Hi There,

I know that it's quite common to be lonely, and have negative thoughts about your PhD, however I find myself after less than a year asking myself if I can really defend what I'm doing. I know what it is I'm looking at, and while I don't really see the practical aspects of this I like to think that I'm doing it as more of a "Why?" than "How?" type question, but recently at my bi-yearly meeting they outright asked me a question that completely threw me off. It shouldn't have, and I should have been able to worm out of it with stating that I'm looking to suggest reasons rather than trying to force a firm conclusion, but that really got me thinking, and I don't know if I really have faith in my PhD. It's really frustrating and stressing me out, as a PhD has always what I've wanted to achieve, but to what extent can you really defend a question that, in my case, was asked by my supervisor who was applying for funding in the first place, and essentially took me on as an employee?

I've heard a lot about how people get depressed at the lack of social interaction during the 3 or however many years, which believe me, I know too well, but most of these people at least have some faith in the stuff they're doing. Is it really normal to feel like this? Am I going for a PhD for the wrong reasons? I'm only a short time in, but surely I shouldn't be feeling like this at this point. I feel like I'm going crazy!

I really hate the idea of me dropping out, as this is what I've always wanted to do. I just fear reaching the end of the 3 year period and still feeling hopeless, and potentially trying to find reasons to continue dragging on and on, leaving me far older than I should be, going for a graduate job, with 5+ years of inexperience compared with anyone my age.

Are these feelings common? I feel like I'm running round in circles!

If you're less than a year through (full-time, let alone part-time) you are still in the early stages, and it's perfectly natural to be unsure, and have difficulty defending your work. To be honest this sort of feeling can last right up until the last few months of the PhD. So I wouldn't be unduly concerned. Also you need to view it as a long apprenticeship. It's more of a marathon than a sprint. And you are still in the very early stages, and still very much in the process of learning.

So, basically, I wouldn't be concerned if I was you. Just take things a step at a time and see where you end up. It is very likely you will hit even worse mid-PhD blues in the second year or thereabouts. But, again, just work slowly through them.

I thought about quitting my second go at a PhD almost every day! The key is to keep going. And have modest ambitions, and remember you are still learning.

Good luck!