I have literally just started my PhD (about a month ago) and I moved to a new city with a new university where I don't know anyone, to do so. The first couple of weeks were really rough because I'm not very good at moving (I miss my old friends, family, the comfort of my previous life) so I figured that my misgivings about my PhD choice were probably due to that. However, I am feeling somewhat more settled here, I've met a few people I can go for lunch/a drink with but I still can't shake the feeling that I've made this terrible mistake and I shouldn't really be here. I was very good academically at undergrad which allowed me to get a place at Oxford uni for this PhD, so really it is a great opportunity. I thought I wanted to do research but once reading and trying to learn how to do experiments is the only thing you do all day long, I just started to remember how much I hated what I would term 'office work'- where you sit around for large portions of the day. I'm also not sure I have the patience for a long term project and I am seriously struggling to read anything that people give me because, frankly, I'm just not that interested.
I know that everyone says the first bit of a PhD is really hard and a big adjustment, but when is it supposed to get better? If I'm still not enjoying it at the end of 3 months (ie Christmas) should that be the time to leave? I've read lots of people talking about leaving at the end of the year, but if I do that I can't apply for a teaching course which I think I would definitely prefer to this and at the moment I can barely see myself surviving a term let alone a year!
So please, let me know what you think, is it too soon for me to know I hate it?
Hi Harmony88,
I'm very slowly coming towards the end of my PhD (eventual distant viva permitting). Reflecting on what it was like for me in the first few months of my PhD, I think I was a bit like you are now - the enormity of the task, endless reading and note taking and learning how to do 'social' experiments. Unlike you, I've always worked away from my university, so it has largely been a solitary exercise. I think it's good that you've got to know people you can socialise and share your ups and downs with - that's half the battle.
For me, my PhD got better when I started to learn more about my field and gain confidence. From this point I, in a sort of way, gained ownership of what I was doing as I began to design and conduct my research. In addition, I got into the routine of doing the work every day and taking breaks at the weekend. I can tell you that after the first few months, time flies. I'd say you're still finding your feet at the moment and getting into the routine of things. Once you know exactly what you're doing and how to do it, you may feel different about things. You might not see it as sitting around, like office work, once you're fully engaged, so it might be worth just a few more months with it and see how you feel then.
If you really don't like your PhD at all then, generally, it is easier to leave earlier in the PhD process than later. Although rather sly, you could apply for teaching course whilst you are doing you PhD and then, if you're certain you don't like it, drop out to start the course nearer the time. You could try to get the requisite classroom exposure to apply for teaching in your spare time whilst doing the PhD.
I hope you don't think I'm being rude and you'll likely be aware anyway, but secondary teaching is a very difficult career to get into at the moment (like HE!). Last year, around 50 % of NQTs did not manage to get posts and there are no longer any shortage subjects. Supply work is equally grim, with companies only able to offer the odd days here and there.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
:-)
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