OK bear with me, because this is going to sound really nuts!

For the last couple of years I've been dithering about doing a PhD - I got really good results, I had an interesting topic, etc etc. But I really wanted to join the 'real world' and now I have a lovely job that I enjoy. But the niggle won't go away!

I've been corresponding with a potential supervisor who's really keen, and I'm...sort of keen but it feels like such a huge thing to do if I'm not 100% sure. But I filled out all the necessary application forms anyway - basically did everything except press the 'submit' button!

Which I just did. And now I'm really freaked out! I just don't know if I'm doing this for the right reasons - it was more a feeling of having to do something, just because I'm fed up with wondering 'what if'?

But the thought of the school getting my application and taking time over it when I'm not feeling sure about it is awful! As is the thought of being offered funding, should that happen, and not knowing whether to take it.

Will they think I'm totally mad if I withdraw the application a few hours after making it?! I just don't know if I can face 6 months of worrying about it...

I think you need to consider your motivations Sarah. Why do you really want to do a phd? Will it give you something concrete? And is that something enough to put up with several years of hard work, low pay and all the baggage it entails? If you like your job now what are your reasons for leaving, are the prospects for progression not good? Do you need a phd for where you want to be long term? Or do you just want to be doing more detailed research for it's own sake?

The other question is why you don't want them to get your application. Is it just fear of the unknown or wondering whether you're capable? Or is this a warning bell that you really don't want this?

For me, I had that panic when I applied for a clinical science post a while back. The interview went well and I'd worked hard at it, but on the ride home I wanted to turn off my phone so that they couldn't offer me a job. When I imagined being offered a job in an alternative field, I felt completely different. I realised that I really didn't want to be a clinical scientist, I just felt I ought to go for it because it was a "good opportunity".

Don't do a phd because it's expected of you, because other people will be impressed, or simply because you feel you ought to be pushing yourself in some way. There are plenty of other ways to challenge yourself and you'll get more out of something your truly passionate about. But equally, if you decide you want to give this a shot, remember that few decisions are irreversible, you can always leave and go back to working if you discover it's not for you. I think few people are 100% sure about anything, trust your gut instincts.

Thanks for your advice. I am looking at doing it part time because I don't want to give up my job, and a connection to the real world! In terms of motivations I'm still working on that one! I'm fairly sure I don't have the singlemindedness required to become an academic (my field is the humanities) so its more a case of it just keeps niggling at me to do it! Partly because I just love writing about my subject.

I don't know if that's enough though. I really hope that the department would understand if I changed my mind before starting. That seems like a much safer thing to do that change it after starting! Actually sending them an application feels like a pretty scary thing to have done...

hmmm...I don't know if it's a combination of being in the final few months or discovering that there are little or no jobs out there these days, but I would say if you have a job that you are happy with now and you really aren't sure about doing a PhD, perhaps it's best to hold off for a while. If you really enjoy writing about your subject that won't go away if you don't do a PhD now, and to do one for the sake of it might leave you lacking in motivation at a later date. It might be too easy to say you've tried and it didn't work, if it gets too difficult for you and then you might not have a job to go back to. However if you feel that having the PhD will help you in your career in the future and it's really something you decide you want to go for then definitely do it, but I would say if you have a job that you are happy with now, don't give that up too easily. But good luck! (up)

I think I understand this myself. I could have had half a dozen PhD offers just after leaving Uni, but I wanted to see how 'real' work is done, and in my field, engineering, it is all about what the big organisations are doing and building experience. I also thought about doing a PhD part-time, but this looks very difficult.
Looking back from about 10years away, I don't regret what I've done - I didn't do a PhD because I couldn't find that single niche to pursue for 3 years and beyond. 'general' work offers so many opportunities to move between projects. The trick is to keep the intellectual challenge at a high level. I guess that people end up doing what they 'want' to do, because they follow their heart.
Yes, I can see that a PhD is an intellectual mountain worth climbing, but there are lots of clever people without PhDs, doing brilliant stuff, and lots of dim people with PhDs, who are really in 'dead-ends'. If you work for a bit and gain financial security, you will always be able to leave your job and do that PhD, at a choice of institution. However, that won't answer the question of what you do with it - be an academic? perhaps, but if not, having the letters PhD is unlikely to make much difference to your career.

Hi Sarah,

First off...you are not nuts!

I am in a similar situation. I have been in industry for 10 years and am seriously considering (read: have applied for and awaiting response) doing a PhD as well. Have applied for FT but PT might be better but will see what my options are. I also like my job but would like to do something just for me (and if not now then when!). For me there is less of a risk of no job after (becuase of my experience) but I have a young family to consider.

What's your field and re-employment prospects?...can you be flexible on location when you look for a job after. Do you have dependants? (if not I'd really encourage you to try the PhD before they come along!)

Remember the interview discussion is a 2 way thing ..now that you have taken the time to prepare your application and sent it in why not spend a bit more time exploring whether this is a good move or not. Unless you get an offer there is no decision to make. I wouldn't worry about "the school getting my application and taking time over it when I'm not feeling sure about it"... at the end of the day that's somebody's job.

I would take all the time you can get to consider all the pros and cons and talk it over with everyone who will be affected... I was really suprised how much my friends and family have encouraged me to go for it even though financially and careerwise it doesn't make an awful lot of sense.

Great post.....

First of all I do not think you are crazy. I think you should leave the application there and see what happens.

Good Luck!

Thank you all so much for your replies, its really nice to hear other's opinions! I'm at the stage now where I've been put forward for an internal funding application. I'm still very uncertain this is what I want. I've even made sure they are aware of this, and they still want to put me forward and see what happens!

If I do decide this isn't for me, do you think it would be better to withdraw before finding out the results? The idea of turning down an actual studentship is so completely terrifying!