Hi guys, I always want to work in university as a researcher, maybe a prof in a small university. I m working on my third year of Ms- phD combine and so far has 5 papers published and in submitted (2 first authors and 2 co-author). My bf is also a pHD and he wants to work in a company to get a permanent job so we can settle down soon. He submitted many applications to many companies but no positive reply :(. I thought abt apply for companies for internships but fail all. Probably because I am lack of experimental skills ( I am working in computational chemistry) and also because both of us are international students which requires visa to stay. We suffers long distance relationship since the first time and get sick of it. I want to move to his place after my phD. After a hard time of thinking, I think i only fit to the university, research and that is what I have motivations for, reading, developing ideas and writing. But the future for academic jobs are so unstable, all are contracted job and to get a permanent job is so difficult. Which means I might have to move away from him, and maybe stuck in postdoc cycles over and over again (so scared of it). maybe 2 years I am in France, the next two years I will be in china for examples. I want to have a family with my bf, settle down soon and have kids. You guys phD couples out there, please give me some advice of how you guys can manage it. Our lives are this hard to get settle down together if two are both phDs? I am so scared for our future.

hi jollybrielle, welcome to the Forum.
From what I have read -
1. you would like to live with your bf
2. your career choice is university and research
3. you don't want to be stuck in the post-doc cycle

First of all, congratulations on having 5 papers published --and more in submission stage!!! Well done!!

yes it may be very difficult to land a job, but you certainly have good chances of getting employed -- ever hear the mantra -- publish or perish? :-)

You will have another hurdle-- which is the VISA obstacle. So again it does depend on whether your employer will sponsor you or not.

Ask yourself what is more important to you -- your career, or your life? If it is your career, be prepared for having to live a distance away from your bf etc. If you choose life, and he chooses life, then reach a compromise of what to do. For example, if he gets a job first, then you move and stay with him, and when you get a job, both of you compromise again, and work together on it.

My husband (previously bf) supported me when I was writing up my phd, I did not have a job for over two years. He doesn't have a phd so at that time, he couldn't really understand what I was going through. After some time, I managed to get a job and that is only temporary, and soon my contract will end.

Now I am also re-thinking my life -- is family more important to me now, because staying with my husband means there is NO job opportunity in university/research etc. ZERO opportunity, and getting a job means I must move away.

I have reached the point at which I can now make a decision, and I will still be happy regardless of whether I get a job in future or not. I choose family.

Good luck
love satchi

I can't offer much advice as I am in the same boat! Me and the OH have no idea what will happen in the future when we qualify and possibly end up with different jobs, in different countries.

Basically when we got together we had a discussion and we decided to enjoy our time together while we're studying (we are in the same uni), and worry about the future when it happens! It's naive I suppose, but I just assume that if we are serious enough by the time we qualify and get jobs, we will make it work by either working in the same Uni, or making a go of it long distance.

I know it's scary. I've heard of couples who do long distance and then end up together in the future, but it's very testing on your relationship.

I'm in a slightly different position because I'm doing a PhD and my partner is working, but she is also doing a part time Masters and there's every chance that will lead on to a PhD! It probably also makes a difference that I am in my 40s and have a mortgage, in a place where I like living. I have had a long-distance relationship in the past and I found it too difficult to make it work, and I have also lived in places that made me unhappy, so my decisions would be affected by these things. Given that most academic careers start with several years of contract work and moving around, this is probably not something I will choose to do, as I want to prioritise my happiness, relationship and health. I think the trouble is that none of us can see into the future and see the opportunities that we'll have - it is always scary to think about the future when everything is uncertain. I agree with satchi about thinking about your priorities and which decisions will make you happiest.