Hi there -

I am at the nascent stages of pursuing a PhD. Am currently 32, will be 33 when I begin, and am being fairly realistic when I say that I will probably be a mother before I complete my research (ie 3-4 years from now). Does anybody else have advice on this? Is it realistic to think that I can begin a family while completing the PhD?
Thank you in advance.

I think that there are several posters on the forum that have had children whilst doing the PhD, and offer the point of view that while its got challenges, there are advantages such as a flexible schedule, etc, that allows you more time with your young child than working at a "regular" job might.

I had my daughter at the end of my second year. I then took a year out planning to go back, but i then took another year out (but worked 2 days/week so that I could go back 3 days/week this year)! Are you funded? Can you afford to take some time out - I would say at least 6 months? Can you afford any childcare (I have 3 days/week) - or do you have a partner or family to help? It can be very hard to work at night with a baby as you get very tired. A lot depends on whether you have help and whether your child sleeps well (mine really didn't!). A lot of people take less time out but that is how I wanted to do it.

I'm in my final year now - oh, and I'm quite a bit older than you

Olivia - been thinking about that as I seem to struggle with the work/family balance more than some others. But that is because it depends what you are comparing your situation to. It is definitely more flexible than working full-time - but that wasn't my personal alternative - which would have been working part-time or not at all (wouldn't have considered working full-time). I've tried to make the PhD as much as possible like a part-time job.

I have family members and friends who are single mums, with one or more children, and some with special needs--a few are in full time professional work in very demanding jobs, and just get by as best they can, but I think its fair to say they worry about time away from their small children. Others are in a financial position where working is a must, staying home not an option ( no child benefits to speak of in the US and let's not even get into the health insurance problems!) and again, do their best to balance out their life's requirements and time with the children.

Not having kids of my own ( but enjoying kids a lot--the reason I don't have kids has nothing to do with not wanting to...) its of course not really for me to say other than as an outsider, but I think that at the end of the day, kids just want to know they are loved and wanted. Kids are resilient--I think that you do not lasting or even any harm, if your child is with a child minder if you have to work--and the struggles that women go through and the guilt they feel is unfortunate--because they are bringing up lovely, well-cared for, well-loved children who are thriving BECAUSE of their mums and not inspite of...have you ever seen children not wanted, not loved, neglected or abused? even if their mum is home full time, that does not change the harm done when the child is neglected.

I know plenty of mums who work full-time, some by choice, most by necessity. You do what you have to do. But I didn't have to and I wouldn't do that unless I really had to - so for me - that is not an appropriate comparison. After all, if you financially need to work full-time, then you are unlikely to manage a PhD, even funded.

Also - it's not all about what's best for baby. My daughter might be perfectly happy if I worked full-time - but I wouldn't be happy!

Thanks so much for your responses! It is all just theoretical worrying, at this point. And worrying might be all it is -- I am looking for some anecdotal evidence that it would all be ok, that I (and my partner) could manage and that I could finish while not being a too-neglectful mother. Money wouldn't be abundant and is usually in fluctuation (he being a freelancer and me a student), but we do have a couple of secondary, fixed forms of income. Am I worrying needlessly?

I'd say as long as your partner does his bit, then there is less need to worry.

It always interests me when the onus seems to be *always* on the mother to give up her job or go part time but never the Father..

As long as your partner does 50% of the child care or helps out around the house, changes nappies , does night time feeds etc then I think you'll be in a much better position than where the mother does 100% and the Father just works, comes home and doesn't help out...

Looking after a child *is* work.. and it's a 24/7 job so needs a team to make sure the child is happy and cared for in my opinion - however I don't think that job necessarily requires the mother.... so it's a shame some women feel guilty for working if they would rather - at the end of the day it's about what *you* feel is best for *your* family

PC Geek - in most families I know, it's just a matter of practical economics that tends to make one parent (not always the mother) go part-time while the other stays full-time. Overall finances and long-term financial security tend to make this the best fit solution.

Most mothers I know personally, want to work part-time. They don't want to stay at home with baby but they don't want to be full-time either. It's not guilt - they actually want to be with their child. I do know a cuople of fathers who have gone part-time while the mother went back full-time. But in one case, the mother was very resentful that she wasn't the one who got to go part-time and spend more time with the baby (and she is a very high-flying professional).

There is never a right time to have a baby. My daughter is 12 now. I was about your age when I had her. It would probably be harder to do a PhD with a tiny baby. It is still difficult now - there are different demands as they get older. Think of your life in the long term - each stage brings its own challenges and joys.

Did anyone see the news earlier this week re: maternity leave harming women's careers? The solution would seem to be: offer equal leave to dads, a lot of whom would probably like to take it.

But I was really suprised at the vindictive responses on news forums to this news: more than 90% of the responses were from men, and along the lines of "Oooh, bet you regret demanding equality now, don't you girls?"

Sorry to hijack your thread with this detour: I was just so suprised at the old-fashioned views still circulating

I see it this way, if you have a baby during your phd, you will end up having time off (quite a bit) and prolonging the agony that is a PhD. I have a few months to go (end of 3 years) and I can't wait to finish, it's driving me mad.

I'm not saying it can't be done because it obviously can. The question is, do you really want to do this to yourself and your partner? Are you strong enough as a couple? Why do you want to even do a PhD? Is it going to make that much difference to you as a working mum?

I'm not trying to put you off but doing a PhD is the hardest thing I have ever done. You have to motivate yourself and get up every morning knowing you will be doing the same thing again and again. I don't regret doing this, I have had sooo many opportunities to do many things I would never have even thought about if I hadn't started this. It has changed me as a person, some good things, a few bad things.

I would have loved to have a baby earlier (or even now) but I know that I will lose my motivation for my PhD and career if I do. This is me though, everyone is different.