There has been quite a lot of talk in threads about people coping with actually having children then looking after young children. What I wanted to know is does anybody have teenage children and how does this work with your PhD. The reason I ask is that my partner has two teenage girls. I have just moved 150 miles from my uni to live with him as because of the girls he could not move up to me. Normally I spend three days a week up at uni teaching etc and stay with my dad. The rest of the week I am at home, but this week has been reading week so I have been at home all week, and this will be the same during uni holidays. The problem is that one of his girls is at school but comes home about 3.30 and doesn't need to be in every day, and the other is unemployed so is at home all the time. When they are home they switch the telly on and chat and sometimes their boyfriends are round. My partner works from home and seems to have got used to it but I think he has been a bit too easy going with them. I get on well with them generally and knew what I was taking on to some extent but I am getting so annoyed with Jeremy Kyle blaring out every day and not having any peace and quiet to work. I don't want to ban telly but I don't know how to deal with this. I could work upstairs but we do have an office area and all my books etc are here. We've blocked it off with a curtain but it doesn't make much difference. I'm probably moaning more because I have been here all week but it's going to be the same during the hols as the school-age one will be home more often. Anybody got any tips, suggestions, sympathy.....

Well, I think you are going to have to move upstairs or work eslewhere. This is primarily their home - not a workplace so I don't really think it's reasonable to expect them to be quiet all the time. I don't really see how your partner has been 'too easy going with them'. Being a step mum is such a minefield - I would advise against trying to make too many changes to the rules.

I sympathise as I can't work with my young child in the house even if her father is here - it's hopeless. Either he takes her out or I go to the library. My daughter is very young but I am waaay old and a lot of my friends' kids are teens or older - a lot of remarriages/new partners in amongst them too.

I agree with Smilodan - there's not a lot you can do as its their home...i wonder why you chose now to make the move in with them, given how essential it is at this point in your life to have the intellectual and emotional 'space' required to complete a PhD? Is it a crazy suggestion to move out and move back in when you have less demands on you (ie the thesis) and then the situation wont be experienced in this way?

I have a little one (5 years) and 2 teenagers so have both sides.

To be perfectly honest with you, and you will probably hate me for it, but its not THEIR choice that YOU are doing a Phd. I've had to face this with mine - this is their home, their life too and I have no right to impose on them too much. To be fair mine are great but I work away from them rather than expecting them to be away from me. My books, computer, everything tends to move with me to a caravan we've converted into an office down the garden. I'm back up in the house at the moment, and it drives me nuts - when I have to work work - ie writing or reading as opposed to data inputting I go down there. Its cold, its not good, but its better than noise lol.

The way I look at it is that we make this choice to do this and we can't impose it on others. They have to live for 3 years+ too. I do sympathise massively with you, its difficult and hard work, and kids are so damned noisy (try a little one lol) but its life and as I say, mine are brilliant - they tend to go upstairs themselves - but I can't ask them to live up there so we try to come to a happy medium and if I need excessive quantities of quiet its me that moves (and I can't read/write with noise!!!)

Other than that gaffer tape and hide the remote control.... might work ;-)

Thanks for the replies, it's good to get other perspectives and I take on board what you are all saying especially about it being their home. It is hard work being a new 'stepmum'. I'm used to having my own space and being very independent and now I am in a busy house and away from all my family and friends. The plan was to wait until I finished my Phd and then move in together but because I didn't have a 9-5 job I would spend all my time travelling to see my partner and he would come up to see me as well. In the end it made sense for us to move in together and get a bigger house between us (rented) and for me to travel up to uni when needed. I know it sounds soppy but we did miss each other so much that we could not cope with fortnightly visits and he is very supportive of my PhD work. When I have finished he will move to where I can get a job. We went out together as teenagers (yes I see the irony) and met up again recently so we want to make the most of our relationship now. I think I need to make the most of time at uni and work in the library then when I am back here I can work on things which are not as taxing. There are issues surrounding the teenagers regarding mess, having boyfriends over, etc etc but they are not related to my PhD work - I think I need to separate general family life from my work and have rules which apply to everybody re tidying up etc etc but I will have to be proactive in making the situation work regarding my PhD, which as people have pointed out I have chosen to do. I will have to fit in with the household rather than the other way round. Thanks again for the replies.