Hey

Am feeling a bit lost and seriously considering giving up my PhD. I hate to quit anything, but really am not sure I'm capable of producing the standard of work required at this level. I think this may be partly because I came straight from my degree and I feel like I don't have enough experience - my actual degree was only generally related to the area I am now covering, so I seem to lack a lot of the basic skills everyone else has. One guy in my lab even commented that I always seem a bit lost and not really looking like I know what I'm doing (I think he meant this kindly, but obviously it's still very worrying). To be honest, most of the time I really don't feel like I know what I'm doing either

However, I've also been having some problems health-wise - I have a long-term condition - and with one of my supervisors, who was initially friendly, but who has now suddenly started acting really strangely around me - to the point where it's uncomfortable for me to be around him. On top of this my other supervisor is concerned that, as I'm coming to the end of my first year, I won't be ready for my annual assessment. Although this has been partly sorted - I've been told due to my circumstances I could get an extension should the need arise - I'm just so tired and worried all the time that I can't seem to focus at all any more and think I've lost both my motivation and perspective on all of this :-(

Because of my disability I'm also concerned that my main supervisor is scared to say she doesn't think me capable - and wonder if that's the only reason they don't ask me to leave. I'd really hate for this to be the case, not just because they might not think me capable either, but because my condition might be stopping them from telling me so. I don't want to waste anyone's time or money, nor do I want to let anyone down

Am sorry to ramble like this ... but would appreciate any insights/advice anyone has to offer - whether to quit or not and/or how might be the best way to deal with my supervisor(s). Being in the situation, I just don't think I can see things objectively anymore and am not sure what to do for the best, whether to stay or just cut my losses now... all seems too much at the moment and I can't decide :-(

======= Date Modified 20 Sep 2008 04:14:30 =======
i say quit ! if the phd is making you feel that unhappy and miserable, it's not worth it. life is way too short to be stuck doing something that is making you feel that worried. there's so much to life. find something you do enjoy and go for that. its best to quit in the first year. i wish i had!!! then i wouldnt be up at this ungodly hour trying to finish chapters in a ridiculous short space of time.

but on the other hand, dont pay attention to the guy that said you look abit lost, all first year phd students are lost in their first year! you learn as you go along, thats all part of it.

ultimately the decision will be yours. just its not the end of the world if you decide to not pursue doing a phd anymore. it only gets harder

whatever you decide, i wish you the best! the world is your oyster, loads of things you can do! draw up a pro and cons list of staying and quitting. and perhaps discuss with your supervisor your concerns..

Similar situation here.

Think about your life rather than just this PhD. Do you really like the subject and want to pursuit it for the rest of your life? I made a mistake a year ago thinking PhD is something nice to have, rather than something I really wanted. Looking back, I find this past year fulfilling in terms of results, but void in sense of accomplishment. I don't regret doing this PhD but regret not thinking thoroughly before I entered it.

I just realised that my interest lies in other fields and am making plans to switch over. It'll take a while but I know it will make me happier in the long run. My advice is: think about what makes you happy and what you want to do with your life. We only go through 20's once in our life time.

Hey

Just wanted to say thanks Lara and Alex... your replies really did help me put things into perspective... I'm usually more generally optimistic than I was when writing my original post, but I guess it just all got a bit much and I could only see the negatives (perhaps it didn't help that I was writing it while tired and in the early hours of the morning when I would have maybe been better off sleeping? :p)
Anyway, after some sleep and a lot of thought I know I've got to stick with this at least a bit longer... in some ways I think I've actually been focusing too far ahead, to the extent that I've lost any 'joy' in the day-to-day, seeing only the obstacles ahead... so am just going to try and see if I can get some of that 'joy' back. I'm also going to go see my Disability Support person to get some advice on time management etc (to be honest, I've avoided her all year as I feel more 'normal' that way.. if that makes any sense?) and am going to try to stop comparing my progress with everyone elses all the time. Never know, maybe I'll even pluck up the courage to talk to my supervisor(s) too!?
You've also helped me remember some of my reasons for wanting to do this PhD... perhaps not the best of reasons for some, but one of mine was simply just to see if I could... to see if I was cut out for research and/or research was something I could see myself enjoying... there were times I never thought I'd be able to get my degree either, but am glad I didn't quit that... and I've also remembered that it was never really about 'getting' a PhD as such when I made the decision to start applying to study for one anyway... it was about trying to see how far I could go personally (mentally and in some senses physically) i.e. to discover more of my own preferences/limitations etc.
So thanks, I think you're right - it won't be the end of the world if I don't get that final bit of paper or the label 'Dr'... I will still be me and I reckon all my family want is for me to be happy in what I do... it's kind of just one option that I'm trying out to see if it suits me; and if it doesn't then I guess I can cross it off the list and look elsewhere... can at least say I gave it my best shot ;-)

All best to you :-)

CSu! fantastic!! good for you!! that's the spirit, give it your best shot, that's all we can do !! and please like you said, dont compare yourself to others!! we're all different and produce different types of work. we're all individual. you just compare yourself with YOURSELF! hehe. push yourself to your OWN limit, and not to others. do the best you can, and let the cards fall each every way. the end result is not what really counts, its the journey getting there. take it one day at a time. trust me. the effort you spend today no matter how little , does eventually count towards the end.

glad to hear you're feeling more positive. i wish you all the best!!! (up) you are an inspiration to us all :-)

Hey Csu,
I think your attitude is excellent. I think it is one of the best reasons to do a PhD: You want to push yourself to see how far you can go and I wish you the very best. I'll have to admit that it hurts when a PhD goes bust. I dropped out after first year and because of it I will always harbor some regrets, but I know that under the circumstances I made the right decision. I had never quit anything before and so it was a very hard decision to make. I do think first year is not such a bad time to leave, even if a person leaves after three or four years it is not the end of the world, but I can understand the heart-ache it can cause given the time a person has invested in the phd project.

If staying on and giving it your best shot will make you happier in the long-run then go for it all guns blazing!!! You should get a very good indication of where you stand at your first year review. Just try not to take it personally if your report is picked apart. The whole point of the review is to be critical of your research. i.e break it down do that it can be built back up. ( provided of course your supervisor want to you to be successful )


Even if your review doesn't go very well, you should be given a few months to get yourself up to scratch