it will help (I'm agnostic and it helped me, given the life-threatening situation I was in just a few years ago), and certainly the medical authorities. I agree that taking a break for medical reasons can also be beneficial. I did this 2 years ago. My funding council would only allow a break on medical grounds, which wasn't a problem in my case, and only 12 months total throughout the PhD. So I just took 5 months in the end, saving the rest in case I needed it later. That 5 months gave me a chance to recharge my batteries and come back and - just about there! - finish.

Good luck.