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I am at a crossroads of sorts:

• 6 years since I started my PhD in engineering/physical science at a top UK university
• I have lost significant time (at least a year) and also taken some time off (12 months) during the process due to anxiety and depression.
• Completed all experiments, although I still need to do some of the analysis.
• Presented my work at a handful of conferences but do not have any peer-reviewed journal articles.
• Drafted 3 of 5 thesis chapters (literature, methods, etc.)

Supervisor

My supervisor is superficially a nice guy, however we have never really connected at all. To make matters worse, as I was struggling he continued to be a passive cheer leader. He has always agreed with and supported anything I do with my research, regardless of the level of sophistication or polish. I know it may sound like I'm being too hard on myself, but a bit of constructive criticism would be great sometimes.

Program

As is typical of graduate study in the UK there was very little in the way of classes or formal departmental structures. As I reflect on it now, the program was just a very poor fit for me. Coming out of my bachelors degree I was excited to learn and do more in graduate school, but at the same time wasn't ready to narrow down completely in the way that is good/required in a PhD project. Having to jump right into a research group and PhD project really wasn't what I wanted, especially one with so little structure. Alas, I feel like I've missed out.

Quitting or Finishing

I came close to quitting a couple of years ago, right up to the point of having the 'I quit' conversation with my supervisor. HOWEVER - I was not ready to let go and was convinced to give it another try.

Currently I finally feel like I'm finally ready to let it all go. I know I'm not my PhD and that I will still exist on the other side of it all. I could quit and walk away and be ok, or I could grind out a few more months and finish.

However part of me wonders if the only way to ever exorcise the hurt is to try PhD studies again on my own terms, with a clear mind (plust I love teaching). I'm not sure this feeling will go away whether I quit, get the PhD, or an MSc in the case the examiners don't like it.

If anybody has some thoughts or similar experiences I'm all ears. I'm especially interested in the idea of doing doctoral studies again in the future, maybe 5-10 years from now. Would anybody in their right mind be interested in someone who struggled so mightily the first time out? Is this whole idea just ridiculous? Why would I even want to subject myself to more years of graduate school?

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Sorry - accidentally posted a reply!

Hi there,

Unfortunately I don't have time now to give a longer response, but there are SO MANY other threads here that will offer you advice. From what you have said, I would encourage you to stick it out for another few months. What about taking a few months out to 'clear your mind' and then going back to it? The fact that you are already talking about trying again in several years suggests that you really should try and battle through now, rather than wait. You have invested too much time and energy to give up now. (up)

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Hi Trebref, I'm inclined to agree with Lughna. Given the length of time (four years working-+ two years of respite) and the fact that you are three chapters down-it seems a shame to have to walk away completely from it at this point in time. That being said, on the other hand, what are you hoping to do if you do quit? What if you gave yourself a time limit of 4-6 months say and then plan to hand the thing in after this point. If you are awarded a doctorate (great!!), if it was given a MPhil or MResearch-that still might be a better starting point for later on, when you come back to research (as you have indicated).

I don't think a doctorate is ever what we think it will be from our naive perspective prior to beginning. Second time round you might be far more prepared and have a different topic, but chances are you will still have aspects of the doctorate that are not so great to deal with, such as a tricky supervisor, data that goes to pot, or financial, health or life issues.

Not trying to be discouraging at all-just thinking it through a bit...ultimately it is your decision but possibly setting a time limit on your final two chapters might be a good idea to help you through this and also not too worry too much about your supervisor's style of help just at the moment. Has he read your chapters btw? It is surprising how the mildest, most supportive academic supervisor can be really really critical once they read your more complete version of things.