Hi all

Just wondering about the relationship that you have with your supervisors - is it strictly a work thing, or are they more like a friend?

My relationship with my supervisor is almost too much! She is a lovely woman, don't get me wrong, and I am grateful that she is my supervisor, but she just won't back off! She has had me tutor her youngest child for the past 2 years (how could I say "No" - she's my supervisor?), I've babysat for her, am invited to all of these "family" events of hers, i get invited to dinner, to her children's school performances etc, etc, etc!

At first I was flattered and grateful (my partner's work means that he is away from home a lot, so it was nice to be included), but I have recently realised that this has caused a strain on the professional relationship that we should have. For starters, it is hard to go from her being a "friend" to being my "boss" (so to speak). She knows things about my life that I know I would not have told her/she would not have worked out (and have nothing to do with my PhD) had I not spent so much time with her outside of work. On the friend side, it's nice to have a sounding board, but as my supervisor I think she needs to take a step back... Also a lot of our conversations don't revolve around my work, but about upcoming events she's inviting me to, or past events that I have attended. Worst of all, I feel as though I can't say "no" to any of her invitations/requests - after all she is my supervisor!

I know that this sounds as though I am making something out of nothing, but it is hard to explain...

Does anyone have any advice on how I can (politely) regain the professional relationship that I NEED to have with my supervisor and (to a BIG extent) get out of her personal life/get her out of mine???

As you have correctly pointed out, the distinction between supervisor and friend can become quite blurred and sometimes lead to some discomfort. I have a great working relationship with all my supervisors: drinks out, meals, etc but come work there is a clear demarcation - I am the student, they are my boss (I should point out that one is only a year older than me and the others a maximum of 10).
This is something both parties have to agree on, that work life is separate from home life. I would suggest that you keep talk of home/personal activities to an absolute minimum (if at all); should they raise an issue then politely direct the conversation back to whatever reason they had to see you/you see them.
But be aware, she does sound like a good friend so try to reduce the conversation time at work while making it clear that once work is done, you would welcome her company (should you want it). :$

i know a bit about my supervisors, but mostly stuff they have talked about to the whole class/group at meetings or something, or that have appeared in their biographies at the back of books or on the uni website etc.. Similarly they know a bit about me, but nothing very personal. I assume if you have been working together for 2 years you must be on the final bit? If so, the main thing to consider is - can you get constructive criticism for your work, and can you accept it as such and not as a personal slight. If you can, then although you might  want to create a bit of distance you will probably soon be off and running, and you can put it down to experience and not get in the same situation again. However, if you find that you are not getting the help that you need either because you are not getting the critical appraisal of your work, or are miffed when you are criticised, then you need to do something to put the relationship on a more formal basis. You can cut down on your meetings outside uni - do it gradually, just plead a prior engagement or something and change the topic back to your work - have a few opening questions to hand so you can do this easily and you should be able to achieve what you want without any need to spell out your problems with the current situation.