Hey all,

I've been on here for quite a while but, not posted anything up until now. Well, im in the final 10 month's of my PhD and things are getting quite hectic in the lab. I got dumped by my boyfriend of 14 month's yesterday and i just don't know what to do. Has anyone else broken up with a partner whilst doing their PhD and how did you deal with it? any advice to stop me from crying and help with concentrating would be greatly appreciated.

Pinkfluff. :-(

I'm sorry to hear this, I haven't been through this and haven't even started a PhD yet but I would avoid totally throwing yourself into your work to take your mind off it as eventually that will be counter-productive and you could end up feeling completely stressed and overwhelmed. You should probably take some time out if possible to have some time to yourself and do what you want to do - go shopping, see friends or whatever, and let yourself feel upset as well. You will only be able to stop getting upset if you let yourself be upset at the beginning, its natural particularly if the break-up came as a shock to you. Take care, Natassia x

Hit the nail Natassia. Take a break for a week and get the head at least someway together. You won't be 100% when you come back but being brutal you are probably no good to anyone in this state anyways. Take a few days off - go to see good friends and talk to them (ya need a listening ear now for a while). You have taken an emotional hit so ya need time to recover. A few days now will do the trick to at least get ya over the initial shock.

At least ya didn't get dumped by text ha ha ;-)

Thankyou. I didn't get dumped by text but got dumped over the phone. I could have dealt with it if it would have been this time next year. But, at the moment i'm trying to get things written up, do lab experiments and im spending most of the time in the toilets crying. Feel like an emotional wreck.

It could have been worse. He could have been dishonest with you and not told you how he felt. It might have been bad for both of you if you were living with a relationship that was just a lie. I know that it feels like it couldn't have happened at a worse time, but put it this way, you now have the last 10 months of your phd with loads of freedom and only yourself to have to think about. It gives you plenty of time to think about the things that YOU really want from life. Like everyone else here has said, take a week or two away, maybe go and see old friends or spend time with your family, and you will feel so much better when you get back to your work. Maybe it was for the best; he just spotted it first. Take care and let us know how you get on.

Hi Pink_fluff. I broke with my now (ex) back in April, 2.5 years down the line in my PhD and yes, it hit me for six (I was dumped too). It might seem difficult to accept right now, but time is a healer and despite a few up and down days, the trend is upwards. My advice, work and play hard. That is, take a break if you need to, otherwise get your head down during the days and then evenings and weekends (when you're most vulnerable) get out and about and see friends. My friends were brilliant after my breakup, dragging me here there and everywhere to get me away from my thoughts. I'm started to feel normal again after about a month, and now I'm fine and, to be quite honest, I do not have the time to start a new relationship anyway. I'll work on that post-submission!

You'll get through it, just keep busy and your heart will heal quicker.

Sorry to hear that and nothing is easy in PhD land. Although I don;t have similar experience do have lot of family problems that just hinder my progress. So, as others have said, maybe a short break might make you determined to get through this ..its not far off..you have spend more time behind you and less to get through..even its the hardest.

For concentrating..just do small tasks and make few lists..appendices, reference lists, or searches are great o keep your mind at work but not too deep also. Maybe take up a new hobby..if you like sports..maybe jogging or boxing helps as I have heard to vent anger..a friend of mine swears by belly dancing to make her calm..Anyway, you might be tight for time but taking up something for once a week might cheer you up.
:-)

I had a boyfriend when I started but we grew apart in about the first 14 months. I was just too busy in the lab. I threw myself into work and that helped. Sometimes better to be busy than sad