Hi guys,

I'm 18 months into my PhD and I'm fairly sure I'm ready to go.

I'm part funded by an organisation that I really love and a lot of the time that I have been registered, I've been working with them.
I have had a couple of 'public wobbles' where I have let my supervisor know that I am really struggling with keeping up the PhD work.

Thing is- that was 6 months ago now. At which point my supe asked if I actually wanted to do the PhD or just wanted to work with the organisation. At that point I didn't know how to answer.... now? I definitely do. I want to work with them. And throw the towel in with the PhD.

I really love the work with them but as soon as I have to do some PhD writing, I break down. And it's gotten worse and worse. I have never met a deadline and have totally lost motivation with my own research. I am due to submit an upgrade report in a couple of days and its not existent. I can't sleep, concentrate and yet I'm totally apathetic.

So. I feel awful for having let down the organisation funding me, my supervisor etc. But this just isn't for me.

How do you think this will reflect on my reputation within a small sector? And any suggestions on next steps?

Yes it sounds like a PhD isn't for you. Cut your losses now before you end up wasting more time that could be spend furthering your career in other ways. I'm sure your oganisation will understand. Is is possible to continue on with the research as part of your job there and get it published further down the track?

Hi Barramack,

Thankyou for your response- yes I think thither are many more, less painful, ways in which I can achieve the same goal of working in my sector. A PhD definitely isn't necessary in that.

I am very nervous about discussing this with my supervisor and the organisation- my ideal situation is that the organisation decide to hire me (I'm not employed with them at the moment, I just did some extra work with them alongside my PhD) and perhaps in a few years I may decide to pick it up again (is that possible?!) But considering how much I would have let them down by not producing the PhD work that they've funded me for... I feel very much that it is an unlikely option.

I will let you know the final decision (which is going to have to be after a very painful upgrade interview!) and how this little mess of mine turns out :)

It really isn't the end of the world if you don't complete the PhD. Apparently 50% of those who start don't. Personally I think a PhD is over rated and really only needed if you want to become a researcher or stay in academia.

I love my PhD but in hindsight, I don't think its healthy for your mental health or relationships, unless you are very disciplined. It also can be a financial strain.

Hi Chococake,

Thanks for your thoughts. It's a funny one as a lot of the work I really enjoy... it's just that as soon as i'm by myself, trying to write, everything becomes disastrous and I become a bit of a pathetic mess! I think there are ways I can do what I like without the added pain of the stuff that i deeply hate. I've learnt that I need to be working as part of a team. I don't have ambitions of academia (and now am very sure that it would just be too stressful for me!) And my discipline has ebbed away as the writing becomes such a massive mental monster!

I think I could probably 'do it' if I carried on... but not without a whole lot of pain. And for me... I don't see the purpose of doing that to myself anymore. I want that you-should-be-doing-something-else monster gone too! I want to have the flexibility to move city. I want to start planning my future and not feel like everything is on hold for what increasingly feels like no good reason.

So for these reasons... I very may well be out!

(checking myself... maybe I'm freaking out because I have a deadline that I'm struggling with...BUT this is only going to get worse right?!)

I'm going to explore my options with the organisations I'm working with. Which was recommended to me months ago. And see what happens

Good luck grumple! :)

Discuss your concerns with your supervisors too. If you want to get out, the earlier the better. No point wasting time and energy.