I'm due to finish my Masters in a few months, and hey, seeing as I've always liked doing research, I thought I'd throw my hat in ye olde PhD ring. Like my father says, you can pray to win the lottery, but don't be surprised if the only response from God is "have you bought a ticket yet?"
One problem: It is driving me slowly insane.
I have been rejected. I have given up on the dream, changed my mind, only to change it back the next week. One day I'm going to take my respective field by storm, the next I'm going to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get a respectable job on a farm or behind a bar or in McDonalds, or whatever, none of this hiding in academia for another three years malarkey.
I did attend an interview recently that went fairly well... of course, that means I've heard absolutely nothing back. Honestly, it is a dream project, research I am simultanously excited about and terrified of, and as a result, my inner neurotic is engaged in an eternal game of pong; one paddle is the thought of how crushed I'll be if I don't get it, the other the thought of how I'll screw it up anyway if I do.
So, needless to say, being me isn't too fun right now.
Don't get me wrong, doing a PhD is all I've ever wanted - no doubt I'll continue to subject myself to this strange torture - but I need to know: Is this normal? It's been so stressful, I think I'm starting to lose my grip on reality.
All responses are appreciated.
