I've just had my upgrade presentation, and I've really let myself down. I was nervous, I rushed through it and quite frankly did not do myself justice. My supervisors even said that they knew that I knew more than what I said. At least my upgrade is not just about the presentation, its about a report as well.

I'm feeling really bad and just feel like dropping out and quitting. Really don't think I'm good enough for it.

Questions were about suggestions on improvments for my methodology rather than the content, but it's not making it any easier. My fellow PhD stuedents who also had an upgrade, thought it went very well, but seeing their expressions on my supervisors faces and the positive enthuasism for the other projects, I really have mucked it up.

Sorry for the rant :(

that sucks, sorry to hear that. Although, I think you may be being too harsh on yourself. one slip-up on one afternoon does not mean you aren't 'good enough'. I'm pretty sure you know that deep down.

Supervisors have a nasty habit of only asking questions on areas of improvement, rather than focusing on the positives of the content. usually, if they don't comment on something you are happy with, it means they are happy with it too...although they will never say that!!

Anyway, it's in the past now. If you mucked-up, you mucked up. learn what you can from it and move on. try not to dwell on it for too long: it's OK to let it go and forget about it!! Hope you feel better. Oh, and DON'T QUIT!!!

But have you found out yet whether you have got the OK for the upgrade? I thought they normally tell you straight away... they did with mine anyway but maybe it differs.

If you have been granted the upgrade then I wouldn't worry so much!!! It is only a step along the way and there are bound to be some constructive criticisms and even small changes suggested at this point. My sup told me to think of it as an opportunity to discuss the future of the research with an external person rather than some kind of 'final judgement'.

Just relax now that it's done and don't beat yourself up

Hi Pineapple

Sorry to hear things didn't go so well. Did you pass? They told me at the end of my meeting that I had. That said, your upgrade did sound a bit different from mine. I submitted 50,000 words but 6 weeks before the session... and I think they mostly went by that. Have you handed in your proposal already? Hey, though I enjoyed my upgrade and found it useful - it was by no means perfect... so try not to berate yourself and think, instead, of what you might take away from it. One of the key things my Examiners said to me was to try writing one thesis instead of two... *grin* Happily, I knew where they were coming from as I'd been feeling the same way myself - but I had to do it the 'wrong' way first to be sure, if you get my drift.

Where they were truly helpful was in quizzing me to find out what my real motivations were to help me decide which (of my two) question was the best one to move forward with. When you said you were doing a presentation, I must admit, I thought - lucky you - I had to take pot luck with questions - but, actually, maybe that's better... more open. I was in there for 90 mins - talking and defending. Anyway, enough about me. Hope you passed. Hope you're feeling better now. Hope that you can find a positive way forward.

Did you get the upgrade, if so congrats!!!! And just think of this as part of learning--if you know you get nervous presenting, then look for every opportunity that you can do get more and more actual experience doing presentation. Figure out how to manage your nerves--because I think if people are honest, everyone has nerves presenting when something big is riding on it !!!!

Breathing deeply is supposed to help calm you, so that you are speaking and breathing from more than your diaphragm...breathing shallowly ( as we do when nervous) makes your voice sound more thin and nervous...a deep confident voice SOUND confident even if you don't FEEL it. Smiling helps to relax nerves as well. I know that when I get nervous before presenting, that my voice will even shake the first minute or two---I HATE THAT---but it goes away quickly, and I get into the rhythm of what I am doing--and generally am feeling good at the end.

And if you smile, make eye contact with your presenters, use VERY confident body language, people will not guess the extent of your nerves. In a way you trick your own body!

I did a presentation where I was soooooo nervous....and had to make small talk with the faculty prior to it as they came into the room...I just smiled and chatted away about the weather or the lightbulbs or something inconsequential...and afterwards, I was like WHEWWWW glad that is done, and people were surprised that I had been nervous!!!!!!!

Smiling, deep breathing, eye contact....it will not make nerves go away, but it does give you a way to manage them while you still make an effective presentation. Don't under estimate eye contact---it is SO important when you speak.

The other PhD students said I presented really well, clear and that it was a very good project-whether that's true or not I'm not sure.

I have 6 weeks to write up my upgrade report. I've written over 50k for my literature review, 5k for my methodology section and pilot results. This is why I feel like I've let myself down. My supervisor said it was a shame as she and the rest of the academics knew that I knew more than what I presented which was a shame.

The panal were not critical about my work at all, but suggested on including additional methodology approaches to the existing ones.

I just presented it badly, rushed through it and my nerves got the best of me. I know theres no excuse for it, but loosing my partner has really had a bad affect on me and I see this course as the final nail in the coffin.

Anyway, there's nothing I can do now, it's out of my hands!

I should find out whether I've passed after I've submitted my report