(cont)...the sum of the 2-3 of them are enough to distract and preoccupy me occasionally).

I'm terrified of three things - 1) Disappointing my family, whom I am very close to. They were so proud when I got into Cambridge for a PhD, despite my previous academic success I'd feel like a failure dropping out, 2) Entering the job market 2-3 years after undergrad graduation with a qualification (the aforementioned MSc) that effectively says I didn't cut it at PhD level, with the rest of my undergrad knowledge (my PhD was a slight departure from previous studies) withering away in the recesses of my head, 3) Looking back in X years and thinking I should have stuck it out. I think I should stick it out, but I really don't want to. I just don't know if this is genuine or a bit of a lazy streak, as I comparatively coasted through undergrad...

I'm about halfway through (theoretically...1.5 years...the money runs out after 3) an scientific PhD at Cambridge, and I'm just about reaching breaking point. I constantly seem to be under pressure, I never seem to finish work on time and it takes me a frickin' age to process data. I know other PhD students feel similarly but they do seem to be further along and working quicker than I am, and I don't see the pace picking up before I enter 3rd year. One guy who started at the same time on the same project to me has already dropped out and one girl in the year above has swerved her project away from the core overall strategy if you get what I mean. I've been writing a paper now for about 3-4 months and it only seems to get there slowly. Complicating matters is a holiday I booked months ago for just over 2 weeks, which has fallen at the worst possible time.

I had a viva on a first year report last October (that was handed in in April, but that's another story), which I passed barely. Looking back, it was fairly rubbish in fairness but the tone was out of order ("You've managed to convince people you're bright, this work is as a result of laziness or stupidity. I'll let you decide which"). I was passed but was kept on as probationary still, registered as an MSc student. I have to submit a 2nd year report or get a paper accepted/published in a journal (I need this clarified...) to be allowed to stay on with full PhD status.

This has basically resulted in my confidence being totally shot for the best part of a year (it was sky-high before, I graduated top of my class from another very good UK Uni) and motivation lacking. I took a week to decide whether to continue, and I decided to for at least another 6-8 months. I'm only marginally more enthused now. Motivation does go up when things *actually* work, so I'm not sure whether my disillusionment is contextual. My supervisor has reassured me twice she thinks I'm perfectly capable of getting a PhD (although less so the 2nd time I noted...when I was called in so she could, supportively, inquire why the paper wasn't progressing as we'd all hoped), but given I am the only student left standing on this (quite important) project it's in her interests to keep me from abandoning ship I think, and them effectively having to start from square 2, maybe not quite square 1, with a new student and I take it with a pinch of salt.

I just can't help but think that if I don't jump in the next 6 months I'll be in too deep. I spend most of my work related endeavours miserable, stressed or guilty (sometimes all 3) whilst my friends from undergrad work 9-5 (roughly, sometimes with nightshifts) and are now buying houses and cars. In the meantime I'm mostly skint and live with 3 guys who spend most of their time winding me up for 'banter' and seem to be doing OK with their PhDs. On top of this I've had a variety of small health issues (none of which are overly terrible or could qualify as disrupting my work, but the sum of