Hi All,

Apologies for this being a long one...I’m just starting my second year and having a very low period at the moment. So here’s my story - the first few months of my PhD were tricky. I moved 400 miles from my home, family and friends to do this PhD and found that no one in my lab ‘had time’ for friends. I don’t know anyone else here so I’m lacking in a support network. I live with my partner and although he is amazingly supportive, he isn’t working in academia so can sometimes struggle to understand how much work is involved. Anyway, since starting I found it hard to meet people and things haven’t really improved in that respect, but I got into the work and didn’t really worry about it.

Anyway I’m now over a year into the PhD and for the last couple of months I’ve been feeling down every day to the point where I struggle to maintain a working routine, I avoid going into the lab and when possible I leave early because I’m not being productive. I struggle to sleep and whenever I talk about work I get tearful and upset and most days I feel I’m struggling not to burst into tears. On top of this I feel anxious all the time about everything, not just things related to the PhD. I don’t feel I have anyone to talk to about this because I’m always going on about it to my partner, and I feel like he’s getting tired of hearing it now. He doesn’t understand why I feel so down and neither do I to be honest. I’ve never been a depressed/anxious person before starting this PhD.

I tend to feel that I’m not as intelligent as the other PhD students I’ve come across and recently I constantly worry that I’m not good enough to finish this PhD. However, I know that if I were to quit I would regret it further down the line. I try to keep reminding myself that I was lucky to be offered a place and that I should do my best not to waste the opportunity, but it’s hard because I just don’t feel myself at the moment.

I haven’t spoken to my supervisor about this as he’s not what you’d call a sympathetic person, and if I were to talk about this I would just get upset. Has anyone else been in this situation or something similar? I don’t really know what I expect from this, I was hoping getting it off my chest would help, but if anyone has been through this and managed to keep going I’d love to hear from you and how you got through it. Any help would be much appreciated!
Thanks in advance!
Tulip

Dear Tulip,

You are not alone. I feel the same.

I'm starting my 2nd year and I feel exhausted. My supervisor is a nightmare and this PhD made me so antisocial I can't even make new friends. I feel depressed all the time and I hate going to labs or reading or doing anything that would help me with my work going on. I also have a boyfriend who simply doesn't understand my problems. My family is also far away which I find really difficult (even though I've been leaving away for the past 5 years).
At this point I'm thinking about changing my future career completely and I'm looking at options there. I'm trying to keep myself busy by searching for different jobs, careers fairs, but also by doing online courses. I know I should spend this time on my PhD, but I simply can't. It gives me the biggest headache ever....

I don't know what is the solution to our depressed moods, but I just wanted to contribute to what you wrote and to tell you that you are not worse than other PhD students, they just can hide their emotions better.

Hi Radion,

Thanks for your reply, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a low period too. I feel exactly the same way, I dread going into the lab and can't bring myself to read or do anything useful for my PhD. I thought posting this would get some things off my chest and make me feel better but if anything I just feel worse for posting and bringing it up.

I do think you're right, there's a lot of falseness in academia, I've come across it on a daily basis and it just makes me feel very disillusioned by the whole thing. I just want to finish this PhD (if I can!) and get out of academia now. I'm sure there are solutions to our depressed moods and I really hope you start to feel better soon!

Has anyone got any suggestions? I'd be really grateful to hear from anyone who's managed to feel better after a bout of depression/anxiety. It just feels a bit like what's the point of it all at the moment. :(

how to feel better?

whenever i feel really down, i'd try helping others to do something good. one time, during my phd, i felt completely lost and the feeling didnt budge for so long.

one day, a professor asked me to help an undergraduate student who had been failing calculus for more than 3 times in a row. at first i was really reluctant. i was down myself. how can i possibly help someone else?

the funny thing is, the more i helped this guy, the lighter my heart felt. i don't really understand why. i've been reading a couple of motivational books by anthony robbins etc and he's saying the same thing.

i hope this helps.

regarding ur phd, in which field is it? maybe some of us here can help u a bit with ur research. :)