well had my meeting..
i told her that i'd been to my docs as i was getting worried about myself, not sleeping, not being able to get energy to write feeling down about it, feeling 'stuck' etc and he diagnosed me with depression (moderate clinical dep). My sup is trying to get me two months voluntary suspension so that i can get well and catch up, but she's not sure how that works or if i'll be allowed. I wish i'd known i could do that before as i would have done that last year when the problems really kicked in (the doc suspects thats when the depression took grip). Anyhoo,suspension or not basically my sup is really worried about me, and worried that registry is going to hound me now (i'm in my 5th year) I gave her the nearly finished chapter (which i will finish properly either today or Monday). She says that (after susp) we'll have weekly meetings so that i'm not hiding away and sliding again. She has always said that i can do this with my eyes shut and that the academic/intellectual side of it that is ironically the easy bit for me - if i would just write everyday i would be fine. She is very supportive but is worried that registry may be difficult.... i will let you all know when i get the word on the susp (which i totally hope i get to give me some breathing space) and in the mean time, thank you so much for all of your support and i'll be keeping positive!!
(up)

======= Date Modified 05 Feb 2009 02:22:06 =======
:-( i wish i had a more positive reply post but the truth is i still haven't handed any chapters over - i'm a month and a half overdue with the first deadline i was set and now falling dangerously behind - and wish i could just get over this weird aversion to writing already! I just spend hours surfing and then i want to sleep and cant face starting. I have a meeting with my supervisor tomorrow and i'm afraid that she'll say that i'm not allowed to continue - i would not be surprised and would understand as i've not handed anything over she's asked me to for the past year, and have not met the 'final deadline' schedule. I'm worried i've come to a dead end with this. The strange thing is that i still want to finish it , i know what i'm writing about, just cant seem to focus/face writing everyday. Every time i dust myself down and make a fresh attack, a couple of days later i slip back into old habits where i'm sleeping all day and surfing for 5 hrs. I'm not good with routine or structure and dont seem to have ANY willpower or self discipline left (i had lots of this before). I'll see what my super says tomorrow and if i'm allowed to carry on i'll need to make some serious changes to my life, and fast if i'm going to finish this thing and move on with my life! On a positive note, i actually did do some good work today and yesterday......Where do you get those dolls!!! lol!!!

AnnieG i'm end of june submission date too! I work weekends 8-4 so and am usually so tired that i just sleep when i come in. i try to work mon-fri about 12 hrs a day, and lately thats been from about 1pm until 3am. I find that i have to have a sleep during the day too (usually about dinner time) - god i sound like an old woman!!

thanks Ruby, nice to know i'm not the only one! Feel like i'm in academic rehab haha! i have (very) rough drafts of all the chapters except the analysis chapter and am pretty clear on my central thesis so i'm hoping to 'claw' back an extra week for that one...but have to get the methodology in for tomorrow so i'll be up all night tonight!!(up)

hey all,
well i had my 'meeting of doom' where i had to send everything over so far as i was starting my 5th year and still no thesis (see my earlier posts) and i have been given a final submission deadline...june 30th. i am supposed to hand in a chapter every month - The first chapter was supposed to be end of December, BUT i've still not submitted it eek! I had a very rough draft of it already but for some reason couldn't face it or make myself finish it over the christmas break, think i kind of freaked out a bit. I just got a very er 'curt' email from my supervisor asking me for it and, thank god i have FINALLY started writing it properly, and aim to have it in by friday. So, i'm now a good 3 weeks behind my schedule but am hopeful i'll catch up with myself as i have rough drafts of my lit review and have good 1st drafts of my results chapter....so the final countdown begins! wish me luck ....!!:p

======= Date Modified 05 11 2008 15:11:44 =======
Im in year 5 of a social sciences PhD (did a year long ethnography) and i've had a nightmare trying to write up - i basically didnt write anything for about a year and a half (you can look at my previous posts lol). My supervisor has been really understanding and i'm slowly writing again BUT the department have called me for an 'in depth progress review' in two weeks, with my 1st and 2nd supervisor and head of Phd research -i have to send over everything i've written so far so that they can discuss how 'best to facilitate me' . i'm terrified they'll say that i have to just submit for an mphil or worse quit! eek!! I've written up my two case studies (35k) methodology (1st draft 10k) skeleton lit review ( a garbled 7-10k) any advice or comments of what you think they'll say ??

thank you all so much for the encouragment!! i'm overwhelmed at the quick supportive responses (esp lara). I do feel like a weight has been lifted and have just spent the morning talking it all out with my mum and made plans to visit and catch up with friends (who thought i'd died due to lack of contact lol)

I've decided that when i come back i'm going to start at my methodology chapter so i'm at a fresh starting point and see how it goes. I've also just signed up to a yoga class (which i used to do every week but i decided i didnt have time)so i feel pretty positive about things now.

I'm in my 4th year (social science) supposed to be writing up and have hardly written anything for over a year. I did a year long ethnography (2nd year) and think i burnt myself out after it so had no energy to actually write up - or anything for that matter! I have done the whole 'it will be in by next friday' thing to my supervisor for too long and i finally sat down with her today and admitted defeat (and embrarassed myself by crying alot) - i confessed to not atually writing anything (other than what she already has - my results (35k)and some literature (10K)) and that i am having severe difficulties and am totally depressed/burnt out with the whole thing and life in general just now. i really dont want to quit as i cant bear the thought of wasting 4 years and not finishing what i started, so i'm taking two weeks out to 're-group'. Anyone had similar problems? or should i just get out while i'm still a funtioning human being?

i got this off this forum and its been a fantastic help!!!
http://www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk/
good luck and pass it on
xxx

I have to agree with Juno Adem, if you have not had the 'i cant do this any more i'm quitting' moment at least once during the PhD you are either still in your 1st year, doing a science/structured PhD (and even still!) or are not doing it properly lol!

thanks for all your supportive comments, its nice to know i'm not the only one who feels like this! I'm not a quitter and my supervisor keeps saying to be kind to myself rather than beat myself up about not writing, which i'm trying to do, and start each day with a 'clean slate' attitude. I'm also listening to Paul Mckenna 'confidence' cd which seems to be working as i actually wrote yesterday yay!! Its trying to break the vicious cycle of 'i dont feel good unless i write and i cant write because i dont feel good about not writing' but i'll get there as i cant imagine not finishing! not least because doing the PhD has rendered me unemployable anywhere else other than acedemia lol!!

i'm in my write up year and although i've written up my findings (which was a year long ethnography) i've still got the rest of it to write in final drafts. Is anyone else at this stage experiencing extreame depression?? i'm constantly feeling like i cant get up and more alarmingly cant seem to write anything! every time i go to write something i just panic and do something else, then i get stressed that i've not done anything so become more anxious about writing. I'm constantly late for hand ins to my supervisor who is very understanding but as you can imagine this is not ideal considering i am meant to submit in april lol! any advice/tips to get writing??

I'm quite bady dyslexic and currently writing up my phd which as a social science based thesis is very wordy and took LOTS of reading!! I just take longer reading and have no clue about spelling so i just do my best, use spell check and will pay a proof reader for the final draft (as most people do anyhoo) Hope this helps!

i've been single for nearly the whole duration of my phd (3 years now people!)- so i think it STOPS you from getting into relationships too lol! i dont have time (or energy) to go out and meet people and when i do its usually a one on one 'i'm sorry its been ages power catch up' so there's not much room to meet new people right now, and if i did not time to see them. *sigh* i keep singing the line from baker st 'just one more year and then i'll be happy' lol!

the phrazebank is fantastic!! i've just sent it round all the phd students in my department. What an excellent idea