This is going to sound crazy but I can't shake this really odd feelings about the viva. I passed with minor corrections. I should therefore be ecstatic, I am not however.

I have been trying to figure out why as everyone else is really happy about it! I feel like I have not actually achieved anything and don't deserve the PhD. I don't feel I did as well in the viva as I could have done, so I am really cross with myself. I fell down on something really simple that I should have known (and do, it was just nerves). Once they started pursuing this line, I just lost my nerve with this area and must have appeared really stupid. That bothers me! I feel I let myself down and also my supervisor (my external was his external, I also know my internal really well too).

Am I going crazy or simply being too hard on myself? I keep trying to tell myself that if it was that bad, they would not have given me minor corrections.

Please feel free to tell me to get a grip.

You have been through a bit of upheaval mentally & emotionally- the viva is a big deal & you have done extremely well, so I do think you are being hard on yourself. It isn't really suprising you are having a bit of a mental slump and feeling down about it - I hear this is fairly common response afterwards -I guess its just a mental release after the tension.
However, I also think it is human nature to fantasize about how it could have gone differently and the things you could have/ should have / would have said ...only if and to imagine it being much better in retrospect.
Where as I'd never put it in "get a grip" terms, I do think you need to relax and say what is done is done and allow yourself to feel good about what you have achieved rather than be worried about what you didn't say or do. You have done so well - give yourself a pat on the back

( UK residents do you remember Trevor & Simon of swing your pants?! - didn't they say give yourself a pat on the back?)

dear fluffymonster. I've never been there, so I won't be able to give you the best answer. But, in my opinion, you are being very hard on yourself. Viva is part of the PhD process. It's not about being perfect, and nobody expects you to be. In fact, that's one of the biggest reasons why you attend a viva. To experience an examination that big about your own work. You've never done it before, therefore nobody can expect you to be calm, or your actions to be strictly professional. Maybe at that point it was good that you've lost your nerve briefly. You did what came naturally to you, showed your feelings, showed them that you are a human being just like them and you care about your work. I'm sure you were much better than you feel right now. And the examiners decided that your work was good enough, that's what matters

oops I wasn't quick enough pea

Thanks 404 and Pea. Your replies are really helpful.

Sorry, I was trigger happy and pressed send before finishing!

I think you are right, the PhD has been such a long haul, it is impossible to sit back and be more objective. I have always been hard on myself and self-doubt is such a big part of the PhD process, there is no reason why this should not extend to the viva! I am sure it will make more sense once the changes have been made and I have had more time to get used to it all.

Maybe it is because I never felt the PhD would end and now it alsmot has, that is a very odd concept for me!

Thanks for not making me feel silly about it.

Hey, you are NOT being stupid! You were very anxious pre-viva and that is not just going to go away overnight. One thing I've learned about the whole PhD expereince is that there are several feelings that you are "expected" to feel, but don't. Like submittiing the thesis. Everyone assumes you'll be euphoric but it's actually quite anticlimatic.

I think the viva is the same. When you've spent a while scrutinising your abilities, questioning your work, it's a hard habit to break. I didn't feel like this immediately afterwards, but I was in a heavy data collection period for my current job and also attended a conference, so literally didn't have time to dissect my viva performance. My advice to you would be to throw yourself into additional activities if you can - maybe look through you thesis and seewhich parts you can submit for publication? (after all it has now been examined and passed!)

Thsnks Kronkondile. I am having a skivy day today shopping and meeting a friend. Tomorrow, I will start making the necessary changes as I have two weeks annnual leave from work and they need to be completed within 30 days. When I am back, work will be busy and I have a conference the week after. As you say, I am sure that will take my mind off things.

I think you have hit the nail on the head, I feel anticlimatic and I did not 'expect' to. Damn expectations!

Sorry for the typos, it is difficult to type with a dog balanced on my lap!

hi Fluffymonster, congratulations and well done!! Strange isn't the feelings which you have! Surprisingly this seems not to be uncommon; After a "major life event" (even if positive) people often feel empty and not really happy (although they should be). It often takes a little time to realise what you have achieved and be happy with it. Regarding your remark that you could have done better is a typical hindsight insight: If you would have known in advance what would be coming and would not have been nervous you would have done better. Yet obviously life is not like that and I think most people would feel the same. Just congratulate yourself, the happy feeling will come

Hi Fluffymonster

I passed with no corrections and whilst I was pleased and relieved, I spent about a week thinking about how I could have answered some of the questions better and feeling annoyed about it! Absolutely bonkers! However, I think people who do PhDs tends to be perfectionist types and nothing but the best is good enough. Also, I was so tired after weeks of cramming that I just didn't have the energy to party hard. The fun part for me was my graduation about 3 months later when I had a party with my friends and family and let my hair down. By then, the viva was a more distant memory and after the floppy hat and impressive gown graduation, I actually began to feel like I'd got my PhD.

Thanks Rick and Ann. I think I will graduate in June so hopefully I will have the big party then.