Thanks to those for the genuinely helpful advice. However, I would ask that words would not be put in my mouth- I did NOT at any time ask for pads on the back for being brave. Belisarius what did you do in your situation if you dont mind me asking?

Hey. That is really awful and I cannot imagine what that would do for your confidence and self esteem. In particular, the fact that they were urging you to quit in January sounds completely insane- the first year is all about finding your feet, and at least in my field which is not lab based, very little in the way of anything concrete is actually done in the first year. So to be saying this after only 2 or 3 months was totally wrong, as usually it is not until after 12 months when the upgrade takes place and the first formal piece of work in the form of a presentation is assessed. Everything else including the mock viva where you were not told in advance is also unacceptable. I would have gone to the head of department and appealed, complained and kicked up a huge fuss. If you haven't already, I think you should do this to stop this happening again. Can you not get someone else now to supervise you so that you can continue with it?? My heart goes out to you...

No, not at all. As I have said, I have decided to try and put the feelings on hold till the PhD comptleted. However, it would be better if we could at least talk about the situation openly (even though nothing will be acted upon), as would be the case in any normal situation outside of academia.

Harsh...but your right and I appreciate your honesty. It does feel quite infantile but due to the circumstances nothing can be said openly...

Thanks for the advice everyone. I do care a hell of a lot about my PhD which is why I chose my supervisor in the first place as he is the leading expert in the field. I just dont understand how this can be happening, I have always been the model student with the highest grades, and now I am in danger of risking everything. I think you are right about trying to just block all of this out until the phD is completed in 2 years time. Any advice about overcoming the practical problems the fact we cant look easch other in the eye/blushing (which I dont see as flirting actually, but rather nervousness around each other) ?? Thanks everyone

thanks for your advice stoll, but I don't think that if I was able to change supervisor that it should be female-I am not a maneater who fancies every male I come into contact with! As I said there is a chemistry between us (if I am not imagining it) which I have not felt before. Like I said, it will never be possible to change supervisor in my dept as he is the only specialist with expertise in my area-So i just cannot see a way out of this. its easy to say stop these feelings now because you have to which I keep telling myself, but I just cant. Has no one else ever had this problem??!!

started last January, so almost a year. What do you mean the tide can turn?

I wish that was possible! but as I said no one else can supervise me here and if I went elsewhere would lose my funding

Thanks for your messages. I too dont think it would be wise to do anything for many reasons, and thinking practically for once, above all it would jeopardise my PhD as there would not be anyone else to supervise me within the department. However at this moment it is impossible to see an end in sight as I am falling for him in a big way, and our meetings are uncomfortable as we both avoid eye contact and blush. Any advice for getting over this would again be appreciated. cheers

Can anyone give me some advice? I am in love with my supervisor and cannot stop thinking about him. There seems to be a real chemistry between us and we are always emailing each other nearly every day. Problem is dont know how he feels, both have partners, he is much older. This is unbearable!