Hi all,

Sorry to put a downer with this forum (given the recent posts on positivity)!

But does anyone have any tips in overcoming feelings of inadequacy? My official time ends in September and although I think I'm making progress, I can't help but feel inadequate! in comparison with other PhD students academic record! :( I found out today that all of the other PhD students here have first class degrees (which I don't have- I have a crap undergrad degree mark but 2 MSc degrees) and it's making me feel really inadequate and that I don't deserve my place here.

I'm probably just having another bad day, but today I just feel that I really shouldn't be doing this and this might be another case of imposter syndrome kicking in!

I think I'm going to take a break from it all and try to focus on what I've accomplished and to focus on why I DO deserve to be here!

Has anyone else experienced anything similar?!

Sorry to sound so depressive! :$

Hey Pineapple,

I'm only 7 months in, but I feel like this constantly! Despite getting a 2.1 in my undergrad and a distinction at MSc I feel like I am waiting constantly for my supervisor to realise that he's made a huge mistake in offering me a place in his lab and ask me to leave straight away!
In fact sometimes I feel like just telling him he's made a mistake, and to save the time I'll just leave!!!!
No matter how much people say "oh well, I've always felt like this too etc etc" I still feel that it's just me and that I really am not good enough to be here! Some days are worse then others though, and on the very odd moment I do think; "yeah, I can do this" but that usually rapidly changes back to "no I can't"!!!!!
In addition, every criticism from my supervisor or post docs in my lab I take as a personal rejection almost, and it takes me days to get over it and move on. My poor boyfriend must hate me getting feedback at work with all the moaning I do to him!!!!!!!!
I have no words of advice I'm afraid! In fact, I could do with some myself so if anyone does have any...........

Hi Pineapple,

is this not a matter of the grass being greener at the neighbours? I mean if one compares one gets unhappy. What does it matter that others have better grades / can run faster / jump higher etc. etc. Remember that "average" is relative: there will always be people who will be above and there will always be people below, independantly regarding what the standard is. Also with your PhD you are at the highest level of education, have achieved already a lot more than most of the "population"

I think it is best stick to the here and now. You are doing a PhD, you are making progress and if you persevere you will pass it. There will be others who will do better, there will be others who will do worse. Key issue is you. I think best to stick to that motto, use others for help but not to see them as your competitors.:-)

Hi, Pineapple! Thank you for sharing your feelings! I can relate to you fully. I'm at the end of my 3rd year and have always been questioning whether I really do belong to PhD circle. During the first 2 years I couldn't get involved into studies very much due to some unpredicted privated issues and this made me feel even more detached. Last semester was first teaching experience and only this semester started doing my own work. I've been invited to a number of Phd parties with my colleagues and still up today I don't feel fully at ease there. But only lately, I've started to realize that it makes one even more isolated. I try to perceive my PhD colleagues just as usual human beings as myself and try to be more relaxed. I think the important thing is to be aware that this psychological aspect is a part of your way to PhD. As long as you recognize it, it may become easier to deal with it.

I generally don't post on this kind of topic because I don't feel like this. When things go badly or I get criticism I get very stressed and down about it - but I never ahve this inadequcy/imposter thing going on. I think this is largely down to my advancing age. I've seen so many people do so many things, and some fail and other succeed. I have a couple of old class/college mates who are now professors and believe me that really helps to make you feel less awestruck by academics.

I guess there may be someone else in my dept without a first but I don't know of one and it has never bothered me. That's mainly about supply and demand anyway. We all know degrees and PhDs are apples and oranges. You got your place for a reason and you just need to have a little faith. Maybe you came a different route - I certainly did - but that doesn't matter (or may be better).

Got to go - time to do bedtime stories...

I could have written this, especially the part about telling the supervisor he has made a mistake - so the two of you, Pineapple and starshine, are definitely not alone! I think that I have to try to accept that this feeling/sense of inadequacy is part of the process and not likely to go away, and try not to get too distressed about it. It's how I feel, but not how things are, if that makes sense.

Hi Pineapple,

Glad to see we're getting back to the serious business of moaning around here! I feel a bit like this most of the time, I do feel I could/can be as good as other people, and hold my own though. I just get really stressed that I'm not performing at my potential and maybe I'll never crack it and get to my peak, thereby properly holding my own. I'm feeling the pressure of that at the moment, particularly, because I've recently swapped to a top department and all the students seem to have it sorted, and are so outwardly confident. I'm sure they're all grammar/private school the first class degree types - which having more or less dropped out of school at 14 and failed everything; then having taken my GCSEs and Alevels over 3 years at a community college in my 20s - I am not! I'm genning up on grammar, punctuation and writing style because I know that's an area of my education which has been seriously lacking, maybe when I get that licked I'll feel better.

It's so good to have this forum and know that other PhD students have these feelings too - I'd feel prertty isolated without that. So, thank you, Pineapple.

I know I should be doing this PhD and having a wonderful career - so, Pineapple, if I, who failed everything at school should be here, then I'm sure your lack of a first class degree means nothing. Loads of people I knew at uni who got firsts were no brighter than people who got 2:1s, in fact many of them were not as bright as some 2:1ers or 2:2ers, they just knew how to present and were having a better time of things (no offence to all you firsts out there).

Can I throw something else into the mix here? I don't know what gender people are, but I suspect that it's women who feel the imposter syndrome/feelings of inadequacy more than do men - especially young men. My supervisor has told me that young male students tend to go straight through uni, do a PhD, then continue their academic careers. They're confident and bluff their way through, building on the same amount of talent as anyone else.

Women get to a PhD by a much more circuitous route, often not starting a PhD until their 30s or 40s, once they've got their kids on the way or had an established career doing something else. Women may not ooze self-confidence the same as young men, and have more self doubts. And possibly be more self aware! It can be harder for women to push themselves forward.

When I feel inadequate, I think 'what would a man do'? And then make that decision, give that presentation, or force myself to do whatever it is I think I can't do. Have a look at some of the young male PhD students around you - do they seem inadequate? I doubt it!

And apologies for mass generalisations, and I know there's lots of sensitive men who are also filled with self doubts.

Sue, you are so right about that! (I'm also sorry to men for the generalisation!). I was refering to a group of young men who have progressed straight from BA to MA to PhD and they are sooo confident in my previous post. I am woman (you may have cottoned on to that!) and I'm 40 - although I forget that quite often and think I am 28, so, I think your observations have something. My supervisor has told me I am under confident about my work, but I find the levels of seemingly unshakable confidence among some of the young men students pretty alien, and I don't know if I will ever be able to be like that. It's partly because I feel that their confidence comes, partly, from having been sheltered, but I've trodden an often rocky path to get where I am and have not been sheltered. This situation is all made even stranger by the fact that have high level practical experience in the industry we are all studying, and they don't have a clue - part of me feels they don't have the right to be that confident yet - I dunno, maybe I'm being a fuddy duddy about that.

There are a couple of other women in the department, but they are very timid - I think I can come across as confident socially and in seminar discussions though.

Eska, I can sooo relate to the 28/40 comment!!!;-)

And see, you do know more than the young men around you, and have a right to be more confident than they are. Or at least pretend to be confident! The world loves confident young men, we need to shake up the stereotypes about what (slightly older (!)) women can do.

And so, I should go and do it. Am off to edit a chapter.

I think it must be quite a common thing really - perhaps its a girlie thing?:$  I can say that of course! I didn't do a degree at all - when I started in the medical sciences they had their own qualifications, associateship, and then if you wanted to go further there was the fellowship, but as people came in with degrees they had to do a year before they could become an associate, and then had to do their fellowship, which was really tough and had a viva and everything (I remember when doing one of my fellowship exams, a guy got his paper - he was doing the paper related to his specialist area as was I - he read it all through, then got up and walked out!!!). I've added lots of other things to these over the years though, including an MA. Anyway, despite having done all that I still feel, well maybe not inadequate, I'm not quite sure what it is, but when someone says 'that was really good' I get the 'do you really mean it' thing, and feel really pleased that they think it was good, whilst still having doubts about it and what wasn't quite right; and when my supervisor says he likes something its 'wow the boss man thinks its good' tempered by, what will he think of the next bit then. So, are we in fact just too critical of what we are doing? Course we should all be here - some of us have just taken a bit longer to get going (psst - are you sure they all have first class degrees? :$ :-) )

Hey all...first post but have been a 'lurker' for a while...

I have to say my imposter syndrome is almost crippling at the moment! So many contributing factors but they all seem to wittle down to the impasse: 'Who am I to say?'.....
Am just at end of second year and am finding it a drag to overcome this feeling; as a Humantities PhD I guess I look at my subject and almost feel unequal to it....but hey hum! I guess the best we can all do is just forge ahead and bluff ourselves to brilliance? I mean, surely that's what a large proportion of our predecessors have done??? ;-)

Hi Nichola!

Welcome to the self-esteem club! In answer to your question 'who am I?', well, we're postgrads who are still studying, thinking and have something to say. And the cv grows - the more we do, the more qualified we become. But we all need to start somewhere and then take it from there. And yeh, a huge amount of it is confidence and sheer bluff. It's amazing what we can pull off really.

Of course! An individual student's insecurity is all the fault of those dratted males. Well, if its hobby horse stereotype time, can I just say the world also highly rates middle class, attractive, white women - especially when hiring decisions are made by older males going through a mid life crisis.:-s I am sorry, but you cannot explain away an individuals feelings of inadequacy on the basis that they are not male, or didnt attend private school. From viewing people in this group, I would be instead tempted to list these two things as crippling emotional drawbacks rather than strengths.

Coming back to the OP, I think Pineapple was onto something constructive about wanting to explore her feelings of inadequacy and trying to get to the root cause. My view is that academic life is built around a winner takes all model which means the "winners" feel justified and validated, whereas the "losers" are left feeling inadequate regardless of their real abilities and talents. In this case, the winners are those that get tenured jobs, bursaries, grants, awards and especially publications, whereas the so called losers are the ones that do things the hard way (e.g. having to self fund, missing out on grants due to the level of competition rather than having a poor concept). This isn't helped when supervisors and advisors directly compare students against each other, or pit them against each other for awards, bursaries, authorship listings and the like.

Okay, my theory may be rubbish, but at least its attempting to be analytical rather than resorting to classist/ sexist attacks.

======= Date Modified 30 Jul 2009 19:51:10 =======
hi pineapple.

never apolagise for sharing your negative feelings! that's what this whole forum is about. sharing the ups as well as the downs. and i read in a book that writing out what is troubling you, is far more thereapeutic than simply talking about it. its the very act of writing it out that helps declutter your brain.

someone once told me, you shouldnt compare yourself to other phd students. we're all very different and working on different phd subjects. no two people are the same, and no two phds are the same, hence you cant compare yourself to other phders. what you gotta do, is compare yourself to the best version of you. do your best, and then let the cards fall either which way.

what i suggest is to focus on what you need to do, and not worry about how you are doing compared to other people.

i experience feelings of inadequancy on a daily basis !! i am plauged with negative thoughts about how i dont even deserve to have examiners examin my thesis and i dont deserve a viva, cause i know nothing and i'm the worst phd student in history. but the only thing that helps to push these negative things out, is to actively be engaged in something. so when im studying, i cant think two things at the same time. and so studying and learning helps to boost my confidence.

a friend once told me, the only way to feel confident, is by learning and increasing your knowledge.. and with that confidence naturally comes along.

and dont apolagise for sounding depressive. i would rather you write about your negative thoughts, instead of just bottling it up inside!

break up what you need to do in small steps and everyday do one of them, and tick them off!

for me, im currently summarising each page of my thesis. i had a checklist of 187 pages and next to each page number , an empty box for a tick, for a page done. when i started, i thought oh man never gonna get it done. but i've been chipping at it, everyday, some days i do like one page, other days 5-6 pags. my motto is a little bit is better than nothing. and everytime i see ticks on the page, it gives me the boost to keep going. i'm probably just under half done. it gets boring as hell sometimes. but i remind myself to do just one page and i get over the "i dont wanna read my thesis its boring" hurdle. lol

also psychologist found, if you just tell yourself to work on something for a few minutes. you will find yourself completing it or at least doing something constructive. procrastination is not wanting to start at all. but once you start something, your brain becomes anxious to want to finish it off.

so just say to yourself, just spend 2-3 minutes on something and you will find yourself getting into it.