I eat a lot of chocolate too...

And I find that keeping a diary helps.

There are often ethical reasons not to offer incentives for taking part...

I don't offer my interviewees anything at all, but they do get the transcript of their interview, which is often about 20,000 words long and all about them, and I think it's a nice thing to have.

Have you been on the IHR website? There's a big list there:

http://www.history.ac.uk/ihr/Resources/Theses/

Also, your own university should have kept a copy of all theses submitted - ask at the library.

Thanks SeaBird and SixKitten - your comments are really helpful. I think it will be a case of sitting down with my husband and doing some sums. I work F****ng hard so theoretically I could finish in a couple of years if I did nothing else - perhaps we can work something out.

I have just been out for a few drinks with a couple of PhDs I know - they are just finishing and neither of them had any advice - but they both said they could see how tired and stressed I was - which was in a way validation that it is no way for me to live. I feel like something has to change and I have just got to work out what that is.

thanks Shani and Corinne.

Shani - thanks for all your input. it does sound like our situations are similar. what will you do? will you pack it in? When I see someone in a similar situation I just want to encourage you to stay and keep at it - try to keep going anyway. Is it worth it in the end?

This thread makes me wonder whether I should try this full time but I don't know where I'd get the money from.

jojo and o'stoll - the whole point of doing a history phd is to get a history job!!! Otherwise I would stay in my advertising career and not put myself through this heartache. But I want to spend my life researching and writing, not making money for The Man.

Juno, Manhattans sound great. I could go one right now.

Hm, from this thread I have taken the following advice - part timers should be banned/it is really hard, damaging to health and relationships etc. and you don't even make a good job of your phd while you are pt but on the other hand if you want it enough you will find a way.

*sigh* I guess I am still on my own then - it is up to me what I do, whether I stay or go.

Juno - I have applied for several jobs on campus - admin assistant on journals, etc. I have not even been offered an interview for any of them. This is something else which just seems unfair. I have a sneaking suspicion that it is because in my 'career' I became quite senior and I reckon the university HR people operate a tickbox system and I am suddenly overqualified for most jobs. In addition to the fact that there are plenty of pet postgrad students who get the jobs and they have to advertise them.

Argh! I hate being so negative about this - I am actually a very funny person who has been very successful elsewhere!

Jojo, I can see that Juno was trying to offer a balanced opinion to o'stoll's, for which I am grateful.

I would never see my PhD as any kind of monetary investment - you just don't when you do history. There is no money in it unless you are Simon Schama or David Starkey. So looking at it in that way just isn't helpful, and neither would be taking out a loan I will have no way of paying back. There are too many unemployed historians out there!

aliby - I gave up my 'career' and got a job as a secretary as I thought it would be less demanding. But actually it is really demeaning and I am thinking of going back to my career because at least I had some money and self-respect while I was doing it.

o'stoll - I can only imagine that you have never been in a lot of debt or had a full-time job for making comments like that. Repayments on a loan of £20,000 would be upwards of £200 for several years - on top of my original student loans, which I still don't earn enough to pay back this would be crippling. And I don't think I would start on £30,000 to begin with - at my institution it is more like £22,000 for a junior lecturer.

I am 30 years old and perhaps I have been working outside of universities for too long. Maybe I just don't fit in. I can't understand it. I really need to hear that I am doign the right thing but I am not really getting that from here. The consensus seems to be that full time is best - and I know it is - but what if full time just isn't possible?

Full time would end up meaning a loan of at least £20,000 to cover my fees and living expenses - I'd never pay that back - even and especially if I do become a lecturer!

But you are right, this is not a very sustainable way of life. I have been arguing with my husband because I am so unhappy - and also because we moved here so I could do my course.

I really want this - I did my MA last year full time and whilst I worked full time - and got a distinction. I know I am good, I just can't understand why the system is so unfair.

juno - I would love to hear the success stories - I have never heard any, since I don't know anyone who's done it.

O.stoll - I should make it clear I think that my full-time job is away from the university and teaching - sabbatical is not an option in the private sector!

I only got 2 hours a week teaching work for 1 term.

But would you have the people who don't get funding barred from PhD studies? Or do you expect them to somehow do full time on no money?

PS I know I am new and I am very sorry that my first post is such a downer. I just feel very alone in this and I would be so grateful if someone had some advice.