Hello everyone,

I thought to tell you my story and see if any can advise as I am clueless.
I am international scholarship phD student and I am in the mid of my 2nd year. As any PhD student, my research progress goes ups and down. I struggle a lot during my 1st year. Since I came no one has treated me right. I always felt they only have accepted me to get some funding and with days this getting more obvious. They keeping ordering stuff with my grant number as I don't have access to my finance. When I ask to order something for my project my supervisor keep commenting that I just want to waste money. No one work in whatever I am doing and he is aware of that. for the 1st year I never have done anything related to my project it's only in my second year as I complain and I have changed supervision. Other staff member and phD students attend conferences without paying (the department pay for them) when I ask for that I have been told you can afford purchasing expensive stuff pay for yourself !!! . this from my primary supervisor. Then i never complain I just have asked the new other supervisor to send me to other labs as my current one not helping me she convince him and the new lab requires to travel and to have new accommodation he refuses to pay for it and they have used my bench fees to buy really expensive stuff and I got CC !!

My lab members bunch of bullies. If I ask a question as where is this thing ( they keep changing places for stuff) they will make a group and they will make it as big deal. They lie and always telling me negative stories when I go to see if what they have told me is ture from my supervisor(always wrong) they got upset by saying why you tell him as he tends to face them.
I wish to leave I am so depressed.
what do you think?
Thanks

It's kind of usual practice to not have your grant code for your exclusive use. For example, I'm sure some lab equipment and general consumables are purchased from other grant codes and you use them.

It's also common for you to submit a proposal, be accepted on that basis, and then work on something completely different. I'm not saying it's right, just that it happens a lot. Actually, what's important is that you have clear goals and are working to achieve them, so it doesn't matter if this is your proposed project or in something else.

Also, you should have money set aside from your funding for conferences. The department doesn't have to pay for you. They don't have to pay for other students either, and whilst it might seem unfair that they do so, perhaps they are funded directly by the department, or perhaps they are getting their money from travel grants they have applied to, or perhaps this was agreed when they started.

Have you considered whether it is your approach to others that could be annoying people? The reason I say this is because it's quite unusual to have your both supervisors and your lab colleagues making life difficult for you. Running to your supervisor about lab issues obviously antagonises people in the lab, for example. I think if you accept that things aren't as the way you want them to be in terms of access to money and so forth, you might find that your PhD goes a bit more smoothly. I expect part of it is due to cultural differences and I understand that that can make it especially difficult to overcome. Are there any other students or staff you could talk to about this and see what they suggest?

Thank you for your reply. My supervisor only strict with money. However, I do have external funding my sponsor pay for attending conferences and this clear to him. If I ignore my supervisor as one incident and apply for it I will get it. I got worried as I thought what if they finish my funding then they have told me to pay extra money. I am paying international fees plus bench fees so there is no way my sponsor will pay one more month. That's why I am freaking out
About my lab member. Its not only me. One new RA they kept annoyed her and tell her boss stuff not true about her. They dig into her stuff and makes fun of her notes or her picture or even how she looks like.

I never thought about my way of approaching people, but you might be right in general I am a shy person so I am not chatty and only speak with them about work. I am trying to stop listening to them but sometimes they talk about me to my supervisor as they do with me. I don't always go to him to ask and this effect my confidence. My work is going fine. Just I cannot manage how people react as i get anxious whenever they tell me anything. I easily believe them even though I know I shouldn't and my supervisor always tell me If he has something he will tell me himself. I just cannot deal with these people anymore. I don't want to interact with them but i have t. This is the worst lab that I have been to but I don't know how can I separate my emotions and not having any reactions towards whatever they say.

Some supervisors have preferences for certain conferences and won't be encouraging if you suggest to go to a different one, so that could be the issue.

Your conference budget is usually separate to your stipend and lab budget, so running out of money shouldn't be a problem. They won't tell you to pay an extra month fees. Firstly, I've never heard of this and secondly, they are more likely to just not pay you for a month if this were a problem. But since university budgets for fees etc are managed centrally I don't think this is a possibility. Can you find out from your sponsor if there is a separate budget?

Ok, so your lab members don't sound great, but it's probably because they are all friends and you haven't jointed their 'group', since you only speak to them about work. Try asking them how their weekend was, or just making small talk. You will probably find it works wonders. In my experience, when people are perceived to not want to fully integrate into a group, people wonder why. They think it's because the person doesn't like them. Try to make an effort to get along with some of them (pick the nicest person first) and see if it makes a difference.

If you really can't bear to talk to them, then you will have to find a way to ignore them. You could seek advice from your university counselling service to help find a way that would work for you.

Thank you. I think I can try to do that. I will try to look for the counselling service.

Good luck!