Here I am again, sitting at this Japanese restaurant waiting for my noodle soup to be served. Last time I came here, it was with Mr. S. He bought me lunch. I went for a simple food and he ordered the fanciest food he could. He was indeed a good-food lover. It was the day before my submission. I was in a similar mood as today, in a rush and kinda stressed.

I lost a few hundred dollars today. I had withdrawn some cash to pay for biding my thesis because the store did not accept cards. And the money was nowhere before I arrive the store. Sigh, it is too painful to lose money for nothing.

Life is going tooo fast these days. Days are too long with too many little or big tasks to get done every day. But I finally submitted the final version of the thesis. Hopefully, I can get my degree next week.

I would like to add a picture of the person to whom I want to dedicate my thesis. She was so dear to my heart and we lost her when I was away pursuing my Ph.D.

Would it look too abnormal, unprofessional or inappropriate if I add her photo to the dedication page?

So, I finished the corrections today. 2 of the examiners had complained about my English and all were impressed with the amount of job done and also with the results. I never felt I am a great PhD student but now that it is over, I'm so proud of the thesis. I can't believe I did it. Given the circumstance, no one could do this.

There were times when I hated the thesis, I felt I my PhD is going worse than anyone else and I'm not smart anymore. There were times that I lived stress and woke up to no hope. But not even once I thought I should give up. I was constantly looking for ways to make things better. The many nights I went for a long walk/run around the lake by myself to think deeply to find out what step can I take to help myself. I sought advice from experts and friends. ... I made it and it is too great. Now it is time to enjoy other aspects of life. Little I cared about money in the past. I am developing this desire to earn a lot of money. It is not about money itself but the challenge. I fulfilled to a good extent my childhood dream of pursuing science and contributing to human's knowledge. Now, what is next? Need another challenge. In adults' life, earning more money is everyone's goal. Let's see how far I can get. I don't want to aim too big cause I want to enjoy little things in life too. But yeah, this challenge excites me ....

Enough of past and far future. For now:

1. T: ref + B + acknow + publish + confer (Ask H)
2. vis: Pol-check, invite, teach-rec

I live so far away from UK but if there is spare space, I would love to join.

Well, it is not actually life *after* PhD yet. As there are some formal process to go through. The examiners liked my thesis and I am passed with minor revisions, mostly English mistakes. Currently life is super fast and I can't believe I am actually keeping up.

So, I applied for some some jobs over a year ago (before finishing) and I got two offers: a post-doc and a faculty position in my home country. I decided to reject the offers.

1. Since then, apart from a huge amount of casual jobs, I only applied for one full-time job and I was invited for the interview today. It was a job in industry. The company has very interesting projects and smart engineers. They are using the cutting edge technologies and doing really brainy stuff. I liked everything about the job and the company. The location, the friendly atmosphere, competitive salary and the stability this job can give me. However, I don't think they find me a good fit for the position. My expertise is different from what they need (say X) and I have lack of experience for sure. I think I failed to show them how I am enthusiasm to improve my knowledge in X, and to introduce myself as a quick learner. Too bad ... But I loved the interview anyway. I spent 1 hour there and they were very friendly. They showed me around. They even took me inside their labs and introduced me to other staff. Maybe they consider all these interviews as a way to advertise and introduce their young company.


2. My visa is gong to be expired soon and I have to do something about it. Gush it will take me all the effort in the world. But gonna do what I need to do.

3. I moved in to a new place. Will move out again soon. The house is brand new and located in a nice area. But it is super cold. It gave me a sore throat and I keep coughing.

4. I and Mr S broke up. Well again. But unlike the other times, I don't miss him. Not even a bit. So it is over. But I am not seeing anyone else. Haven't met anyone interesting. Not even going to any party or any place where I can potentially meet new people. I don't have time for that.

Alright, there is list of things that my focus should on them in next 4 weeks.

1. Visa:
- option 1: visit: Read the form carefully and proceed + talk to school (to be done by Monday)
call immi office (fellowship + academic position + price) --> on Friday
---------------------------------------------------------
- option 2: post+ r: This need the official degree: correction + proof-readimg by B (to be done by the end of next week) ->submission of next next Monday
-lang: Sep 1st
-asses: learn how to do it by the end of next week

2. Tax

Some other day I write about life after submission in general. But today I want to focus I my tasks for publications:
Goals:

1. Exts (In two weeks) *****
2. Gen (Later)
3. Qua (Later)



Ext:
1. bip (I think it is important to have this first)
2. gir
3. others

I submitted a few days ago. It feels good, it really does but it is not like what I thought, that I would have a stroke out of happiness.

I often read here about the Post-submisson depression and I noticed it in a couple of friends too. So I was alert about it but my feelings are not going anywhere close to the depression. Few years back, my life had several dimensions that included a lot of socialising. After a year or two into my PhD candidature, I learned that it's not going to work this way. One day when I was complaining about how I can't help prioritising the social life over PhD, Pete told me:

"Remember finishing the PhD needs sacrifice. Are you willing to sacrifice?"

This sentence affected me greatly. I started to work for making a better balance that works for my PhD. Whenever there was some event or activity that was hard to resist. I told myself: " Finishing the PhD needs sacrifice. I do sacrifice." This gradually took me to the world of isolation and my life left with only one dimension: PhD. This was by no means easy for the extrovert I was. I sacrificed friends and happiness for about 2 years. But it worked. Now that I'm finished, I'm quickly getting back to myself, enjoying every bit of life again.

A few months after starting my PhD, I found it easier to hide from my supervisor than telling him "I don't know how to do it". about 2 years later, I was walking with Bish and telling him how I feel bad about not having enough knowledge in blah blah and I tend to procrastinate and I can't discipline myself to work. This is embarrassing and I can't make myself talk about these things to my supervisor. He told me:

"If a thief comes to your house in the dark and you have a torch. Wouldn't you put the light on him to see him and make him run a way? All these things are like a thief entering your PhD process. Talking to your supervisor about your weaknesses is like putting the torch on them."

And that was the bravest and the best thing I did to rescue my PhD.

Having my scholarship finished, I was in short of money toward the end of my PhD. I worked 3 days in retail and now I have a job at uni that is not directly related to my studies and deals with a lot of professional admins. What I learned from these two work experiences is that "PhD does affect us". The job that is perceived to be hard by others sounds trivial after having had to deal with all those impossible tasks during PhD. Even in retail and in 3 days, being innovative helped me improve their business and increase the sale by more than 10 times.

My PhD path was not easy but I grew during this process, I learned a lot and gained many soft skills. Now I'm much more confident and I proved to myself that if I have a goal, no matter how long or difficult the path is, I will learn how to get there and I will get there.

That's right, I submitted my thesis.

Can you mention yourself as the presenter? and then say this is a joint work with ..

Well, well, well!

Here I am struggling with starting a task! I know how to deal with it! Don't I? I do...

is always nice to look at my previous posts. How I could be happy, sad or determined. It is interesting to see what I was wishing for. It is like being God to that previous moment. I mean the person who is now writing this comment is the same as the person who wrote this post. They are both me but two different versions of me. The latter is though more powerful, she knows the future of the earlier version. That's where I get a sence of time being a diminsion of the universe. I interpret parallel universes to be billions of versions of me as I just described proposing the time being discrete.

Life is going on! I'm back to the study mode again. A lot has happened since my last post, regarding my PhD and job application. In short, I have one postdoc and one faculty member position offered. I'll accept one if I couldn't get a better offer.

But yeah, I'm back to study mode thanks to suppi giving me a task, to the mountain on which I can always restart after a long break, and to my new outfits and nail polish.

Dave said work and sexuality are like two engines we need both to have a happy life. Correct . Going for shopping, being stylish, painting my nails, feeling beautiful is a big part of me. They make me happy. That's right I am a female AND a scientist.

So for today:

1. check the reference--> send it to suppi --- tell him the theorems will be checked by tomorrow and yes we are done with it by Monday

2. Look at PG, Take a note what that chapter is lacking!

Go on girl, go on! You are nearly there and you'll make it very successfully. Aha!