Hi,

I'm in my second year of a PhD in the UK. Up until now I've been getting on great with my supervisor, research and everything going great. With my supervisors consent I accepted to do an internship in Japan for six months.

When I arrived I started to feel isolated and very homesick. I thought it would pass and did what I could to get over it. I then found out my father was ill and, although it isn't terminal or anything, it also isn't nice and he told me he'd really like it if I came home. Already being homesick and not in a good frame of mind, that really pushed me over the edge and I couldn't cope. I spoke to my supervisor to see what she thought and she said give it a few weeks. I did that, and it just got worse. I couldn't sleep or work and just wanted to go home. I struggle a lot with anxiety, although I know lots of people can say that.

The internship was unpaid, I'd done 3 months, it had not been productive, my mindset all wrong for my type of work (theoretical physics). No one relied on me and I decided I'd had enough, it wasn't benefitting my work or my health. I emailed my supervisor saying I felt I had to come home. My supervisor said she'd prefer I didn't but that if I did cancel it, here's how I should handle it. I handled it exactly that way.

She is now very angry that I cancelled it and is trying to organise for me to go back and complete the internship two days after I arrived. She says that if I am well enough to do my phd in the UK I am well enough to do it in Tokyo.

I guess I would just like some advice - I have tried to be fair in portraying the situation, am I being unreasonable? How should I handle the situation with my supervisor?

Hello,

I can relate to your situation and I know how difficult it can be being away from home.

It's definitely not the case that if you're well enough to do your PhD in your home country that you are well enough to do it elsewhere. It is not the same. I really struggled during my year away during my PhD and I was counting down the days til I got home, even though I was in an amazing place. I'm also away from home now during my postdoc and I absolutely hate it as well, but this time it's different because I can come home once a month.

I'm sorry your supervisor doesn't understand, but I do see where she's coming from. I know my supervisor would have been so angry if I came home, because there would have been lots of students ready to take my place. I think you need to try to make her understand, let her in on your feelings and tell her how isolated you feel when you're away. Thank her for the opportunity, but say that you really want to focus on your PhD but you can only do that when you are in the UK. And try not to care too much about what she thinks, do what is best for you.

I think there is not so much you can do besides what TreeofLife said.

I think I can understand that she might be a bit pissed. The internship was your choice and you could expect that six months in a completely different culture with a comparable low level of English can be isolating. Maybe it would be different if your supervisor would have obliged you to go there for experiments. Nothing wrong with not doing something like that, but if you decide to do it, do it. That's what you expect from an adult. If you know you are a person that feels easily homesick or that has never been away from home for a longer period, then 6 months Japan is probably nothing for you or at least nothing to start with. Maybe she's also afraid that it redounds upon her group and that future students might not get this opportunity (not implying that it is like that).

However, sometimes you just don't know it in advance and world's not coming down because of this. Give her some time, she'll get over it. No worries :) Good luck with your PhD!