Hi, I'm a current PhD student in mathematics, just starting my third year, but I previously did my undergraduate in physics (U.K. MSci), and I now realise that my course contained relatively little mathematics which was taught mainly in 'methods' form. When I first arrived I was overwhelmed by how much I didn't know, and tried in a very panicked way to catch up. I felt myself becoming more and more stressed and insane, and feel that I haven't been studying well for the last two years now. On top of this my topic is relatively new and interdisciplinary using many areas of mathematics. I knew that I was making a difficult choice when I changed subjects, but things have been extremely hard.

Anxiety is definitely a common affliction in PhD life and many of the feelings I have I'm sure are very common, and learning to deal with them is certainly part of the process of doing a PhD. I've had some extremely low periods in the last two years that have left me feeling really depressed, and I generally don't feel well on a daily basis. I have realised that I always was an anxious and stressed person, and that this is a problem that I have to deal with in life in general, and I do feel that I have made some progress with this problem. My main anxiety is simply that I don't have sufficient background to be doing a PhD in mathematics. I don't feel that I can talk to my peers on the same level which leaves me feeling isolated. Part of my reason for switching to mathematics was that I always had unanswered mathematical questions during my degree, and wanted the chance to learn them, but I have not had time to pursue these interests. Whilst I feel better than when I started, and I don't feel that I haven't learned anything in two years, I still feel the same anxieties.

Most importantly I am sure that I want to continue in academia, although at the moment I don't have the enthusiasm that I used to. I have been considering for a while to go back a step and take a masters. I would then have time before starting to catch up on some basics, and then I think studying the other things I want to learn would go better in a more structured learning environment. On the one hand maybe I'm being overly sensitive and this is mainly an emotional problem, these are normal things for a phd student (wanting more structure, worried about your progress etc) and I just need to get past this fear (I have spoken with my supervisor, who is very understanding, and this is more or less his view (but then in the end of course it is my decision)) and maybe things will get better. I have the opportunity to keep learning, no one is really prepared for a PhD, and maybe I just need to do more background reading than most. However, on the other hand, I also think that you should learn to walk before learning to run, and I feel like I'm stumbling around all over the place! Any advice??