hiii
I'm new to the forum, and kind of new to my phd (6 months on)...I have been noticing that my supervisor and I are quite different characters (she is very ambitious and career minded, i just want to do my research then see what happens...), with different outlooks relationships (she likes networking, i like meeting people). We get on on some levels, but i have come to realise that she talks and talks about what she thinks i should do, and hardly ever asks. I have not been very assertive. Anyways, today i had an email back from her which was a complete overaction ...no tact whatsoever. Sometimes I feel she treats me like I'm one of her children and that email completely showed it...Aaaargh. This is really bringing me down...2 and half years left! how can i survive? anyone had a bad experience with a supervisor which then got better?!!!

Sounds exactly like my supervisor too (and I'm very similar to you)! I think this is the difference between supervisor and student. If you move on to pursue an academic career, I think you may act like your supervisor at some point...

my advice - comply and get on with it. i've had two supervisors like that and asserting myself in my first resulted in their being prejudiced in assessing my first year report. i eventually did change supervisors, but the way i see it is that, you want your phd and the supersvisor also wants you to graduate. she has a phd and therefore has a clue on how to get you there. you can't both lead, so either you lead or she does. its not nice, but it is a compromise not worth the agony of battling with a supervisor.

Lulu - don't be afraid to change your supervisor - you're not very far in and already she is bringing you down - can you imagine another 2.5 years of shutting up and putting up?! And might this harm your output? Plenty of people change supervisors, and personality and other clashes are common. There'll be something along those lines in your departmental PhD handbook (as well as how to change sups etc.) Having said that, I have a horrible supervisor but I won't change as he is the only specialist in my methodology in the department, and his input is too useful to my research to get rid of him. If that wasn't the case I'd be out of there like a shot! So my overall advice is: If her input is worth the pain, then keep her. Otherwise - ditch her ASAP!!

That is tough. Often we wish we would get along with our supervisors on multiple levels, but this rarely happens.

If she is motivated and good a networking, try to milk this for what it is worth. Just try to treat the PhD like a job, be professional and keep things at that with your supervisor. They are there for you to learn and gain tools from.

It its no fun that you feel she treats you like a child, but something like this, while annoying, can just be laughed at. The most important is whether this super can help you in your research, help you make connections in your field, etc. If these factors are good, then it may be worth putting up with her personality, but just do not get walked over.

I tend to find a lot of academics have fairly limited social skills and you have to allow for that. Many also have a bizarre way of rating success, what constitutes a good outcome, and they way they would judge the importance of friends and family.

I had an "eccentric" supervisor (who is no longer in academia due to internal politics), who would come up with some of the most random, odd and sometimes outright offensive things (including "People who don't go to university are all unwashed scum" "There are far too many Jews in our department"). I felt like Tim from The Office half the time having to listen to my supervisor being David Brent.

I stopped fighting it after a while, and tried to survive by scanning his emails for anything helpful, and ignorning the rest. I learned to blank out anything derogatory against me, or some of his wilder allegations against others.

Thaaaanks..!
Such useful words..cant't really change her, she is the onle 'expert' in the field in the dpt...i like the idea of laughing it off, or 'blocking it'. I think you are right, get on with it, after all, what I want is a Phd, not a bestfriend!

Jeez you sure you've not got my supervisr...she sounds just like mine!!! She is lovely as a person but so intimidating as a colleague. She keeps saying 'I was just like you but I had it knocked out of me!!!'...she scares the pants off me...BUT although I thought she was being harsh when she criticised me it is paying off as my writing has come on no end and I am also learning to handle criticism much better. So I would work on changing how you receive her comments rather than working on her comments per se. Also do remember that YOU are the only expert in YOUR field you can listen to their comments but u;ltimately you have control over what you take on board. xx

Awh...wich she was critisicing my work (well kind off... having said that, I'm handing in my first chunk this week!!!) It is more communication issues,and her not being courteous, understanding, diplomatic, open to discussion...she basically decided to press reply, not reply all to an email that my 2nd supervisor sent- regarding sth to do with me (obviously)...the rest is history!