======= Date Modified 06 00 2010 01:00:18 =======
Hi all
I am in a terrible dilemma. After 3.5 years of full-time study I submitted my PhD and it was rejected by one examiner, so I didn't make it to the VIVA. It turns out that on a second round, that examiner passed my thesis and the other one rejected it! So it stayed rejected. The research is original and I do have good results, some even published, but the original goal of the thesis was not achieved due to using out-dated technology, cheaper then the flash new one. My supervisors were confident that we had made a proof of principal and that I could submit. Six and a half months later I am told it failed. I have been told to go back to Uni for 3-4 months but I won't be able to do that until 4 months from now, and use the new flash tech to get the results we had dreamed of. I know that then i will probably get the PhD and also more publications out of it, but at this point I am really sick of investing in the PhD and half ignoring my children. I Don't want to pursue being a lecturer and I don't have the will of trying to be a top researcher anymore. I don't want to have to defend my viva or ready anymore on the subject. I feel I was let down as I never really had the means of getting the good results in the 3 years I was there. I could apply for a MSc, though I already have a MApplSc. I have no idea what I will be doing after the PhD, f i got it, as my priorities in life and interests have changed. Should I try again or not? Should i get the MSc? I would have to apply and submit again for that too. Would 2 masters be silly to have? PLEASE HELP ME!!

I honestly think only you can make this decision.

Though if it was me, I'd probably want to stick it out for the PhD, if it's just a few months more work, and probably not that much longer for writing up. And you've given up so much time already. Would more really be so dreadful? And this is me coming from the perspective of having completed a *6* year part-time PhD.

Personally I wouldn't want 2 Masters, but that's just me. I already have an MPhil, which is a taught degree where I am, so was desperate not to end up with another instead of my PhD. But I was lucky.

But you need to weigh everything up yourself. Do you have good friends and/or a partner to talk to about this? It's not going to be an easy decision, and you should take your time.

Hi Bilbo! I'm glad to meet you. I have reads lots from you and congratulate you on your perseverance.
I do like to get things finished, and my supervisors say they now have extra funding to pay my fees and the research. They don't think I would need to do many changes to the thesis, I just dread having to DEFEND it again in writing and in person. I still haven't had the guts to read the examiners' reports yet. These things bring me down.
I have put already a lot a stake, and I feel guilty for the many nights I had my son waiting for me in the postgrad office while I worked away in the lab. He was 4 when I started the PhD. I left my family in another continent... I feel guilty that I tried to carry on while I was also caring for my dying mother. I should have found some way of stopping my PhD and trying to enjoy what time we had left together. I was trapped, because if I stopped, I had no scholarship to live on and then I would have to get a job, which would not have allowed me to care for her at all..... she was full-time job. After she passed away, it took me a couple of months to get on track. I couldn't quit or I would have had to pay my scholarship back!! I knew that I was doing well at the start....so I carried on.  The last year I was pregnant and working in the against time, getting poor results. I left on maternity leave 2 months before the birth, and last year wrote up while caring for baby. Since then I have had little motivation.

I know that I can do it, I always have done what I am supposed to do by academic standards. I think I have this silly duty call on trying to be a good student always..but what is in it for me? What will I do with all these degrees? I have almost no work experience.....I have learnt some handy molecular techniques, but by reading postdoc ads, it seems I would be expected to have many more if I continue on this path. And I don't feel inclined to be stuck in a lab while the days go by any longer, so why would I want to learn any more molecular techniques? I wish I had something more practical and connected with the real world to do.

So if I do it will just be for the sake of it. Or I will have little to say on my CV for these last 4 years. I guess I will have to do it in robot mode and get it over with. Thanks for your trust in my ability to make this decision.

;-)

Oh I forgot to reply to you Bilbo, that i do have a husband who is willing to support me for whichever decision I make. But he does not help me much to make the decision because he is not really very close to the academia/research world (he is a farmer) and all he thinks is that having a PhD will make me overqualified for most jobs. He also witnessed my whole PhD and says that my supervisors never knew what we were doing, as we always changing our minds according to the results we got (so we never got the machine that I had mentioned in my proposal, the one I have to use when I go back!!). It just all seems badly managed and a pretty big waste of time. At least the University paid for it and I managed to pay my masters back too, but my time I will never get back.
I studied Vet medicine in the beginning, but I cannot practice in this country without sitting a huge exam to get registered. Since I graduated 10 years ago and haven't practiced my confidence could only grew with more study and hanging out with vets at work. My husband says I could start as a Vet nurse. It is tempting, as I could refresh my vet spirit and learn more, though the pay is not very good. At least it is something practical and there is a popular demand, so you don't have to bid for funding as in science. My husband breeds horses and says I could help out the horse vets he knows. They seem to have too much n their plate during the horse sales. I am pretty tempted by this option. I regret that I did not prepare for the vet exam when I arrived (as my dream was to study ecology). Finishing the PhD would only postpone working towards the vet nurse option.....and overqualify me.

:-(