Cont'd. So, I go to see the course leader and tell him I feel out of my depth, I’m struggling, etc. He agrees to cancel the next three seminars, and reschedule them for another week, to give me time to prepare. I’m now feeling like I’ve made a mistake, and should have forced myself to continue with the seminars, even though I knew they were going to be poor. Does anyone think I did the right thing? Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice/tips on teaching poetry to disinterested undergrads?

Cont'd.

Cont'd. N.S. suggests I teach some seminars related to my field – Feminist Fiction. I do. It goes well. The dept suggests I teach some seminars unrelated to my field – Renaissance Poetry. I agree. First set of seminars goes okay, although I struggle to fill the fifty-minute lesson time. With the second set of seminars, trouble starts. First, five seconds into the first of four seminars that day, I realise I’ve labelled my handouts ‘John Keats’ instead of ‘John Donne’. Embarrassment. I try to compose myself and begin. Things do not go well. I feel my confidence ebbing away, and rush through what I’ve prepared. Students seem disinterested in the group work I’ve provided. Lesson ends after 30 mins.I have to teach this same material three more times in the next three hours. There’s no way I can do it. I’ve lost confidence in my material.

About two years ago (first year of PhD), I taught some undergrad seminars. I’m not the most confident person in the world, but it went fairly well. Then, I was offered some tutorial teaching. As I drove to uni on the first day of tutorials, I had a massive panic attack (I suffer from anxiety problems) and ended up unable to go in. Uni was sympathetic, and I decided to withdraw from tutorial teaching. Fast forward to this year. New Supervisor (old one switched unis). N.S. knows I don’t like teaching but doesn’t know about tutorial debacle, etc.