It would be really helpful if people were willing to share their experiences of either suffering from PhD-related stress/public speaking anxiety or perhaps to hear from anyone who has withdrawn a paper before.

Last month I attended an international interdisciplinary conference and gave a paper which my supervisors had been very critical of and had been revised about 5 times before we could agree on a final version.

In my discipline (Geography) it is common practice to give a 'read' paper, so the full script of 2,500 words was written and re-written countless times. It was an incredibly stressful, nightmarish experience.As I'm a second year PhD student, immersed in fieldwork I have barely had a chance to consider the emerging themes and it's really stressful trying to pull the data together into a formal paper (they expect publishable quality writing).

My problem now is that I'm supposed to present at in a huge conference, in a session which my supervisors have organised (next week). My fear of public speaking has come back with vengeance!!

I'm now so traumatised by the last time, that I'm suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, which is unusual for me. I see no option but to withdraw from the conference. I physically feel unable to finish the paper draft and would rather do ANYTHING that stand up in public again. I feel overcome with worry and guilt about damaging my relationship with my supervisors and fear that somehow I won't be ALLOWED to withdraw my paper. It's making me doubt whether I can even finish my PhD because of the Viva. I've never experienced these feelings before.

Any advice greatly received!!

Given it's the summer, it might be a good opportunity to get an appointment with the university counselling service quickly. I think a counsellor might well be able to help you deal with your fear of public speaking in the medium term. Short term is tougher. Personally, I would level with whichever is the most sympathetic of your supervisors. People do drop out of conferences for all sorts of reasons and panels get rearranged, so it's not the end of the world. I think you do need to tell one of them though rather than just emailing the overall organiser out of courtesy. Your supervisor might well understand from his/her own experience. Many academics don't find public speaking easy.

Bewildered - thanks for your reply, really helpful to have your thoughts. I've been to the counselling service, but it's not something they advise students about at my Uni. They suggested a GP might help, but I've just moved house and there is a waiting list. I know it's surfaced as a problem that will need to be addressed at some point. In the short term, I think I'd feel more comfortable telling one supervisor first, then the other - partly because she supervised me for my MA so knows me better, though my relationship with both is very formal and my second supervisor would need to know also. Relieved to think it shouldn't cause too many problems for me to pull out, hopefully next summer I'll be better prepared, more experienced and relaxed about it all.

are you in the uk? Drs will have waiting lists for counselling but appt should be quick to get. There are lots of good medications for anxiety that you can take in the short term, Propranolol being one. Having researchef mental health and having past anxiety issues having psychiatric coynselling and meds the best cure was to face fears through exposure. I think you need to do the conference. These things build up and you run the risk of feeling the same or worse dreas next time rather than it lessening. If u decide to withdraw I suggest when your back from fieldwork to join a community choir or amature dramatics group. Hobbies are hugely beneficial for anxiety and mental wellbeing and these will improve your confidence in formal presrntation, plus its fun and a good way to expand social circles. x

I agree with bewildered that you should discuss this with one of your supervisors first. They may have an alternative approach to this which you haven't thought of, which could ease some of your anxiety. Also, it might cause more problems for you if you withdraw without their knowledge.

Have a check to see if you your uni/faculty do training courses on presentations/public speaking. Lots of people find this challenging, and it's worth getting training and support. Though it may feel incredibly daunting now, it genuinely is one of those things that gets easier with practice.

Do you have any PhD friends/peers in your department you could talk to about this? They may be able to offer helpful advice, and it might make you feel less anxious to realise that other people can find these experiences challenging too.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think wowsers & Hazy Jane make good suggestions. I would add that techniques of 'cognitive rehearsal' or 'positive visualisation' that are done in CBT or hypnotherapy can be very effective.

Hello Wowzers, HazyJane & metabanalysis - thanks for your helpful suggestions. I'm in the UK and have been to a counselling service before just to see what help was on offer but I really didn't like the advisers who seem to think the cause of all problems is down to our parents. I don't think that's the case for me at all! CBT seems effective for a lot of people, though I'm personally not keen on trialling any medication. I only have a problem very specifically to do with presentations, I'm otherwise fine in undergrad practical teaching and have no issues speaking to them or to peers, just my superiors!

I decided in the end to withdraw my paper and doing so is a massive relief. My supervisors are on holiday, but I should get the chance to speak to them soon as I want to be as courteous as possible. I've signed up to a presentation workshop to give me the opportunity to practise in an informal setting and try and build my confidence again. I don't know why it's so low on this occasion. At the moment, I feel too shy about my voice for drama or a choir but I'll look into it...it's the audition part that bothers me, maybe I'll drag a friend with me :)

Thanks all for being so supportive, I think these have been the rockiest few days of my PhD so far, hopefully learning to cope better now will help towards the pressures of final year.

Glad you feel better after withdrawing. That was obviously then the right decision for you at the time. Regarding the drama thing, uni and local groups won't audition and you will find most people are like you and are there for confidence. Good luck with the rest of your PhD :-D

Another alternative to joining a drama group or similar is to look for a specific public speaking amateur group or debating society. These often only meet monthly for a couple of hours and provide you with an opportunity to practice public speaking-giving very specific tips and coaching.

As a teacher, I often coach very young teenagers with public speaking and find that even the shyest will improve both in confidence and ability with some specific coaching and practice in front of friendly and encouraging peers. Good luck with this and don't let this anxious moment prevent you from future presentations-public speaking is a skill and can be learned and improved on by all. When you don't feel as pressured by the combination of public speaking, getting your paper sorted and the worry of watching academics, it will all come right :)

You might not want to hear this, but withdrawing your paper is only going to reinforce your anxiety problem. Wowsers & Hazy Jane and Pjlu make good suggestions and unless you want your problem to continue, you should take some of the advice you asked for.