Hello,
I was wondering if any of you wise people could give any advice about what to do when a relationship goes long distance and how to balance that with a phd and stay positive? My boyfriend is starting a new job abroad soon and I'm in the second year of my phd so I'm not going to be moving anywhere for a while yet.
Thanks for reading (I assume if you read the thank you that then you read the rest of it :p)

I live apart from my partner of 9 years because of my PHd so I can definitely offer some support.

All I can say is lots of communication. Establishing phone call, skype routines is good for the soul. It just means you dont have to worry about the next time you will talk to them when you might feel you need a good chat/cry/moan etc. It gives you something to look forward to when the days are just dragging.

Also dont neglect your own social life away from the phd. Get a (new) hobby and go out with friends. Don't feel guilty about enjoying yourself!

And plan your sex trips!! Very important!

My fiancee and I of 5.5years have gone into a long distance relationship (me starting my PhD, not him moving away). I had the same questions (posted somewhere on this forum) which I got answered, and it is true. It gives me something to look forward too, every evening or so, for our Skype 'dates'. We generally are connected around 1 hour every evening. But this may be a Skype call where we are just connected but doing our own thing. I still miss getting a hug or so when I am down (made worse by the fact the ppl in my new country are not as 'affectionate' as ppl back home, where we give hugs to all our friends. But what is imp is to get a life outside of PhD/bf...you get more time to go out with friends and do your own thing. And do plan your next meeting at least before the next time. At the moment I have a rough guideline of when our trips for meeting until the end of August are...so I have something to look forward too, which really helps.

I can safely say its the main thing that will keep you going!

God...long distance relationships are the hardest thing. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years now, with about a year before that which wasn't long distance. There are so many things that you need to do and remember, as it's so easy to let it slide and things to go wrong. Absolutely set aside time each evening for skype calls or whatever you use, and make sure that you don't let too long go by without talking about stuff. Also, decide how you feel about the more intimate stuff distance wise, whether you're ok holding off until you see each other or trying verbal stuff meantime (trying to be as diplomatic as possible here!) :-)
Definitely do something else to take up your free time, sitting around moping about missing the other person won't do wither of you any favours, but be careful that distance between you doesn't creep in. And don't take each other for granted, and be honest about how you're feeling. Plan trips as much as possible, we did it by saying we'd see each other once a month so knew roughly how long it would be between visits. Oh and send little letters or pictures in the post, like surprises, it's great to get things like that and helps keep things going.
And it will be hard, there will be times you'll wonder if it's even possible to feel so sad, or miss someone so much, but it will be worth it in the end, and the time you do have together will be wonderful. It's amazing how quickly you can get over fights when you only have 2 days together!

Thank you for the replies... it's good to see that other people have managed this before. I reckon we'll probably still manage to see eachother about once a month (lol @ "sex trips" :p) , so I guess it could be worse. Engaging the positive thoughts. :)