Hi Basictonal,

I'm about 3 months into my first year myself and can say that I have received very little guidance from my supervisors. That said, if I really need advice, I do feel that I can approach them. From the way it looks to me, I've been trusted with my own research at this stage, and they'll just want me to check in every now and then to make sure no disasters are afoot. So no, your situation doesn't sound unusual. Though I'm in arts and humanities and am not sure how things work in other disciplines. Talk to your supervisor if you're worried - what seems huge to you might be something they can think through easily.

As far as your PhD group goes...difficult as it may be, I'd just bite the bullet and ask when they're going to lunch next time. People get so wrapped up in themselves - we all do - that it's easy not to think about how others might perceive situations. I'm sure they'd be happy to have you. No way of knowing whether you'll get on with them until you spend a bit more time with them. PhD study can be so, so isolating and I would strongly suggest that it's healthy to figure in a bit of social interaction with your postgrad peers if you can. And if you decide you'd rather not go for lunch with them in future, no harm done. :-) Take care.

Hi Ev,

You're absolutely right - it's very important to look after yourself. I've posted recently about my experiences with anxiety/depression during my PhD. It had got so bad that I couldn't bear the thought of opening a book, was throwing up all the time and crying. I was getting ver tempted just to pack in the PhD. But I went to my doctor, and she prescribed some tablets. I'm not advocating this as a miracle cure, but for me anyway I think it's worth a go, just to see if I can get my head screwed on straight again. I'm still waiting for them to kick in, but we'll see.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling hopeful about recovery - that's half the battle. Keep going along to the psychotherapist and do anything you can to be kind to yourself. Go easy, a PhD isn't the be all and end all, I find it better just to think of it as a job. My GP did say to me that anxiety/depression are common among PhD students, but she also said that folk like us are studious enough to do whatever it takes to get better, and to keep on that path conscientiously. Hope you are OK today. x

Thanks Star-shaped...on the uni website it lists non-supervised writing up students' fees as £90, which I'm sure I could afford, if I have in fact found the correct figure!

Hi everyone,

Forgive me if this is a silly question, but I was wondering if anyone might know the answer...

I'm very fortunate to have been funded through AHRC for 3 year full-time phd (no way I could even think about doing it otherwise). Does anybody know whether, if you take longer than the 3 years to complete, you would have to pay fees to the university yourself after the studentship ended? Or, because there's a 3 year basic rate for all full time PhDs, are you then no longer required to pay?

Advice would be very much appreciated.

Thanks,

Jenny

Hi JustNic,

Thank you for your words...it sounds like you really can empathise with my situation, especially with the smoking. I'm sorry you had such a hard time, but am so, so glad to hear things have improved for you. I know it takes work, and not just sitting around, waiting for things to get better, so well done. I went to the doctor on Thurs, and, after me having been against medication forever, she finally said "how depressed to you have to be before you think about treating it?" So, I've started on anti-depressants. First day was hard with the side-effects, but it feels better now. They won't kick in until about 10-14 days, so we'll see. But I was surprised at how sympathetic and supportive my fiancee and family were when I told them about the meds. All I want from this is to level myself out to the point where I can gain some perspective, and don't feel this unrealistic, unwarranted dread every morning before I go in. I've also applied to the uni counselling service - that may take longer, but it's a step. I realise that leaving the PhD would most likely mean unemployment, or a lot less money from the stipend, so I just want to be strong enough to get through it. Maybe even start enjoying my work again, who knows?

Sorry for the ramble, and again - well done. It sounds like you have taken such postive steps.

Best of luck! xxx:-)

Thanks guys, I really do appreciate this. Algaequeen - congratulations on coming so far and submitting! That's fantastic news and you should be proud of yourself. You give some very wise advice - I've never tried white water rafting, but a bit of exercise never hurts, does it? Especially in sub-zero temperatures! I hope you can see how much you've achieved and look forward to moving on now. Thank you for your kindness and support.

Grit84, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this, but as you suggest it's heartening to know you can come so far, even with these problems in the background. Just this last hurdle now, remember that. A big hurdle it may be, but you'll do it. I just need to keep reminding myself that this isn't something I cannot do, I should be able to, and that this money is giving me a chance of a better life than I've had before. It's hard, though. As you'll know, these feelings just creep up, unannounced, and it feels so unfair. I hope you're doing OK. Keep in touch if you want to let off steam.

Hi Teek, thanks for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear you've struggled like this too. I'd agree with you that isolation is a big part of it. I've got a part time job that I've kept on a few hours a week in a shop which is good because I have a lot of friends there and it's nice to switch my mind off and chat to customers. I work alone in the postgrad study space all the time, and it just lets my mind run riot. There is an office I could maybe work in, where one of the only other PhDs in my department works, so on Monday I'm going to ask him if he wouldn't mind me working there too, at least that would be someone to say hello to in the mornings. I'm lucky to have good friends, family nearby and a lovely fiance, I just don't want to let them down.

Did you ever feel like your PhD was responsible for your anxiety/depression, or did you feel it just shored them up more obviously? I think I'm naturally anxious/depressive (probably hereditary - my dad's been on medication most of his life) and I don't want to lay all the blame at the feet of this PhD. That's difficult, though, when being in uni is what makes me feel worst.

I'm glad to hear you're doing better, and I'll heed your advice. I'll see the doctor tonight to explain what's happening, and see if it's maybe time to find out if medication might help.

Thank you for your kind replies, everyone...I'm still feeling pretty bad, but that's maybe something to do with having a big break over Christmas and getting used to being back. I'm going to try to take some positive steps and so I'm going to my doctor tonight to discuss what the best options for me might be.

I want to have the desire to do this PhD, and I want to feel OK about it. I promised myself that, if I agreed to do the PhD, I would make an effort to stop worrying and getting down - easier said than done, obviously. I know it's not OK to feel like this, and it's not normal to feel sick and sad like this every day, so I'll see what the doctor has to say.

Thank you again, everyone, I appreciate your support.

Thank you Charls and Keenbean...it makes a big difference to hear some suggestions. You are completely right, Charls, about not building up a fear of going into uni. I don't want to do that, as it's important for me to feel like I've a job to go to, and am participating in society in some way.

Keenbean, you are definitely right about trying to sort this as it is definitely impacting on my productivity. I had 7 sessions of guided self help in the summer - I tried to stop smoking while finishing my M Litt and it had tipped me into a bad patch, worse than I'd ever experienced. I felt at the end of the sessions that I'd made big progress, but I was maybe a bit too cocky, thinking it had gone. In all truth, I've definitely not been well since that time in the summer but just lately it's become worse than ever. I've never had antidepressants, but am starting to wonder if it might be worth asking about.

It's so hard to put a name to this thing. I can't say the work upsets me or stresses me out because in the past I've enjoyed it so much. I reckon it's a combination of isolation, feeling like a failure for still being a student, fears about what I'll do after I finish and worries about whether or not I can write enough or finish on time. I know setting the strict 3 year deadline seems stupid, but I really want to do it, as my fiance is 10 years older than me and we want to try for a baby soon after I finish the PhD, before he's 40. He keeps saying don't worry because we can wait to have a baby until I get a job, but I keep telling him that might be a long, long time, when he might be the sole earner.

I feel like everyone else is so proud of me and pleased for me for getting AHRC funding but the awful part of me wants to turn around and scream "you can bloody well do it, then, if it's so great." I get so envious of people with "normal" jobs without this looming deadline, though I know the grass is almost certainly not greener on the other side right now.

Sorry for the rant, everyone, I appreciate your kind words.

Hi Clupea and Ilaria, thank you for your kind replies. I might try working from home, to see if that works. At the same time, I do deliberately choose not to work from home because I feel so much more relaxed there and don't want to ruin it.

Ilaria, I'm sorry to hear about all your physical symptoms...have you been to the doctor? These things can take a lot of patience to recover from, but I hope you feel that you're on the right track to getting better...

I apologise in advance for this rant, but I just needed to get this out, somewhere there might be people who have had similar experiences.

I'm in my first year of an arts PhD, started in October. I've been suffering with depression near enough from the start. I basically applied to do this PhD unsure of how much I wanted to do it. When the funding came through, I was pleased, but scared too. It's not so much the work I'm scared of, just the mindset I get into when I'm at uni. For no real reason, I get extremely anxious and feel nauseous all day. I always promised myself that when I finished my masters (I've gone straight from that into the PhD) that I'd stop smoking. I tried when I started my PhD, and ended up enormously depressed and anxious. I never smoke at home or at weekends, when I'm with my fiancee or friends, only ever at uni.

I've been beating myself up so much about the smoking. I tried to limit myself to 3 cigarettes a day and that seemed to go OK for a while, but I started to feel down again and it seems that limiting my cigarette intake is making me feel worse. I just desperately want to give up, but it feels awful. I worry a lot too about what I'm going to do when I finish this PhD...if I can't get an academic job, who else on earth will employ me? I'm sorry, I know everyone feels like that.

So many times I've been tempted to just give up, but what stops me is that I don't know what I'd do without the stipend money. It's more than I've ever earned and I finally feel able to contribute to the household. My fiancee has a good full time job, and I was finally starting to feel a bit more equal to him. And I know fine well that there are no jobs out there. Sometimes I think that if something makes you feel this bad, it can't be worth doing. But then I don't want to just give up. If I gave up, got another job and my depression continued then I'd know I had thrown away an enormous chance. There's just no way of knowing.

I just want to feel better about this PhD, I used to really enjoy this kind of work, but every time I sit down to it now I get dizzy and sick and sweaty. I'm just not sure what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Sorry in advance for the rant, everyone, but I do feel like punching a brick wall. I've been at my PhD research for a couple of months now, and am really, really worried about this whole originality business.

I thought I had lots of great ideas, but now, the more I read, the more they seem to pop up in other people's work. I know this is an issue for many of us, and was hoping any kind folk who have been at their PhDs for a while might be able to advise me on a couple of things.
My PhD is in the arts, and I'm looking at theories of intertextuality and authorship alongside the work of a current French director. A couple of writers have already brought up these issues with regard to this director, though not in any huge amount of depth.

Would it be sufficient for me to apply different theories of authorship and intertextuality to the ones used elsewhere and come up with different reasons for doing so/conclusions?

Or, is it unadvisable for me to utilise theoretical approaches whuch haven't been tackled before, but in the end come to some conclusions that other people might have reached using different approaches?

Och, I know I'm being a dafty and the originality will all come in time, but I am just very worried and fed up. If anyone might offer wise words, I'd be so grateful...

Thank you. :-)

Thanks for your wise, kind words, everyone, they've made me feel a lot better. Very much appreciated indeed. :-)

Many thanks, both of you...that link looks very helpful! I really appreciate your advice. Good to know there are sensible, supportive folk around!