I've just had an angry phone call to my uni library as once again they are saying my account has expired. I'm in my writing up year and extended my registration and the library updated this and I've been using my card for the past couple of months but everytime I go in or try to renew online there is always a problem. I got annoyed with the person I was talking to and started crying when I put the phone down. I can't stop now. I don't think it was just the library. I feel overwhelmed and totally unsettled. I just have so much to do when all I want to do is get the PhD finished. I'm living in about three different places or travelling for work and just feel like I'm living out of a suitcase. I spend so much time driving back and forwards up the motorway. All my work, uni, friends and family are in the North West but I live with my boyfriend down south but have no life there apart from him. I have various freelance jobs to earn money but I'm still struggling. I'm staying in the house I own with my ex-husband and there are reminders of our life which is upsetting me. Sorry for this rant but I don't know what to do for the best as I've come to the end of my tether.

Hi PamW, No wonder you feel overwhelmed, these are issues that would affect anyone, let alone someone doing a PhD! Do you have a job at that Uni after you finish your PhD? If so, would you consider selling the house and moving closer? I think that perhaps a change would be a good idea anyway. For obvious reasons we cannot discuss your problems in detail here, but I think that counselling could help you to have a realistic view on how things are and what you really want at this stage in your life (including relationships, friendship, PhD).
Good luck! And well done for all you managed to do until now. You have achieved a lot already, and your PhD is almost finished. One last effort!

Hi Pam, well you have done the first thing I would suggest when I feel like things are getting to me - write it down. I find writing, even if it just rambles, gets it out of my head and down somewhere else. Then come back to it later when you've calmed down a bit and actually read through and see what I can change from it.

Is there someone higher at the Library you can go to? Or someone in your department who could contact the library on your behalf and give them a kick up the arse?

Is your boyfriend being good and supportive? Does he come up north at all or are you just ending up doing all the running around "because you have to anyway" (as a very non supportive guy I was dating once said!)?

That's made me think as that is exactly the situation. I gave up a lot for him and I don't feel he realises that or how much stress it is causing me. He is supportive in some ways but he doesn't really understand what the problem is and says I'll have good and bad days and will just have to get through them. I tried to make him realise that it's got to the stage where it's making me ill and I have to do something about it now rather than wait.
But I have done something and have an appointment with the uni counsellor tomorrow. I'va also cancelled my teaching in the morning. I hate to do it but they'll survive and I have to put myself first for a change.

is it an option to see your bf a little less i.e. maybe have a week or so where you don't see him, just to give you a break. Commuting/driving is very tiring, so its not surprising you're feeling teary.

Are you eating enough? I've had a few days recently like this and realise too late that I've not eaten all day - hence the emotional shakeyness :-(

Hi Sneaks,

The problem is I don't see enough of my boyfriend! I think I want to be more settled with him rather than spending time up at uni or travelling around for work.
The eating point is good as I didn't have much yesterday and I wasn't hungry today but made myself eat something just now even if it was a ready meal. I've been feeling physically shakey as well as emotionally. When I'm at home I cook with fresh ingredients but when I'm away it's usually junk food and ready meals or nothing if I'm out working and can't afford the cafe at the National Trust or wherever I am!

hi pam
hope you're ok
is there something you can do about the traveling? that is a lot of travel indeed.
it reads like you need to rest; and just relax
love satchi

hi pam it reads like you did give up a lot for him but what do you really want? what is your heart's deepest longing?
it is also very difficult (and can be almost impossible) to make him realise something he cannot yet realise;
it must be very hard for you.

but I'm glad you're getting help. please be ok
love satchi

Very sensible and you're right - they'll survive. Put yourself first, get your own clarity of mind sorted and let the rest of the world just wait for a while. Hope the counselling helps.

Thanks for all your support everyone. It's helped to get things a bit clearer in my mind. Hopefully I'll feel better after seeing the counsellor. I'm going to tell my boyfriend that I'll need more support from him.

Great, I e-mailed the course director to say I was unable to teach tomorrow as I wasn't well and I said I was seeing a counsellor as I could not cope with things at the moment. I even gave her two other names of people who have said they will be happy to take over my teaching duties. She has made me feel guilty by saying that she has changed her arrangements in case she has to teach the students and she is very upset at being let down at the last minute. I bet she wouldn;t have said that if I had broken my leg and couldn't teach. why can't people recognise mental illness as being as important and debilitating as physical illness?

I hope things are more manageable for you soon. Best of luck - you're so so close now! keep going! :)