Vent about passive agressive supervisor

L

I am so frustrated at my supervisor. She has been nice and supportive or so I thought. True, I have a chronic illness and have probably whinged to her a few times but she always seemed OK with it and would give me advice and even e-mail me later to see how I was.

Few days ago, I was marking assignments with another lecturer who is a friend of my supervisor. She sort of went on and on in a round about way how difficult it is to deal with students who use up a lot of supervisor's time, how supervisors are not there to be friends or therapists etc. She was talking in general and looking at me. I just KNOW that this relates to me and that my supervisor has probably been talking s$it behind my back.

If this really was a problem with my supervisor, she should have had a talk with me or at least even look like she is busy and that I am annoying her (I am very good at reading people). But she seemed fine with it. After each meeting she would arrange another one in a week time (so seeing me once a week was her idea and not mine, so I don't see why she should complain).

Not sure if I should bring this up with her, but that could get awkward. Should I just suggest that we meet less frequently?

B

======= Date Modified 23 Jun 2009 12:48:06 =======
No - meet as often as possible. Keep the meetings brief and to the point. Only talk about work and only bring up personal stuff when it is applicable to your work i.e. when your condition prevents you from working. Try to set an agenda for every meeting, follow that and keep to an alloted time.
The alternative is that you don't meet with your supervisor less frequently. In a situation where I hardly ever meet the supervisor and it is frustrating as he doesn't have a clue and going around in circles.
Next meeting, maybe state your appreciation for the help so far, but leave it at that. Supervisors are there for work.

K

hmm this is a tricky one. I have had health problems (bipolar disorder) whilst I have been with my current supervisor (a clinical psychologist), and when I wasn't well she was really supportive and encouraged me to talk to her about it, which was a bit uncomfortable really. I know she was trying to be helpful what with her professional background as a psychologist but it was awkward for me and for her, and afterwards we both kind of agreed that it was difficult/inappropriate to cross the supervisor/student boundary in that way, and that whilst she is there to deal with academic issues, I would seek other help if I got ill again and needed it. So I guess if my health was affecting my work, I would have no hesitation to mention what the problem was, but for therapy I am sticking to my counsellor!!! I wouldn't start seeing your supervisor less frequently- maybe just stick to the academic stuff and think about speaking to someone else about the other stuff? Best wishes, KB

C

I don't quite understand why you think the comments made by this other women relate to you and your supervisor. Maybe she was having a moan about her own students who are taking up her time.

Anyway I don't think you should raise it with your supervisor. If you are happy meeting weekly, and she seems happy meeting weekly then stick with that. It's not like a weekly meeting is taking up all her time.

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