This is my first post! I logged in just to tell you that you are not alone..

I feel exactly the same and I don't like the person I became.. I was always fun and light like a cloud, and now I feel so heavy all the time.. I am probably depressed..

I have been rereading Thomas H. Benton articles on the Chronicles of Higher Education lately.. He has this list of life circumstances that means you can go to grad school in the humanities without serious danger to their future.. I am lucky as they apply to me but I still feel messed up in my head.. I can't imagine what it's like for people that don't have the financial or family support they need..

I have two small kids under three and one needs early intervention because there is suspicion he is on the autistic spectrum! It is hard not to beat myself and wonder if the stress during pregnancy and early years somehow caused this.. probably not but still the idea bothers me..

My relationship quality with all my loved ones is not at its best.. I am distant and I don't have energy for social interactions.. I was hospitalised three times in the last couple of years and that is not counting when I had my kids!

What really bothers me is that I have been through some really serious things in my early life but nothing messed me up like this PhD.. Absolutely strange!!!

This is why I am submitting an okay thesis next week and understand that it is a huge risk.. I discussed my options with the my supervisor and department.. I am hoping for major corrections.. If I go on like this I will simply go crazy or my body will literally break down from the stress..

The first thing I will do after I submit is book an appointment with a therapist!